Poor kid! It's a shame that her bitch of a mom doesn't seem to realize how comments like hers can effect a child's self esteem. I think 12 is about right to pick out a hair style. That's when girls seem to really start thinking about style whether it be hair or clothes. At least that's when my daughter did. She also started seriously playing with make up then too.

Same thing! Except BM didn't scream. I took both of my SDs who were 8 and 11 at the time to get their haircut about a year ago. They had been wanting their haircut forever and since BM hadn't done, I asked them if they wanted me to take them. I let them both decide what kind of cuts they wanted. Both came out looking awesome, especially SD8's hair because she's got a bit of body to it though it's super thin so without a decent cut, it always looks straggly. She got a semi-bob, about chin length in the front and a tiny bit shorter and slightly stacked in the back. The girls loved their cuts. We stopped by MIL's afterwards to show them off and she said that's the best SD8's hair has ever looked. This was on a weekend, next Thursday they went to their mom's when they came back, they both felt like crap about their haircuts so I know she said something to them. What kind of mother would try to make her daughters feel like anything less than a million bucks, I mean, within reason.

At least I didn't have to deal with the big scream-fest like you did, but I know where you're coming from.

BM recently took the girls to get a haircut and SD8 came out with a borderline mullet. The woman is truly clueless.

BM just let SD14 dye her beautiful brunette hair blonde. Now she looks like a tramp. It is too light for her coloring. My opinion is when they are about 13 they can cut it however they like. As long as they can maintain it. I am not spending a ton of money on expensive haircuts. My BS drives me insane needing a haircut all the time. I have to pace him out and take him to the cheap place. He can't stand when it touches his collar.

As for color, when you live on your own you can do anything freaky to your hair that you want. You are no longer a reflection of my household. As for SD, she doesn't live here and we have zero relationship with her. So when people tell me how sad that she did that to her hair, all I can say is, not my kid, not my problem. BM wanted her, she can deal with her. I am just sad because she was such a pretty girl and now she just looks hard...

This has been a HUGE problem with us for YEARS (8 to be exact) SD always looked better with long hair, she just does not have a face to pull off short hair. BM ALWAYS chops her hair off shorter than chin level and it looks terrible. When DH and I had our DD (who is almost 2 now) we insisted SDs hair be left as is so we could get pics done. We had 'sister pics' of our DD at 6 weeks with SD. Her hair was BEAUTIFUL. As soon as the pics were done.... BM chops her hair off. UGH! It is now growing out and looks great. SD lives with us now and we let SD put streaks in it. BM hit the roof and had a total fit. One time I curled SDs hair, she looked like a dark haired shirley temple with ringlets all through it.... it was SOOOOO cute, she was 8 at the time. BM saw it at the drop off and started yelling at DH about how dare he let 'HIS WIFE' do anything to HER daughters hair and she stood there and finger brushed ALL SDs curls out right there in the parking lot while SD stood there and cried! Another time, my sister had put braids in SDs hair, it took HOURS to do. SD loved it until she got back with BM and BM had a total fit and ripped the braids out WITH A BRUSH after she cut the rubber bands out and then chopped SDs hair claiming the braids had ruined her hair. Anytime we did anything to SDs hair she would act that way. JEALOUS much?? We werent doing anything that could not be taken out and washed to be back but she always "had to fix it" in some way by traumatizing SD.

SD15 is allowed to:

Put highlights in her hair under BM's supervision.

That's it. She is not allowed to grow her hair out, get it cut when not supervised by BM, or color it ANY color. She's a honey-brown brunette with her dad's curly hair, so the cut that BM insists on (just below her shoulders or shorter) is shaggy as heck. She wants to grow it out longer, and dye it a darker brown, but BM won't allow it.

This is a sterling example of BM treating her teenager like a 5-yr-old.

I have let my children from the time they were little choose their own hairstyle. If they wanted long, short, braided whatever. I didnt let them put color in it until they were 10-11. but even then it was just a VERY LITTLE bit of highlights. Full color didnt happen until they were 14 or so.

Ok, as a BM, I will say this. I believe the BM is overreacting and asked for this. She did not want to take the responsibility and had the chance to make bioDad look bad. Oh and if the hair cut was so badly needed at one point, enough to fight over BD paying for it, then why did she complain that her hair was shorter? It does not get longer with a cut! LOL I agree, bad BM behavior.

Now, here is what I see as a reason to get upset.

EXH decides to have his MOTHER cut girls hair and does a chop job on it to "get it out of their eyes"
This was with out my consent. I then proceeded to tell them to NOT cut their hair unless we discuss it first.
Also, I did not go off on them in front of my children. I simply told them that they are not to do it with out talking to me first.

Now, I get told, "are you going to get their hair cut, it is in their eyes!"

When my daughters want to grow out their bangs... yes, it will get shaggy for a while. I make them use barrettes to hold it back.
Now my oldest has all very long hair that SHE takes care of and we get trimmed once in a while. My youngest does better with short hair as she is tender headed.

Geez same thing pretty much with us. BM called BF and raised hell that he didn't discuss it with her that they are parents and have to discuss everything first so she can give her aprroval. She was just mad because I took FSD11 to get her haircut and she donated her hair to locks of love. To me that was a good thing but she flipped out on BF over it.

Poor girl... I allowed my 13 year old daughter to choose her own hair cut when she was 10. Her father came to visit (he doesn't visit often, and as of right now, has seen our kids ONCE, for about 3 hours, in the past couple years). When he saw her haircut, he went absolutely nuts. You will think I'm exaggerating... he called her a whore, among other things, and called 911 to report abuse.

Why? Because she got a cute, short (neck-length) cut.

All you can do is reassure this child that she is beautiful. The BM is damaging her relationship with her daughter, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

I think this is just a matter of sm vs bm. Bm was mad that sm took HER daughter to gt a haircut. Yes, bm didn't want to pay for it but she also didn't want dh and esp not sm to take her. Does it make sense? No. There was a discussion before about whether stepparents should cut their steps hair. Check ou opinions on there.

Ok...just gotta say, when my daughter was in high school, I told her I didn't care what she did with her hair, but to remember that it wouldn't be ME people would be laughing at in Walmart. Seemed to do the trick! She always kept a cute style, and no outrageous colors!

We put purple streaks in SD12s hair, we were in the middle of a custody battle at the time. BM had a total fit and told the judge.... we explained to the judge that SD had just gotten her first A on her report card ever and that we allowed her to streak it with wash out dye as a personal expression. We stated that we wanted to express herself in HEALTHY ways that were temporary rather than start using drugs or getting tattoos to express herself. Judge told BM to get over it.

Okay, I have always given the BM the honor being the Mother and doing what she wants with her daughter's hair in terms of cut/color just to keep the PEACE which was worth more than any cute smart new hair style.

Our BM killed SD9's hair last summer by keeping her in the pool at the Y for hours every day she had her (so she herself could continue her exercise routine every day). The hair was stripped, and now has that 'baby doll hair' feeling. Even though we sent her links on how to protect the hair at the pool and all, and it got to the point where SD9's scalp hurt, BM would not take simple steps to protect her daughter's hair.

If SD9 decides she wants this dead hair cut off into a pixie cut, we will do it without consulting BM, as we feel she has lost that right. Until then, we will trip her hair a bit every couple months and pray for the best this summer. Which should be better since she has skids only every other weekend, and 2 weeks.