My parents houses were in adjoining neighborhoods, so it was literally a 2 minute drive if that. We had a pretty much open door policy, although I did try to at least give them a heads up if I knew they would be home. However, if i knew they would be a work i just drove by and picked it up. My parents had 50/50 and i was 13 when they divorced though, 15 when my dad and stepmom married. Plus my stepmom and I had/have a good relationship.

this will be an issue i for us, i think. we live about five minutes away from bm's house, so i'm sure the kids will want to shuttle back and forth all the time.

they forget things alot, but they are really young (the oldest is 6). usually, DH will just take whatever it is to the other house and drop it off (only if it's important, like a jacket or backpack).

however, as they become more independent i'm worried that DH will want to treat this like a normal "home" situation in which the kids come and go as they please. if bm was not a total maniac, i would have no trouble with that at all. unfortunately, she is already working her way through our front door every chance she gets, so i think giving the skids a key will be out of the question.

i do expect it to be a huge fight though, and i understand where DH is coming from. i just don't think it's safe with bm being a psychopath.

DH had an open door policy until the night the boys 'called by' and we were enjoying an 'adult night'. AKA Kiddus interuptus.

Now I expect them to call by or if we are not home to check with either of us thru work to let us know they are coming by and picking something up. Of course the youngest is now 19 and has his own car.

However I made it clear to DH that after we moved into our own home 10 minutes from BM that we would not be wasting gas running crap back and forth. If homework was forgotten my DD could take it to school and the 'absent minded one' could track her down at school and get it from her. The point is to teach them responsibility and organisational skills. BM used to drive up here all the time to pick crap up her sons forgot. I made it clear to them that no, this was not about their father being lazy or me 'not letting him'. This was about them learning organisational skills.

No, they NEVER come by if we are not home - I would never allow them keys - they just aren't trustworthy. Probably leave the front door wide open or something.
Identify completely with the forgetting of "vital" stuff - SD16 has been known to get my DH to just run her home (3 miles and back) for her phone charger or some other thing she can't live without for the next 12 hours.
If this had been my bios I would have said "on your bike, mate."

We do not have an open door policy. I am a BM and a SM. While I get along pretty well with my ex we both respect each other enough not to go to each others' houses without the other's consent. Thankfully our DD is 16 and driving so most of the time she can get her own things with permission. My SD on the other hand is another story. We live 30 minutes from her BM and dear SD has always been quite forgetful. DH used to always run around bringing her everything she forgot until BM and I both put our feet down. Now, noone runs around for her unless it is something extremely important. Even then, if we aren't going to be home, we'll leave said item on the porch or in a vehicle. We do not allow SD key to our home because BM is way too nosy. My DH actually had it out with his sweet DD last night. She left stuff in her locker that she needed for her homework and then started crying because she couldn't do her homework. Crying! At 15! Getting ready to drive a car and she can't remember the simple stuff.