Skids teachers hate BM
Crazy Long Weekend
Friday I had a PTC with SD10's teacher. She has a 72 in math and I wanted to find out what they were working on so that I can help her and that grade doesn't fall to a D.
The teacher showed me her grades and she has a 56 on one of her test. Apparently, the entire class did bad on this test and she sent the test home to be re-done and returned. Initially SD had a 36 on the test. She showed me all the other kids grades for this assignment and everyone but SD brought their grade up to a B or A because they took it home. SD took hers home but BM is not involved in their lives at all (reference one of my post http://www.steptalk.org/node/205771 ) and still got a bad grade. SS's teacher sends all work home on Friday, so that I can do the work with him. SD's teacher said she is going to start doing that as well.
SS's is really really bad in school. SD's teacher said that SD is very sad all the time and is getting picked on a lot. One of the things kids pick on her about is her brother. At this point SD starts crying.
We get her calmed down and the teacher asked her to go back to her desk.
She then proceeds to tell me that SD is never showered, hair never brushed, her clothes are not laundered and she's always exhausted. (BTW the teacher knows about our situation because she had SS in Kindergarten) At this point, I'm ready to cry as well. Teacher knows there is little we can do because we only have the Skids on the weekends. She said she wants to call CPS but knows it's not bad enough for them to do anything.
The night before was a dance for the kids. I brought SD a dress and some cute shoes. Teacher said she was on cloud nine all day because of the nice clothes. She said she saw BM when she came to pick SD up from the dance and SS was running around like a crazy person and BM didn't do anything about it. Teacher said she wanted to punch BM in the Face. WOW
So then I go to SS8's class to pick him up and his teacher wants to have a talk. She ran into BM the night before as well and told her that SS had a test the next day that he needed to study for. Well, of course BM is to self-involved to help the kid study and he failed the test. His teacher said she would give him a re-take this Monday if I would study over the weekend with him. Blah
So with his 7 spelling, 3 math and 5 reading make-up homework's, we also had to study for this test. ALL weekend.
Last year, I said I would no longer buy school clothes for the Skids because they just lay on the floor at BM's house and get ruined. SO bought them a couple of outfits but they have out grown the clothes. So I went ahead a bought about 6 outfits for SD for Christmas and SO and I took the Skids to the Goodwill over the weekend and got them both about 8 outfits to take to BM's house.
I put one outfit in a Walmart bag for each day and put all the bags in one big trash bag. Now they have something to wear each day. I told SD to put all the clothes back in the trash bag and bring them back to our house so they can be washed. Probably will never see those clothes again, but I have no idea how else to help these poor kids.
FYI...Before anyone gets on my ass about SM talking to the teachers, BM doesn’t care who talks to the teachers as long as she doesn't have to get out of bed before 2pm. I've been doing it for 5 years and she could care less.
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Comments
The last time SO tried for
The last time SO tried for custody the judge said that he didn't want to split the kids up (BM has two kids by a different man). But the oldest moved in with her BF last year, at 16yrs old and the boy hates SS. I told SO he needs to try again, but I can't make him. She told SO that she is never willingly giving up the Skids because all HE wants is the CS money stopped. Yeah right.
We have talked about this but
We have talked about this but at this point we can't afford to pay for before and after school care. We work 7-5 M-F. We would need the CS to pay for that. As far as I know, that isn't free. Also, I have no family in the area and the few times we have asked his SM and dad to take the kids after school for us it was a HUGE deal to them. We feel really stuck
CPS was called the first year
CPS was called the first year they split. CPS called BM and told her they were coming and made an appointment. Guess who's house and all kids were cleaned and they looked like a happy family. CPS actually told SO if he called on her again, he could lose his time with the kids.
Whoa, they told him if he
Whoa, they told him if he called again he would lose his time with the kids? They can't tell him that. That is there for the protection of the children. I am thinking I would be calling a manager of some sort this time.
This comes up every year and
This comes up every year and he has texted, emailed and spoken to her about it.
One of three things happens.
1. She ignores the texts or email
2. She said they are lying (Skids and teachers)
3. She says that she will TRY to do better.
Nothing ever changes
I agree.. CPS is a joke. SD's
I agree.. CPS is a joke. SD's came home drugged.. from the previous evening. They were strange for 2 days! Well when they came home, within 15 minutes we had 2 ambulances here escorted by a police officer. The officer told DH to call CPS as the paramedics all agreed that something was seriously wrong with SD's. They were taken to the hospital, the hospital wouldn't test them even with the police there. They said they were too young. NOTHING.. ever came of it. The CPS case was switched over to BM's county and we never heard from them. I had to find out from the school counselor who the case was switched over to in BM's county, DH left the case worker numerous messages and she never got back with him. The officer told DH that night that they were going there THAT NiGHT with CPS to BM's, then realized they couldn't bc it was a different county. BM's county didn't go there until 3 weeks later and I only know that bc BM called to gloat that CPS said she didn't drug her kids.
Sorry.. CPS pisses me off.
I agree with the others. The teachers here are in close contact with me and they don't hesitate to tell me if something needs to be done like.. once I was told that MSD needed her hair put up everyday bc all she wanted to do was play with it (ADHD) and it was a huge distraction to her.
I agree with this. Sadly, no
I agree with this. Sadly, no one can force these BM's to be involved in their kids lives and so long as their is a roof over their heads and food on the table, there isn't much the state will do to step in and help.
We have had to teach SS not to depend on BM. Without saying that out-right (don't want to PAS him) we have taught him that he is responsible for his own actions, he is old enough to know to shower each night and do his homework. He also knows that if he is at his mom's and needs help with his homework, he can call me. We will facetime and I will help him with it. Sadly, he had to grow up very quickly. But, he is a good kid and now that we have given him the proper tools to use at BM's house, his grades has vastly improved.
We have told them millions of
We have told them millions of times to shower, brush teeth, comb hair. I even bought SD a brush to keep in her backpack because she complains BM doesn't get them up in time to get ready. At 8 and 10 they can shower and brush on their own, but they won't do it without being told to.
SO and I have told SD MANY times that she wouldn't get pick on so much if she would take care of herself.
They do take care of themselves at our house and SD has learned to do her own laundry. But it's like they turn into completely different people once they get to BM's house. No rules and no responibilities.
It's really frustrating.
I've been there with the
I've been there with the completely different expectations at another house and it's hard to deal with. They know to do these things at your home but aren't expected to at BM's and they're kids so they won't. BM is a piece of work.
Have you talked with the school counselor? Maybe he/she can help with talking with them about that through the week if SKids are semi close with them?
SD's teacher did offer for
SD's teacher did offer for her to speak to the counselor. Teacher told SD she could have a little girl talk with her a couple of times a month and SD was into it. Hopefully I will help her.
you are a great person. I
you are a great person. I commend you for that selfless action; I'm not sure I would have it in me to do the same.
I appreciate your compliment.
I appreciate your compliment.
I don't have children of my own so Skids are my kids.
If BM isn't going to care about their lives, I'll gladly do it. I love them, even though they can be huge pains in the ass.
AND...I don't want 20 something's living on my couch. I want to be free to live my life with SO as we please.
Have you/DH had a discussion
Have you/DH had a discussion with SD about what exactly the other kids are saying to her that hurts her?
We have many times. I didn't
We have many times. I didn't know about the kids making fun of her about SS but I've known about the poor hygenine since I met her. We talk and talk and talk. She swears to us she showers every night and goes to bed at 8pm. We both know she is lying. I don't know why she won't help herself. Too lazy?