Vent about the NCP deadbeat...
Ok-so see my exh has this history since we've been divorced of thinking HE can control my schedule/plans and have me constantly hanging by not giving a determined yes/no, time/date of plans with kids. For YEARS it's been up in the air whether he will see them, whether it will be Fri or Sat, whther it will be 10am or 12 noon or 6pm on Sat. He never does take the 2-4 weeks of summer he's "granted"...nor any other spring break/winter holiday, etc..on ocassion he'll keep them an extra day if a holiday falls on Monday.
Anyways-so my bf's parents bought him a tent recently-they want us (him, me all the kids) to go camping with them. Obviously him and I are BOTH nervous about the kids and camping overnight and not sure I even look forward to it (because sd will be there lol)..BUT it also could be tons of fun. They seem to all behave better when other adults are around (in this case bf's parents). They wanted to go this weekend...bf didn't confirm because he's not sure what my boys were doing w/their dad and asked me.
SO I call the ex about if he's spending the day Sunday with the boys
Him:why?
Me:because we were thinking of going camping Sat but can always come back early am Sunday.
Him:..well, maybe if you can reach them to your brothers around lunchtime I can take them to lunch
Me: Just lunch, are you spending the day with them or what?
Him: Well I don't know a few hrs maybe.
Me: Ok-well I'll do what I need to do then.
Him: I have a going away party for someone Saturday so I'll let you know
Me: What does Sat have to do with Sunday??
HIm: Just saying, I'll let you know what time after that.
Me: Goodbye.
OK-first of all FUCK that. I called him because I would NOT go camping if he wanted to spend the day with them starting sometime Sunday am or returned early (forget him ever taking an extra wknd because it's fathers day wknd). Second-you think you can control my plans again by "i'll let you know" sometime late Sat, Sunday am...all to just go to lunch a couple hrs and bring them home?
DON"T think so...I'm DONE with having my life, plans, everything planned around his "i have things to do, i'll let you know when it's convenient for me".
For years I could never make my own social plans because he purposely wouldn't tell me what day/time he was seeing the kids-I could never make plans w/people or otherwise always seemed like a flake myself. With friends, etc...forgot tryign to plan a date ever.
So, I"m sick of seing both his ex and mine get their way with us and we are the idiots....I don't give a shit if it's fathers day-I dare him to try and take court action on it-he won't I am certain (plus our order says they are with him all fathers day wknd regardless of who's 'wknd' it is-his 'non intent for visitation this wknd means I can make plans)
I will go camping-I will return when I damn well please on Sunday and I will "let him know" if I get back in town at a decent time for him to be bothered to see his children a couple hrs on fathers day. Otherwise they can celebrate next week 
There, done.
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I would just go camping and
I would just go camping and take them. When you come back and if he has a problem with it tell him that this is what will happen everytime he doesnt stick to a normal schedule. If something you want to do is requested and he cant give a definite answer you will just do what you want and take the kids with you if you want. If he doenst like it he knows what to do....but he wont go to court or anything or else he would have to explain why he takes so much less time then he is already granted!
You know and then he wonders
You know and then he wonders why the boys never want to go spend the wknd with him-and have often thrown temper tantrums in front of him and refused to get in the car...he's shown very little interest in them for years and now because he's 10pct more consistent expects them to be all excited to see him.
Well-plans seemed like their f'ed anyway....or maybe not. Just talked to the bf-who tells me he got a text from his parents saying "sd will be coming over (to their house-to which he's expected of course to go get her) Sunday night to Tuesday. WTF???!!! SO again, bm, sd and his parents make a decision for him, well and us...I started getting so upset on the phone I just finally cut it short. Told him I'm tired of everyone else making decisions for us w/out asking our plans or letting him decide, and then my ex does his crap...our exe's BOTH seem to always get their way, every single damn time. I'm tired of it.
I'm quite tempted to make my own plans ALONE with my kids this wknd and screw everyone else-if bf can't stand up to his parents and put his foot down and HIM start making the decisions about his time that's his problem. I'm starting now with my ex. NO LONGER will I be a doormat...bad enough I"m doormat by default because of his ex's tricks and his parents compliance. I'm about to turn into that witch I tell ya.
Seems to work for them (exe's) to demand to get their way.
Edited to add: as minutes go by I'm getting more and more furious abotu his ex's latest "change of plans for what works for me" bullshit...SHE ten times more then my ex does this bs...I feel like I'm going to snap-seriously about to catch a case...I feel it...don't know what/how but someone will feel the wrath...I'm about to flip the switch from sane to "what the hell's happened to her?". I'm so beyond pissed right now. Over-controlling narcissitic abusive aholes...I wish they would cross paths (both our exe's). Oh- found out the bm has some clot issues that are "oh god it's so serious" bs drama she always pulls...at least Karma comes back to haunt her ass with her health on the regular. GOOD! Hope she rots!
That whole situation sounds
That whole situation sounds SO frustrating!
It reminds me of a story from when my SS was 3. Before my DH's divorce was complete we had SS every weekday evening, and every weekend as well (BM being pretty much just daycare at that point). We had an event in another state (8 hour drive) so we asked BM if she could watch SS on that weekend 3 months in advance. She didnt have a problem with it, so we made our plans.
The DAY BEFORE we get ready to go she tells us we now have to bring SS3 with us to this not family friendly event 8 hours away simply because she decided the wanted to go to the bar with her sister one night. I was SO pissed.
DH has since laid down the law a bit that if it's not our weekend, it's not our problem.
How drunk and/or how lucky is
How drunk and/or how lucky is what I read into it.