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BM's life is literally falling apart & good news about visitation

Nymh's picture

In a way I feel sorry for her. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who is so vindictive and nasty, especially when they have done all of this to themself and the only person that doesn't understand that is them. BM's boss at work sounds like she's given up on her and is just waiting on a good enough excuse to fire her. BM is frequently told that if she doesn't do this or that, she'll lose her job. I've never heard her say this about her job before. She's also doing very bad in school. She's only taking two classes this semester, and out of 14 class meetings she's only been to 4. She's not turning in her assignments and her professors are trying to talk her into dropping the classes because they say "Maybe this semester isn't the best time for you to be in college." She always uses SS's and her own health as an excuse but neither of them have ever been sick that I've seen in the past long time. I personally think it's because she doesn't have the money to buy the gas to get her to school because her accounts are constantly overdrawn.

The sad thing is that I can see how easy it would be to get her life back on track. If she would just go to work instead of using FMLA to take off all the time, and if she would just keep her word and do what she's told to do instead of trying to make up excuses to sit on her butt at home and do nothing, she might make enough money to pay her bills. Then she could afford to drive to school, and if she would stop making excuses for that, she would be able to attend class the two days a week that she goes and maybe even graduate which she was supposed to do last year but had to take incompletes in all of her courses because of this very thing. She's so consumed by feeling like a victim and having to play mommy dearest to a "special needs" child that that is all she does, SS says. She sits on the couch and watches TV or movies while playing on her laptop. She never talks to anyone unless it's to call and yell at BF or call her ONE friend and complain about me and BF. She doesn't clean, she doesn't get out, she doesn't do anything fun with SS. I just can't imagine a life so empty.

On to the good news about visitation. BF told her when he dropped SS off 2.5 days before he was supposed to that if he didn't get the days to make up for what she tricked him out of before Fall Break was over, come Monday he would be filing papers to take her back to court for contempt and if she didn't believe it she could try him. He told her he was sick of her crap and she wasn't going to be able to throw her temper tantrums and get her way anymore. Apparently what he said to BM got through to her, or she called enough important people who told her he was right and that she couldn't get around it. She emailed BF yesterday and said, "I can either drop SS off Thursday night on my way to class, or you can pick him up Friday as previously arranged. Let me know what you want to do." He told her that she could drop SS off Thursday and that would make up for the time that she stole from him a month ago when he had to get the deputy to go out there and he didn't get SS until the next day.

I'm so proud of BF!

Comments

Chocoholic's picture

I know what you mean when you said that you feel badly for her (even though she brings it all on herself).
My skids bm sounds very similar to yours. I too see that she could easily clean up her life and move out of her parents home if she just put forth a little effort. Instead, she is waiting on the next victim (I mean man) to walk by so that she can take him for all he has.

Through all of the BS and crap bm causes, I still feel badly for her and hope that she cleans up her life someday.

OH! Congrats on your dh taking a stand!!

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

Chocoholic's picture

I feel badly for my skids bm because she lives at home with her mom and dad, her car was repossed, she can't hold a job (due to irresponsibility) ETC. I think we feel badly for them (even though they bring it on themselves) because we are good people.... we don't like to see others hurting... even if they 'deserve' it.... You still want to help them... but they have to be willing to help themselves... and 9 out of 10 times they aren't willing to help themselves so our help is just wasted energy.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

Candice's picture

I'm proud of him too!

Candice

OldTimer's picture

Ditto!

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Colorado Girl's picture

Nymh, you have such a big heart! I mean all that this woman says and puts you through - you still find a way to have hope for her....

I just wish that the BMs knew that all we want is for everyone involved to be happy and healthy. I know that when she's happy - the girls are happy. How do you ever convey that?

Nymh's picture

I've had many a heart-to-heart with BM trying to explain to her how much it means to me that she is happy, doesn't feel like I'm trying to replace her, my main focus is SS and his happiness...but she never seems to get it...and though she may SAY that her #1 priority is SS, she sure doesn't act like it Smile

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Colorado Girl's picture

I've tried a few times to bury the hatchet and I just don't think she's mentally stable. I really think that she blames me for a lot of her problems with DH and thinks I'm the reason they aren't together - she asked him to come back a couple times, so maybe I am in a way A reason, not THE ONLY reason.

I hate when they say it's all about the kids. No it's not. I wouldn't be here if it were all about the kids.

Imustbcrazy's picture

Those heart to heart conversations. I don't think that they truly understand that their happiness effects OUR happiness... it effects our SK's and therefore is OUR problem too. SO, I REALLY mean it when I say "I want you to be happy", sure it may be for selfish reasons, or reasons that have solely to do with SK's, but reasons nontheless. And it is always "OH, my child is my life and he is the only thing that matters to me".... ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I don't think that concept was instilled in her. Sounds like your is about the same. As I had to sit back last year and watch BM lose her job (for misusing FMLA and missing too much work) date a meth addict and allow him to move in with her and SS in her ONE bedroom apt after dating for ONE WEEK. Watched her get knocked up, get an abortion, her man LEAVE her for her friend, be so broke that her heat was turned off 3 times last winter.... I mean, you name it, it happened to her. And even though it is all self inflicted MUCH like BM in your case... I still found myself trying to help her out of bad situations. Taking her to the doctor, paying to have her heat turned on... NOT because I felt BAD for her, not because she is my friend... FOR SAKE OF SS'S life. For the best interest of HIM. They just don't get it. I don't know that they ever will. I gave up on trying to MAKE her understand. I will never stop speaking my mind to her though. That is my right. You have a good heart Nymh.

Daddys Gurl

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!

Cruella's picture

There is no excuse for her bad behavior. I just can't believe that the court hasn't put this woman in jail and thrown out the key. What she is doing to you both is criminal!!! I think these Judges are blind, deaf, and dumb. This woman will go too far with the wrong person one of these days. It is just a matter of time.

chantal's picture

They aren't capable of mentally handling and resolving situations. Their judgment is severely clouded by negativity and untruths. They just aren't able to see the truth and the possibility that they could be wrong. It's sad, but true.