Gearing up to have some communication standards. Your thoughts?
In light of how annoying it is that BM lets SS dick around when he's skyping (by dick around I mean play video games, watch TV etc.) with DH, I intend to try to make skyping with BM a standard and behavioral expectation while SS is here.
In short, during his mother's time, which will happen three times a week during the time she's specified, when she calls he won't be doing anything but talking to her. He doesn't have to stay in a chair, he can take one of the phones with him and video chat and show her things in his room if he wants, but no TV and no video games. The "time" I will enforce this during is the first 15 minutes after she calls. After that he can say goodbye if he wants, but 15 minutes of Mommy time will be an expectation. If he hangs up early, fine, but he still doesn't get to watch TV or play on a phone or go outside for the remainder of that 15 minutes.
It's another thing that I'll probably get flak from BM about, because she doesn't want him to talk if he doesn't want to, but as we've seen... if it is up to him, he'll never want to talk because there will always be something more fun to do than talk to your parent. For pete's sake, he's 5 years old! Everything should not be up to him, and there should certainly be some standards of behavior, and communication with your parent should be one of those standards IMO. If he doesn't want to go to Grandma's house he still has to. If he doesn't want to be nice to his sister's he still has to (within reason obviously). Talking to his mother (or father, though I can't enforce that) should be no different.
I'm sure at first it won't go over well, but after 2 weeks or so it should be more habitual. I think this could be really positive. What do you guys think?
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SS13 is with us primarily and
SS13 is with us primarily and now visits BM eowe. He is scheduled for two calls with her each week.
I've always insisted that he give her his attention during the calls, not sit in front of the TV and not have his handheld whatever in his hand. Sometimes the calls last for 3 minutes and sometimes they last longer. I don't really care how long they are because she typically just asks about if we are being mean to him or something like that.
But, yes. Manners are enforced in my house as well.
I would only enforce 15
I would only enforce 15 minutes because he's a very bright kid, and would have no problem saying "hi" and "bye" so he could "technically" be following the rules. He's done it to DH plenty of times, and sadly if he "doesn't want to talk" his mother carries merrily onward.
Thanks for your input. I worry that some of my ideas are more crazy than I think they are, especially when I don't always here about other parents carrying on similarly.
BM has already decreed that I am a sugar nazi.
If the boot fits...
I like this idea, hope it
I like this idea, hope it works for you.
WHEN we get to talk to skids while with BM the phone is on speakerphone, gawd forbid BM is not be able to hear both sides of the conversation and when she doesn't like the questions asked by DH she will redirect the skids to do something else, like want to play this video game now?? Ummmm....they are on the phone with their DAD!!??!! PAS much??
When she calls on the weekend visits with us, DH puts his phone on silent and might check to see if she calls after the skids go to bed. He has told her that she doesn't make his phone parenting time a priority with the skids, he isn't making that time for her.
Ugh. I thought about whether
Ugh. I thought about whether or not we should bother, since she's kind of a jerk about it sometimes, but it's my house my rules.
http://www.parentsconnect.com
http://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/parenting-kids/child-b...
And IMO, if he can play a video game for an entire day, he can talk to his mother (or father) for fifteen minutes. If he doesn't want to that's fine, but he won't be doing any of the more entertaining alternatives either.
15 minutes is how long my
15 minutes is how long my stb2 year old daughter stays on skype with her grandparents! :? I set the laptop up to look into her play area and she shows her grandparents all her toys and plays games with them and sings songs. I don't think 15 minutes is too long at all if my toddler can handle it!
My daughter will hang around
My daughter will hang around for about 10 minutes.... unless I flaunt her baby sister to her grandparents, then she'll do whatever will get Grandma's attention for as long as it takes!
There are plenty of things he
There are plenty of things he can do with a mobile skype-capable phone that include his mother, but don't include video games.
It might also be a sticking point with him for awhile that there are no video games in the house. He'll get over it.
Well, none of the kids are
Well, none of the kids are allowed in our bedroom. I don't know why I would be worried about the other ones.
I get what you're saying, but
I get what you're saying, but doubt it'll make much difference in my situation. In BM's state, my income isn't computed for child support. We are a one-car family. We live in a 2 bdrm apartment that's less than 1,000 square feet, and work very hard to keep things consistantly clean and orderly because we have 2 kids under 2 and very little space. We don't have room for me to restrict his movement when skyping. I'd probably have to tie him to a chair, or he'd be stuck on his bed.
BM just bought a house, with her new hubby who manages his parent's restaurant (hard to get a decent job with a criminal record anywhere else). Child support is child support. All other spending for other things is the responsibility of the parent the child is currently in the care of. I made sure that was in the CO.
In addition, I've seen her house, and I am not worried. To be honest, I'd be surprised if she didn't have something to bitch about.
Besides, BM herself won't be coming into my home, because they live hundreds and hundreds of miles away. I rent from my brother, who has security cameras on both sides of the bldg, and the entire courtyard between his home and mine is gated and locked. Feeling about as secure as a person can feel in a more urban setting I think.
I'm actually more worried about the idea of telling her when SS will play t-ball when he's with us. It's only 3 weekends, but I don't want any of his local family just showing up. Those jerks are crazier than she is, and would likely cause a scene... again...