GAG ME!! SD showed up with pics of my bf and BM. I'm sick of BM's games!
OH MY GOSH....so of course having FSD the last couple days around has been trying of course...as usual she displays selfish behavior w/my son-refuses to share then insists he shares with her.
Yesterday I had a stressful day...went out shopping w/my boys for a few hours-then came home, left them w/the bf and took SD out shopping again -I had a couple things to get and she had some gift cards from her bday she wanted to get some outfits with-that's cool-figured it be a nice girl bonding time.
Overally the outing went ok. Anyway-she just seemed in an "off" mood, pouty, almost like PMS.
Well-at one of the stores she chooses a new wallet, so she's transfering stuff from her old wallet to the new one. The old wallet is one her mom very recently gave her because she got a new one...it was the first time I saw her w/this wallet (her moms). Anyway-the SD says oh..but I can't fit my pictures in the new wallet...and she's holding the little pouch, you know the transparent holders kind-but it's scaled so it won't fit. I don't think she purposely was trying to show me but it was out-and I said you know...look if you had the one that is stacked you can fit it, I'm trying to describe it but catch a glimpse of her w/both her parents in a picture when she was about 4 or 5.
So I just say, this is a nice picture! She then says yeah I guess we're sitting in traffic we can look at them. SO I do-there is WEDDING picture of her mom/dad. There is a PROM picture of her mom/dad, and then the picture with the three of them-then a few other baby pictures of her and her moms friends kids. So obviously this was being carried around in her moms wallet all this time.
WHO carries pictures of your prom (dating) and wedding and family pictures of your EX when you've been divorced 4-5 years...I mean really!!! And THEN to give them to your daughter as part of the wallet?! WTF? Who DOES that!
No wonger the girl seemed upset and conflicted the whole day! I mentioned it to my bf and he said-oh yeah...she showed them to me earlier this morning also and I was shocked she had them.
I KNOW this was a passive-agressive move from the BM knowing she's carrying the wallet and doing shopping w/us this week so there was a good chance the pics would be seen. What a freak. Somehow I was able to muster out...wow, these are nice pictures...your dad looked so young, so handsome. But inside I was like wtf?
Don't you think this sends the girl conflicting messages about their relationship?? I mean I know mom is messed up to carry them around this long but then give it to her D-right around the Holidays..as we're starting to bond and form our families together. WTF EVER!
OH YEAH-and remember she had surgery not long ago..it was semi serious but why do you go and tell your D...I could have died. If they caught it one day later I would have died just like your greatgrandma did ...WHAT?? I told SD she was too young to worry about that kind of stuff and her mom was fine and not to worry.
But she says..well I know-I was just worried because she could have died the day before or of my birthday. Stupid friggin idiot. WHY would you tell your child that???
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How 'bout a nice framed photo
How 'bout a nice framed photo of you two or three for Christmas?
(Yes, mother is a whack job, like most of them.) One pic I can see, that's just stupid.
F.
ewwww! How long have they
ewwww! How long have they been divorced? Not that it really matters, that is a tad creepy. for both SD and BM.
About 4-5 years? I know, it
About 4-5 years? I know, it IS creepy. I know the ex tries to do things to get him back. I know this was a passive agressive move on her part.
I know the SD never carried those around before...she just inherited it because her mom gave her her old wallet...but why wouldn't she take them out? Why put the girl through emotional turmoil? I mean she's looking at pics of her mom/dad together with ME in the car, after we go shopping- you know the girl has to have some confusing thoughts and loyalty issues running through her head. Especially during Christmas! I'm sure the BM did this on purpose-either because she knew my bf would see them (or me) or to have her D on board w/her wanting to get back with my bf (her EX). I'm just majorly pissed about this.
If BM is doing this to get to
If BM is doing this to get to you which it does kind of sound like...I think that's really sad. You're right, SD probably is a little confused about that and not that she shouldn't see photos of her parents together but if she knows her mother is carrying those around in her wallet then wouldn't that suggest to her that BM is holding onto some hope that she will get your bf back? When you're young, you believe everything your mother says/does because you don't know any better. If BM is filling her little head with these ideas that they could be a happy family together again and that doesn't happen SD would see her mother sad and be really resentful towards you. I feel bad for your SD, it seems like BM is using her as bait for her little trap. Have you talked to SD before about her parents not being together, or does your bf talk to her about it? I'm just wondering what kinds of feelings she has about her parents being divorced.
Exactly!! I'm thinking that
Exactly!! I'm thinking that is what BM does. And I'm sure it causes conflicting feelings towards me. Though I do know she generally likes me and likes to see her dad happy also. She knows for a fact that her dad would not ever fathom or entertain the idea of getting back w/BM. She knows that dad does not think much of mom and generally dislikes her (though he does NOT talk bad things about her). It's very clear to the SD from my bf that getting back together would never happen. In fact I think she has a loyalty issue because it's her mom-but she DOES prefer her dad over mom and I honestly think she knows dad deserves better kwim?
