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SO changes plans to take SD on our free day because BM wanted him to

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 6:13pm

It doesn't seem to matter that we had plans.He doesn't even think it is necessary to ask me for my opinion.When stupid bith BM tells him he needs to take his child he doesn't hesitate to say yes even though we had plans and it doesn't suit .When I told him that he should have talked to me before and hung up on his ex to discuss things with me first he said he "doesn't treat people like this!".So it is ok to treat me like this , but not BM.
I sit here and can't stop crying for let down like this again.

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oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:07pm

Dtzybind, I agree, of course BM tries these things for her convenience, I totally agree- he should have not let her get away with it.I am blaming him big time not her.All he needed to do was to tell her he is calling her back for that issue.But, no , he gives her all the power again.
It seems so easy to just carve in with her instead of talking to me first.

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

Submitted by Great Mom but h... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 10:00pm

Ugh. I feel your pain! Nothing drives me more nuts than having plans changed without my knowledge or agreement! Your needs have to be respected. I'd feel put aside as well.

Better have a good chat with your man and let him know that once you have made plans together, short of an earthquake, he better not change them!

Good luck!

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 10:53pm

Thanks" Great Mom but".....we had some very serious conversations and fights- it is so draining but I stood my ground.He better doesn't do that anymore.Right now I am so not looking forward to have SD here soon.:(

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 1:33am

If you had plans, you need to CONTINUE with your plans. If your plans were to go to dinner, find a friend and go to dinner anyway. Whatever you were doing, find a friend or go alone and DO IT. DO NOT stay home. If you do, you are only allowing him to continue to put BMs wishes ahead of yours. Do NOT stay home. Keep your plans.

This happened to me ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I finally stopped complaining. One evening I started getting ready to go out to a friend's house, it was an adult party. He was SHOCKED to say the least and pretty ticked off. I let him know that just like he did NOT consult me for the change of plans, I had no reason to consult with him on my continuing with the plans I already had. It happened only once or twice after that and each time I continued with my plans. Heck, every single weekend after that, the ones he did not have his daughter, I made sure to have plans. He started getting upset that he was stuck at home while BM was out and about and so was I. From that point forward, he made SURE to consult with me first and NEVER got ticked off if I said "sure, but I have plans and do not plan to break them". Actually, he would then normally say "NO TO BM".

In our situations you MUST DEMAND respect, otherwise, EVERYONE will walk all over you.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 4:49am

This ^^^^^

I did this when my DH felt he didn't have to consult me. Apparently like BM I was trying to "control" him and he kept asking why he had to always run things past me, as he didn't appreciate having HIS schedule with HIS child dictated to (it seems BM could do it and boy did she run our weekends, every weekend).

The time I spent crying, begging, arguing and getting hurt/angry over this subject and tbh the *only* thing which worked was ME getting on with my life, and one step further, making a life WITHOUT DH (and ss when he was with us). As herewegoagain says, our men LOVE having us home with them, their favourite time is when their child and we are with them as one happy unit. They want us to play at family time and to spend time with them. When you don't and you do not consult them about plans and what you are doing, they soon don't like being left on their own while you are out having a blast. Hey didn't DH set the ground rules about consulting one another? Didn't he say he didn't feel he had to? Well there you go, same rule applies to you.

My DH's mouth falls open when I treat him to his own medicine and he will get the message loud and clear.

p.s go and enjoy no matter how annoyed DH gets and plaster that smile on when you leave the house (be calm and do not show him he has gotten to you no matter what is said/done). THAT will piss him off more, as if you storm out in anger/hurt he will be satisfied you have learnt your lesson about excluding him and not following HIS plan, and your point will have been lost! Hope you have fun.

xtina's picture

Submitted by xtina on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 12:09pm

You wrote the post I was about to write!!! Its our day with no kids and I woke up to SO leaving to pick up SS5! My opinion doesn't matter I guess.