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Huzaah! A small bit of progress last night.

paul_in_utah's picture

For those that have followed my posts here, you know that my DW is a big fan of the "friendship" or "free-range" approach to parenting, and seldom disciplines SD17. Heck, she hardly ever admits that SD17 ever even does anything wrong. Last night, though, there was a spark of hope. Backstory:

I've been having a lot of issues with SD17 recently, and had to put a locking door on my home office so that SD17 will not mess with work stuff. After this, I decided that we needed to make some changes to an upcoming family vacation, since I do not think that I can handle being around SD for that long. We were originally going to go on a family cruise, but we decided that DW and SD would go on a less expensie cruise themselves, and that DW and I would go on a better cruise later, just the two of us. DW informed SD of this last night, and she was excited that she would not have to be around me on the cruise, and would have DW all to herself during that time.

Last night, SD got bad because I had picked up her room again. She gets FURIOUS if I so much as touch "her" stuff, even though I am actually doing her job for her. She calls DW upstairs and bitches about this, saying it was "stupid" for me to expect her to pick up after herself, and "stupid" for me expecting the house to be neat. DW actually backed me up for once, and told SD that what I wanted was reasonable, and if she picked up after herself, she wouldn't have to worry about me touching "her" stuff.

DW comes down and tells me about the conversation with SD. Still mindful of the fact that I will be paying for a vacation for SD and my DW, DW looks at me and says, "You know what, she might be kind of an ingrate." HAHAHAHA! Finally, an admission that SD might not be perfect. I never thought I would hear it, since I am so used to hearing DW stick up for SD no matter what. Granted, it was a heavily qualified admission - she "might" be "kind of" an ingrate, but it was an admission nonetheless.

Not a whole lot of progress, but at least it was something.

Comments

paul_in_utah's picture

At that this point, it is mainly to piss off SD17. Like I said, she can't stand having someone touch "her" stuff. At some point I may shift back into passive mode, but for now, I get more bang for my buck this way.

Auteur's picture

Paul, picking up after her is not disengaging, however you can still be disengage and protect YOUR stuff from her.

This is placation b/c they know they've "tapped" you as an asset. Believe me this stuff doesn't get any better. I don't know how many times these guiltzillas do a 180 on us.

alwaysanxious's picture

Hmm, maybe we are with the same guy? Mine goes through the same extremes. It used to really throw me off, now I just now all he says is temporary.