DH wants to fight for custody of SS10
DH wants us to keep SS10 for two more weeks while BM tries to find a way to fix her bed bug problem. DH had a heart to heart with me about how he is fed up with BM2 and her bull and how having SS10 here makes him feel complete and that he is happiest when he is with all his boys. He gave me props for being a great SM and mom to his kids and how he couldn't have picked a better woman. And then he sprung on me the question of how I would feel if he wanted to fight for custody of SS10.
I know things would change if he got custody and an extra kid around full time means extra stress. Plus I also know the custody battle can be costly and we might have to dip into savings. BM2 will not give up without a fight and will be riding our butts the whole time. CS is her only source of income so with SS10 she would actually have to get a job and she has told SS10 she would rather die than have him around me seeing me as a mother figure when she is the one that carried him for 9 months.
I know that our home is an all around better environment for SS10. I know we could offer him so much more and every boy needs their dad. I also know that him leaving with us full time would drag even more drama and stress into my life but I can't be selfish.
My head is swimming around everywhere.
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Here's my take. DH and I took
Here's my take. DH and I took custody of SS21, when he was 16 years old. At the time, I felt it was the best thing for him. He needed structure. He needed guidance. We could give him that, BM could not. She put up a fight, not because she loved her son, but because she loved the CS he represented. It wasn't horrible. He was, what I thought to be, a good kid. He was respectful and kind and got along great with my Bios. Fast forward to 5 years later. I no longer have SS in my home, he has done a complete 180, I do not know who this boy is anymore. If I had to do it over again, which, judging from the train wreck that SD12 is turning out to be, the situation WILL present itself again, I would say absolutely NOT.
These men choose these trashy bitches to have kids with, then want US to swoop in and fix the mess that these bitches created. Once upon a time, I was open to the idea, because I love my husband and therefore I would not want to see my husband suffer, however, this experience has left a very bitter taste in my mouth and I will never put myself in this predicament again.
These men choose these trashy
These men choose these trashy bitches to have kids with, then want US to swoop in and fix the mess that these bitches created
OMG could not agree with you more. I just said something similar to my DH the other night in regards to SD15 living with us when he used his stupid "if she came out of your crotch" line I said "No, she did NOT come out of my crotch, I did not CHOOSE to have her, her white trash mother did, so forgive me for being slightly resentful that SD15 is now MY problem while white trash BM does NOTHING!
What's the argument DH would
What's the argument DH would use to justify custody? You mentioned BM has bed bugs. Is there anything else to justify a change in custody?
Custody battles are expensive. For me, the ONLY reason I would consider going to court to fight for custody is if I had a very good chance of winning it.
I would not talk to attorneys, because you'll tell you sure we can get you custody just so you'll hire them. I'd ask on some divorce forums what they think. There's a divorce forum specifically geared to help fathers get custody that will tell you if you have a good chance of winning custody, but I'd either post pretending to be a man or have your DH post on there, because they don't like women on that forum at all.
DH started his when SD7, SS9,
DH started his when SD7, SS9, SD11 were all sharing a room and they lived in a roach infested duplex without waterfor weeks at a time. BM got served, she moved, she fought and DH wont get custody now. We thought we were doing what was best but nope. Maybe BM just needs a kick in the pants...I wish we would have called CPS instead of fighting for custody. It would have saved us a ton of money and stress and the outcome would have probably been the same. BUT this is really up to your DH. If he feels strongly then he will do what he wants.
This is really a good point
This is really a good point for the OP... WE may think that skids are being "abused", "living in squalor" etc. but most generally in the eyes of CPS and the Courts unless there is solid and I mean rock solid evidence that kids are being abused (beaten, starved, tortured) you can forget about anyone claiming BM "unfit" and handing over custody.
Hell, someone called CPS on BM1 when SD15 was still living with her, DH always gets copied on the letters that the caseworkers send in regards to the case, so even though we kind of don't care because we aren't the ones that hotlined and SD is now living with us anyway, we get all the info. They actually found that BM and her mother (who she lives with ) were guilty of "emotional neglect" for all four kids (BM has 3 other kids with another guy) but guess what the so called solution for that is? Um, they will leave the case open, follow up with some home visits, recommend (yes NOT force)counseling for BM and g-ma. Which really all boils down to.. CPS.will.do.nothing. And if you don't think that all the losers in this good ole USofA who get hotlined on a regular basis (trust me this was NOT BMs first rodeo with CPS)don't already know this??
It's a joke and a damn shame.
How quick these DH's are to
How quick these DH's are to recruit their new wives into helping them fight for custody of kids who will most likely be poisoned against you and DH even worse as a result.
Please listen to these other posters. You are NOT being selfish. You have to protect yourself emotionally and financially.
My SO told me his late wife helped him financially to fight for custody of his two minor kids. She was a kindhearted woman but both she and SO were very naive. She only made around $25K on her teacher's salary. And how was she repaid? The cops came to their house after BM called them accusing SO of child abuse (SD called SO an asshole, so he told her to hand over her cell phone.) Then the SD told her to go f*%ck herself, shortly before she passed away. Oh, and SO lost the custody battle.
You have no obligation to help your DH pay for a nasty custody battle that he may not win. Yes it's sad to see the kid neglected but you're mistaken if you think you have the power or obligation to try to change something that's not within your control.
"in the eyes of CPS and the
"in the eyes of CPS and the Courts unless there is solid and I mean rock solid evidence that kids are being abused (beaten, starved, tortured) you can forget about anyone claiming BM "unfit" and handing over custody"
This is very very true.
>>WE may think that skids are
>>WE may think that skids are being "abused", "living in squalor" etc. but most generally in the eyes of CPS and the Courts unless there is solid and I mean rock solid evidence that kids are being abused (beaten, starved, tortured) you can forget about anyone claiming BM "unfit" and handing over custody. <<
Exactly the point I was trying to make. My exBF used to cry all the time how his son's BM was "abusing and neglecting" him, but what he called abuse and neglect did not even come close to what the courts consider abuse. CPS was called on BM (her own mother called CPS on her).
They had both BM and BD come in for questioning. BM was supposed to come back for drug testing, but kept putting it off. Last I heard almost a year after the initial case was opened, she STILL hadn't gone in for drug testing and CPS had done nothing.