"Isn't it enough that you have man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?"
I was just thinking about this phrase, and the implications just irk the heck out of me. When I was 16 I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with whatever boyfriend I was with at the time...but I was mature enough to understand that hey, sometimes relationships don't work out, and it's not the next girlfriend's fault. And by no means would I hate her guts because of it or try to make their lives living hell.
I do WANT to spend the rest of my life with BF...but as much as that may be what I WANT, it might not happen and it might not necessarily end up what's best for me in the end. If that's the case, I can deal with that and I am mature enough to realize that it's all for the best in the end.
I think it is a woman's natural instinct to latch on to a man and "want to spend the rest of her life with him." I think it's not until we have been there and done that enough times that we realize sometimes that's not what you WANT or NEED out of a relationship. Like a woman that posted here recently - she knew exactly what she wanted out of her current boyfriend, and it was NOT a long-term committed relationship with marriage and kids and such. She just wanted a companion.
I think if BF and I were to split up, his new partner would have to be pretty downright awful of a person for me to even want to treat her half as badly as BM has treated me these past 5 years with absolutely no remorse. And then to have the nerve to say to her, "isn't it enough that you have my HUSBAND..." *shudder*
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They were separated, but not divorced, when BF and I got together. They had been separated for 5 years when we started dating. Soon after we started dating, his divorce was final. So...yes and no? He did not leave her for me, he had left years before...but they weren't completely divorced until after we got together.
I did put her in her place one time. She had this sick thing going on after their divorce that even several months later, she was still calling him HER HUSBAND when leaving voice messages or emailing me to try to get a hold of him (i.e. "have MY HUSBAND call me!!").
When one of her fake identities decided to do this as well, calling him "her hubby", I had had enough.
I said, I don't know who you are referring to, because BM is not married.
"He" (BM's fake identity) said, you know who I'm talking about.
I said Oh, well if you're referring to my BF, he's not married and is no one's "hubby".
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Completely different
If they were already separated, especially for that long and pending divorce, then no, you weren't cheating. Only by military standards would that be considered cheating. Trust me, if it was up to my exH, we would still be "married" pending him signing the papers. I had to bribe him to have him sign. He basically extorted money out of me. But my freedom was worth it.
She has no right to express that kind of
stupidity no matter what!
If the man is with you he's YOUR man, not hers in any way, shape, form or fashion.
BM's hindsight
I think it hurt for BM more that I was able to give FH what he wanted, and he was willing to be the man to me that she always wanted him to be for her.
I know this b/c almost a year after FH and I got together, BM's BF cheated on her. Karma. OSD told me during one of my pickups that BM thinks BF and I will be married in the next year or two. She was crying hysterically that her and her exBF couldn't be perfect together like BF and I are. She told her that "when daddy loved me, I loved exBF, and when I loved daddy, it was too late. Now daddy is happy with 2Bloved, why can't I have that." FH did a complete 180 between her and I. I would not have fallen for the boy he was then, but am in love with the man he is now.
I agree with YW2. Unless you knowingly contributed to the demise of their marraige, BM should not be directing that attitude towards you. Affairs are the cowards way out. But I think it's just BM's way of telling you that she is jealous that you NOW have the man that she wishes BF WAS when they were together. Does that make sense?
Makes me shudder tooooo
I keep asking myself WHY do exw cause so much pain,games,tantilizing,jealous shemes,I try and make a joke out of it but it ends up falling back in my face,Then i fall 2 steps back again and it gets me all balled up,When my first marriage ended I did not even think to bother my exh new woman nor him nor his new stkids i want them all to be happy in their new lives,I just want my exh to always remember he has 2 other wonderful children too,and to never forget the good times even though the good times were few and far between the bad times,Even though my ex did what he did i still would never haunt him nor his new life.If my DD likes her then all is ok if my bs dislikes her then that is his purogotive not mine i can deal with it,but when exw cannot deal with my new life then thats her problem and she needs to learn to deal with it and she needs to GET A LIFE LOL
HUGS JUANITA
I am living in that hell as well......
BM and DH were never married. They had split before he was married the first time and divorced. 2 years later after that divorce he and i got married. SD is 6 years old.
She went to the counselor and claimed that i was not his wife and just a girlfriend. After she claimed we both abuse her daughter.
All lies of course. But i think she feels the same way. She is upset he has moved on and gotten married and she has never been.
I really hope she finds someone who loves her soon. That way it may get my DH off of her mind......and give us a break!!!!!!
