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Are we Disney Parents?

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Fri, 09/24/2010 - 6:55pm

For a while now, I've been uneasy - I think I'm a Disney SParent!

Signs:

1) We're extremely NCP parents to SD14; deployments and schools + long distance = 16 weeks of visitation in 4 years
2) Half of our visitation is at MIL's house when we're on "vacation" = shopping or other fun stuff every day
3) SD14 has a hero-worship thing going on with me - she thinks I'm super-smart and successful.
4) BM's lifestyle is right at the edge of her income but we live conservatively, so we always have the extra cash to do "fun stuff."

Are we hurting her? A lot of times, discipline falls by the wayside because she's never with us longer than a week or two. We try to talk to her about being an adult, but I don't know what sticks. BM treats her like a child unless she needs SD14 to step up; we debate issues with her.

I like to think I/we are a positive influence, but what do you SMoms think? Are we hurting our cause by being the fun parents, or are we reinforcing by talking to her like an adult?

Comments

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Sat, 09/25/2010 - 7:13am

That's actually the funny thing. Like most female teens, she's butting heads with BM, constantly. BM is very dismissive of SD14's thinking and opinions, it's 'her way or the highway'.

We engage SD14 in conversations - we talk about morals and WHY you do thing the hard (right) way vs. the easy way. We talk about money, and how to manage it. We talk about the tough issues - SD14 was sexting a boy this summer, and we talked about relationships, and respecting yourself, and SD14 wrote a 500-word essay on why or why not teens should be monitored on their phones and internet. (BM didn't even read the essay, and has taken the easy way out - SD14 doesn't have a phone or internet access, period)

SD14 does not act up at home. As far as I can tell, she's a perfect teenager. She cooks when BM and her SF have to work late. She cleans the house. She babysits her brother on a regular basis. She has mostly straight A grades in school.

I just wonder if the good times she has with us makes her think that we're cool. It's easy for us; we get Thanksgiving, time after Xmas, and 2-6 weeks in the summer.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Submitted by Tx mommy of 3 on Fri, 09/24/2010 - 7:12pm

Idk either. I think the damage is when the Disney parent has the kid eow, 50/50 custody or just sees the kid more than a few times a year. As long as they aren't bratty, rude, feel entitled, are ungrateful...you know all the things we gripe about! I think you can still have an influence, esp if you keep in touch through out the year.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Sat, 09/25/2010 - 5:57am

NCMilGal - we have our SS only 4 weeks of the year. We do lots of fun stuff with him and also try to give him life lessons that will help him transition into adulthood. You have to realize when you see a child for only a week at a time the first couple days are just getting used to each other then you have about 3 1/2 days to be comfortable and then you are back in your own home. Because of the short amount of time that you have with the child there is really no impact that you can have. She is with her BM and you are not going to change what she is being taught by her mother in a short week.

So enjoy the time and let her know that you are always there for her and kudos to her thinking you are great.