But I'm sure it's time for another conversation-especially since she has the pictures there. Time for her dad to approach her again-maybe after Christmas. I don't feel at libery still to ask her about her feelings on it or her parents being together.
I guess I could always approach her in how she feels about me being in her dads life?
You have a good point Crayon.
You have a good point Crayon. I have asked my kids if they like having my bf around-just out of simple curiosity and to have them open up and because I do care how they feel about us-not that they are the ones to make the choice kwim? Luckily they love the guy to pieces. BUT I'm their mom...I'm only her FSM...so yeah, I think her dad should approach her about the recent interest in the pictures.
I guess I see it as they don't get any sayso in the relationship but they are entitled to have their own feelings about it.
Doubt it....very
Doubt it....very much...because the girl said mom just gave her her wallet because she got a new one.
Believe me...I'd rather think that but she does so many passive agressive moves ..
So here I am 7 years after my
So here I am 7 years after my husband divorced his ex wife. Recently we moved and all the kids have been scrummaging thru boxes that have been in storage for around that amount of time.
My stepdaughters found pictures in a box. It was of their parent's in the younger years, their marriage, their mom pregnant with them, lots of baby pictures.
My perfectly innocent stepdaughters were showing me lots of pictures of their mom and dad, telling me "OMG! look how young they look!!"
I have to admit that my stomach just dropped at the sight of my husband hugging his exwife. At the sight of them holding their first born together. It squeezed my heart and it was hard for me to muster the facade of agreeing and sharing in their excitement.
overit, I could be wrong a thousand times over in regards to your situation... but I have found that the majority of most people, and more specifically kids, usually our emotions and reactions are often more about US then anyone else. My stepkids were reacting to old pictures and reminiscing without thinking twice about an adult's feelings to seeing their spouse in pictures with another woman.... the same way my own insecurities are what caused my heartache.
They are just pictures to your SD of two people she loves. I don't think it represents a relationship she is craving between her mom and dad. Kiddos of divorce are usually fear driven that if a parent goes away, the love does too. It's why the desire for the parents to stay together, not because they want them to. I find that if you reinforce the love? The fear seems to subside.
I also find that when I am forced to be reminded that my husband once loved another woman a long time ago...
...I reinforce the fact that now it is different. The love of his life is me, even back then, we just hadn't found each other yet.
^ I reinforce the fact that
^ I reinforce the fact that now it is different. The love of his life is me, even back then, we just hadn't found each other yet.
My BF and I say that all the time.
I would just tell sd that I
I would just tell sd that I am glad you have those pictures of your parents. Its nice for kids to see their parents in happy moments. Then she can go tell BM how happy you were to see the pics. We're confident woman, bullshit like this isn't anything to worry about of course.
I have pics of me and my ex and my kids enjoy seeing them. I don't destroy them, I gave them to the kids.
Its disturbing that BM wants you to see these pics OBVIOUSLY, it's like, what's her frickin deal? I mean, its over, quit trying to hold on to the past and move on psycho BM.
I think it is important in
I think it is important in MOSt situations for skids to see that their parents were happy together at one time...
It's weird she seemed to still carry the pics in her wallet, but admit it, don't you have photos of old boyfriends stilll stashed away somewhere? I know I do. Each former relationship represents a growing stage into who I became, showed me what I wanted and didn't want from my man, and led me to find the right one. It's not easy to forget he had another life before me- I deal with the reminders of it all the time. They live in my basement- LOL
As long as SD doesn't seem to be parading them around on purpose, it doesn't seem like a big deal. If it creeps you out, and she's old enough, and you are close enough, talk to her about it.
We had similar situation last spring when SD started gathering up things for college. she found an old wedding photo of the two of them together, and put it in her collage of photos. I'd seen the picture before- they np longer have an effect on me. But I did discuss how that made me feel, ad she changed it out...
THanks all for your comments.
THanks all for your comments. Right now I'm just so pissed at the FSD, or maybe NOT FSD because of her attitude. I'm tired of her bullying my kids, and she said some outright mean things to us as a family. She asks for help on the computer and think she can get the boys to help by bullying them? I don't think so! THank goodness he's taking her home right now. CHristmas was good overall, both at his place and mine-the kids did ok. She was an absolute pain in my ass today though-couldn't wait till she left. Ughhh...I honestly don't know if marriage is on the cards for me-I love him-but honestly sometimes she's too much for me to handle, and it's unfair to my kids. My oldest has never complained about her too much-today he was saying "break up w/ bf-I don't want to see her face anymore-I really like bf and he's nice but I dont' ever want her as a sister".
I think a talk is in order-because from here on out, though I've let him discipline mostly-my house, my rules. If she doesn't like it she can not come or go in time out when she acts out-like I do with my boys-and another talk will be-if we do marry, I have no intention of her living w/us full time-at all....Not sure if there's time to undo her moms damage. I know there's always the possibility in back of my mind (if BM dies or something) but I certainly have no intention of ever going to battle legally for this kid. Maybe take marriage OFF the table, that way if we are just living together seriously there's not much room for us to take her in....maybe keep the small house. Oops-no room! SO sorry!