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I hope it's worth it.

Nymh's picture

I was wrong when I gave my prediction in my last blog about what BM would say in her email back to me. She did something I would never imagine her doing. She didn't respond at all. So I was left wondering, did she come to her senses and realize that what she is doing is only hurting her son? Is she going to keep us more in the loop regarding his health care? Or did she realize that she was in an argument that she could not win and bow out?

Well, I got my answer when SS came on Christmas day. He didn't bring his glasses. Of course. (For anyone who isn't in the loop - SS has been prescribed glasses to try to prevent one of his eyes from becoming a lazy eye. I work in ophthalmology. BM, to exercise her power over the situation, wants me to have no knowledge about it and refuses to "let me" help at all.) SS is going to be here for over a week...a whole week without his glasses. He states that he rarely wears them at home, but is "supposed to" wear them at school. They may as well just have thrown their money in the garbage instead of buying them.

When BF asked if he brought his glasses, SS got really quiet and said no and looked down at the ground. BF asked if SS got in trouble about his glasses when he went home last time. He said yes. Today we passed by BM's house twice and I asked if we should stop and get his glasses. SS adamantly said no.

I think that BM deliberately kept the glasses home this time to show ME that she is the one who has the power and to make sure that I have no involvement whatsoever. I am so appalled at this behavior and it really makes me upset. To think that she would do something that will have long-term, noticeable and measurable adverse effects on her son's health just to put me in my place is so immature and disgusting.

I want so badly to write her an email. This is what I want to say:

BM,

I see that SS didn't bring his glasses with him this time. You and I both know that he needs to wear his glasses all the time to help his right eye develop correctly and prevent permanent vision loss. I don't believe that you need me to tell you how important this is to the development of his eyes as he ages. With that in mind, I can only assume that this was a deliberate action on your part to keep me from becoming involved.

When SS grows up to resent you for your power plays that resulted in long-term effects on his health, I hope you realize that you did this to yourself. As he becomes more independent and you come to the understanding that your relationship with your son is ruined because of all the things you did in his youth and adolescence to try to keep him from loving anyone but you, I hope that you then have the epiphany that this was the inevitable outcome that everyone has been warning you about all along. And when your only son realizes that he is happier without you in his life and comes to resent you for treating him like your property, and he pushes you away because of all that you have done to him and to us through him, I hope you understand that the fault lies entirely with you. We have done everything we can to encourage him to have a healthy and loving relationship with you. You do everything in your power to attempt to keep him from developing healthy or loving relationships with his father and myself as his stepmother. When all is said and done, and your relationship with your son is damaged beyond repair because of all that you have done to try to keep him all to yourself, I hope it was worth it.

Nymh

Comments

Most Evil's picture

Oh honey-!! Now that is a NEW LOW if I have ever heard one-!! Who could do that to their own child, with the only eyesight he will have???????

I am wishing he had a second pair of glasses for when he is with you? I am sure they cost a fortune though.

But maybe you could track of what you are buying for him, and that she is not providing for his eye care, for a judge's take on it?????!!! HUGS HONEY

p.s. I completely understand the temptation to send the e-mail, and am almost thinking you should? but I have gotten in trouble that way before too, even though it DID help in the long run-!
_________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers

StepChicka's picture

Holy Moly, that BM needs a serious ass kicking. How can do she do that to her own kid?! Geez...woman like that should have their uterus removed.

What is your BF doing about this? Has he tried to make contact with BM? Since this is a form of neglect he could contact the police department and request an officer accompany him to get the glasses. They may not do it but its worth a try if all other attempts have failed.

This is so frustrating and I understand why you'd want to send the email but I don't think its wise. Besides, she'll likely not respond to your email anyway...which will fuel more of your frustration. She's obviously taking her frustrations out on SS...who knows what she'll do to him next. I feel so bad for you guys especially the kid. This is so sad.

kidsaplenty's picture

Where is your dh? While I certainly do not agree with what this BM is doing AT ALL if you think you interjecting yourself is at the heart of the issue and you continue to do so you are now a part of the problem as well. Again she is dead wrong. And the child's Dad should be addressing that directly with her or with the judge as needed.

songchef's picture

Good Gawd, she is a piece of work! For SS's sake, is it possible to get an extra pair of glasses to keep at your place? That way, SS doesnt have to feel like the pawn of BM's nasty controlling ways. Just a thought.

Selkie's picture

Why was SS so adamant about not picking up his glasses from BM's house? Because he didn't want to wear them? Or because he actually lost them? Is it possible that this wasn't any kind of power play at all, only a case of the kid not wanting to wear glasses and "losing" them? Even if it was a power play, I would respond as if they were merely forgotten. Try not to stir up more trouble with communication with the BM. Treat it as an oversight and let it go.

It's now on DH to go get them so SS will have them to wear for the week. Sorry, SS, you don't get a say in this one. Either that, or purchase another pair to keep at your house.

Nymh's picture

Thanks for all the comments everyone. Please understand that I was venting out what I want so badly to say to BM. I am removing myself from the situation. I am so upset about this that I just want to let it go before I get even more upset.

I have tried to talk to BF about it and will try again tonight. He gets so mad about it because of the harm that BM is knowingly doing to SS that he has a hard time discussing it and I don't want him to feel like I am nagging.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Sia's picture

I agree with Most Evil, that IS a new low.....for someone to deliberatly hurt their child to show their control is the MOST absurd thing I have ever heard in my entire life.....poor kid....hug him for me....