2nd in hell!
My hubby and I are dealing with the same!! My hubby was cheated on and SHE filed for divorce. We didn't go on one date until the divorce was already final. Yet, she is telling everyone in her church and online that I stole him from her! What a crock of crap!
Why are so many ex wives nuts? I am an ex wife and I could not care less about what he's doing or who his wife is!
I don't understand her obsession with me or trying to ruin my life. It's not healthy or normal.
Ohhhh Yaaaaaa! My XW told me she wanted a divorce then balked
in the Attorneys office. We used one attorney. When the attorney asked who was divorcing who she said that she did not want to divorce me because she did not want to be the bad guy.
Why is it that even when they are the bad guy the X's often have a hard time taking responsibility for their own actions?
I called her on it and told her that she had told me months before that she wanted a divorce and that I was not going to play any more of her games. She still said she did not want to be the bad guy.
At that point I stood up, pulled a quarter from my pocket, flipped it in the air and told her to call it. She lost the flip. She divorced me.
Pretty ridiculous I know but she was the one that told me a year before that she did not know if she wanted to be married anymore. I paid ~$10K for a marriage counselor, bought a house, etc in an effort to stabilize the marriage. She moved out three months after she graduated from Nursing school (that I supported her through and wrote all of her papers for) and 2.5mos after we closed on the house.
When she pulled that crap in the lawyers office I was done. Though if I had lost the coin flip I probably would have cheated and told her she had lost. She never asked to see the results of the flip. But, she lost the coin flip so she had to divorce me, which she had set out to do anyway.
Even after the papers were filed and the divorce was final she called repeatedly to ask me out to lunch and twice (once in April before the divorce was final and once in Oct after the divorce was final) called to tell me she was pregnant and ask what she should do. The first time was a false alarm the second was not. Even in April it had been more than 8mos since we had had sex so unless my name is Joseph and this was the second comming there is no way it was mine.
When she called in Oct (the divorce was final in Aug) I had moved to AZ to finish college and my younger bro and I had bought a condo together. When the phone rang we both picked up the phone at the same time (different hand sets). My XW went in to how she was pregnant and did not know what to do yadda yadda yadda. While she and I were talking my brother chimed in and told her congratulations on her pregnancy. She commented that she had not known he was on the line (neither did I) but thanked him for his best wishes. He went on to ask if she had picked out any names for the baby. She said no. He said that he had a suggestion. She swooned at his sensitivity. he went on to say:
"You could name the baby Less but that would have to be the middle name because the first name will have to be FATHER". Then he slammed down the phone.
My brother adored my XW and he was really chapped with her when she cheated on me and left.
She just crumbled in to hysterical tears on the other end of the line when he came out with that gem. I spent about an hour calming her down from her hysteria. I don't know why I really cared that she was upset but I had spent 2.5 years married to the women and did not want her taking bong hits off of the tail pipe of her car out in the garage or anything.
Though I have to say my brother and I had a good chuckle over the incident over a beer later that evening. Bad Rags, Bad Rag's brother!!!!!
Sorry for taking this a bit off topic but the thread keyed some memories.
Best regards,
This takes the cake
BM and FH were never married and have not been together since BM was 2 mths preggo with SD NOW 16. She has never gotten over it, I guess he was the great love of her life or something. She has never in 16 years had another b/f or EVEN A DATE. She is a complete Martha Dumptruck freak with a mustache. She still thinks that they are DESTINED to be together. How sick and delusional is that?
My FH's brother sent him and email a few months ago that said oh BM was at it again in church today. She stood up and asked that everyone pray that her daughter's father saw the evil of his ways and that he would come home and be a family with her and "their" daughter again.
HOW CRAZY AND DELUSIONAL IS THAT??? They never even lived together or raised the kid together ever. SHE IS NUTS. OVER 16 YEARS OF PINING OVER SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT MOVING ON WITH THEIR LIFE???
Wow
that's actually really, really sad.
Ok, you win..
I thought we had it bad. BM goes around town telling our friends that my hubby still loves her and that he's only with me because she left him and that she could have him back if she wanted. AND is telling her church that I stole him from her. What a crock!
But you win on this one! She IS nuts and needs to buy herself a lover at Love Stuff and move on!
Hahah
It doesn't matter if you had a affair or not,
If the man lives with you and is your husband the stupid pitiful low life x has no right to keep bashing you. Good think for me I refuse to let the bitch.