DH is ticking me off. The gift competition is on.
So I'm doing something different this year for grandkids. Two of my children are in flux this year housing wise (moving) and one is traveling so they asked me to not give toys for their kids this year and to give either an experience or consumable items. Like candy and treats if you can believe that lol. So I'm planning out what I'm going to do and telling DH. My family is/are huge sparkling cider fans, so that's part of it and I've ordered some cute Xmas shopping style bags and am planning out the treats. So DH asks what I'm doing because 6 bottles of cider and lots of snacks aren't exactly our usual diet.. Now DH feels like his grandkids are left out. He wants them to have the same treats on top of the gifts he's already gotten his. So too clarify he wants to his grandkids to have everything mine are getting on top of what he's giving his and it's just really annoying me, partly because I feel all this pressure too now figure out what he wants me to add to our shopping, I mean like everything???. I should just learn to keep my big mouth shut. Btw his mostly teenage to grown grandkids won't even be here when I gift mine so it's not like that's an issue.
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If he want them to have it, he can do the work to get it!
If he wants them to have it, he can do the work to get it. Leave it all up to him. It seems silly when they won't be there at the same time to even consider this idea...
Yep that’s pretty much where we left it.
He's so afraid of "doing less" for his.
So he wants to make sure that
So he wants to make sure that you do less for yours? Pretty childish, IMO.
I've seen it so many times
I've seen it so many times that people don't think the step kids are getting their fair share unless they get MORE than everyone else.
Exactly this. Let him do it
Exactly this. Let him do it if he wants to so badly. Not you.
This is why parity is my step religion
Long ago, DH was eyeing up what my kids got, whether gifts, clothes, attention, or whatever. That's why I've always had a strict parity policy. I extended that to the 9 gkids. Back when I still shopped, same amount spent on each, same number of gifts. Nowadays we do $ so it's easier.
This is just one of the crazy things about steplife but it cut down on the envy and resentment.
Right? He has to go above and beyond though.
I finally just said "ok tell you what, you do yours I'll do mine" I'll give him his portion of the gift bags when they arrive. His schedule is more hectic than mine so let's see what HE comes up with.
Stay In Your Lane, DH
I don't have any grands but am surrogate grandmother to my neice's child (my sister died young). I buy his gifts with zero input from DH. He buys for gifts his with zero input from me.
Christmas is not about being fair or spending same amounts of money on everyone. Kids' needs change. My older kid got a laptop in her Freshman year of high school. My youngest got toys which was a lot less $. He didn't care. His freshman year was quickly approaching and the tables would be flipped. Same with adults. Needs change.
As JRI said, another crazy issue of StepHell.
Stay In Your Lane, DH
Duplicate
Glad you told HIM to handle
Glad you told HIM to handle it.
How incredibly petty of your
How incredibly petty of your DH. It's utterly ridiculous for you to have to top up his grandkid's gifts. You need to explain that it's okay to gear gifts towards their current requirements/needs/age appropriateness/ INDIVIDUALITY. It's not about leveling the playing field or, worse yet, ensuring that his kinfolk get MORE than yours! Whatever you have currently purchased for his grandkids WILL suffice! *smh*
Exactly my thoughts!
I told him "you DO know that all this is my gkids actual gift? Not extra?" We went shopping today I bought exactly six of everything I needed for only mine. He can go get what he needs.
Ummm. No. No is a complete conversation and answer to DH's break
out of dumb ass on this.
smh
Ummm. No. No is a complete conversation and answer to DH's break
out of dumb ass on this.
smh
DHs stepfather sends him $ to
DHs stepfather sends him $ to get things for the SDs each year. When I found that out it explained a lot. He felt he HAD to spend it all on them. And ticked me off because I don't get extra money to spend! That was around the time I cut off OSDs present grab. So I really cut back and now this year I REALLY cut back.
This I get.....
Though it is nothing I have ever and likely will ever have to live, the equal gift thing in blended family life is IMHO a great teaching moment for kids. Kids who have multiple families will get multiple waves of gifts. For kids that are in blended families but do not have multiple fingers of family, they may not get the number of gifts, etc..
That is life. Both sides can get a lesson out of this. In the case of the kid with fewer family threads, they learn that things are different and that is okay. For the kid with countless piles of gifts from a half a dozen different parents (Bio or Step, etc..), half a dozen different sets of GPs, countless Aunts/uncles, and countless Sibs (full, half, step, etc....), it is a good teaching movement regarding humiity and to not be an asshole by rubbing their gift good fortune in the faces of kids who have more stable parent situations.
To my DHs credit.
At least this year he is making his gkids that are grown come and see him to get their gift. Unlike years past. I've been eye rolling and harping on that for five years. No more Venmo or PayPal for them sight unseen. He like JRIs husband has occasionally eyed the presents for my kids or seemed annoyed by the influx of packages arriving and I would shrug and say "I can't help it, my kids like gifts to remember the holiday by not cash" funny that he changed things up this year and actually bought physical gifts for at least the youngsters. Previously he would send out cash or electronic to all age ten and up but not this year. I've told him often "I will not gift my kids or grandkids for Xmas or birthdays if they can't be bothered to see me more than twice a year"