Stressed to the Nth Degree and No end in Sight.
I am in a really bad place. So I am just going to vent for a moment.
Work is extremely stressful for me right now. I am pulled in so many directions at work. There are 11 sales people who plop their production in my lap. Plus, I am the sports log coordinator. I have over 180 barter spots to get in every Friday and Monday. And I have a DIVA talent who whines about every little thing he can find to whine about.
Then there is school. I know the pressure here is what I put on myself. BUT, If I don't get A's how am I ever going to market myself at 50 as THE choice compared to some 25 year old when I graduate? I have to be the best in my class in order to get the job offers. I MUST excel. I can't go to summer school this year because the semester will start while I am in Nebraska (info on that coming up) AND there is no money available because life/car/bills etc. I discovered this semester that if I am to guarantee a 4.0; I can NOT take more than 6 hours a semester which means I won't graduate until December 2020. JESUS CHRIST!
Then there is home. DH has MS and high functioning Autism. SS14 has a form of high functioning Autism. Money is always scarce. It's up to me to keep us afloat.
There is no vacation for me coming up. No break. No respite. We ARE taking a vacation at the end of May/first of June, but that is to drive from Louisiana to Nebraska; (20 hours in the car each way...locked in the car) to see DH's youngest daughter (the extremely emotional whinny one who hates her father) graduate high school AND to see her new baby (that is due any second now). At the same time we will see his middle daughter and HER spawn (2 year old). All while in close proximity to their BM.
He can't make the trip without me.
I am sick to the stomach all the time. This morning he wanted to canoodle and I just wanted to punch him. I love him. But at this very moment; I just want to be alone.
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Hon, you need to find
Hon, you need to find SOMETHING to help you de-stress. Even if it's ONE HOUR somewhere doing something/nothing. Your stress (and I'm guessing anxiety as well) is very high. Have you considered trying anxiety meds to help? {{hugs}}
You aren't alone. I am sick
You aren't alone. I am sick with stress all of the time lately. I am trying to remember that nothing is permanent - not even this shitty, stressful time. Take care of yourself - food/water/sleep/exercise and spiritual health too - mediation helps some of my friends, I turn to prayer.
I wish I could meditate.
I wish I could meditate.
Maybe meditation? I find
Maybe meditation? I find that when my calendar gets full with my stuff, BS7 stuff, work and then knowing I still have get house cleaned, laundry done, horses taken care of and on and on and on.. I get stressed and anxious. My therapist suggested taking just 5 minutes to meditate. There was also a report on the news a few weeks ago about the benefits of meditation. They did a study and found that people who practiced meditation dealt with stressful situations far better than people who didn't.
when I'm at work I actually play meditation music in the background.. you know with the waterfall sounds or creek sounds. I find it really does help.
That really sucks that you are getting a "vacation" but it's going to spent doing crap you have no desire to do.
Why can't DH make the trip
Why can't DH make the trip without you?? Is there another family member that would be able/willing to make the trip with them?
That would be a PERFECT time to take some time for YOU. It's likely going to be stressful there, too, with the SK's and their kids, AND BM!!! UGH - that it NOT a vacation! :jawdrop:
I agree! Use the money you'd
I agree! Use the money you'd blow in gas and wear and tear on your car and buy ONE round trip ticket for DH. Surely he can manage flying on a plane on his own can't he?
with MS, you never know when
with MS, you never know when you'll get a "spell" or "attack".
my aunt has MS. she almost killed herself once - while driving, she lost control of her right leg. it just went dead, and she could not take it off the accelerator.
OP's husband needs a companion. it could be dangerous to go alone. i agree tho' to an above suggestion of maybe asking another relative if there's one nearby? especially if OP can work and not burn PTO.
Have you considered respite
Have you considered respite care or perhaps hiring a CNA who can do the trip with your DH? Or just give you a weekend off? Maybe even see if someone from a church who can help with the household things like cleaning or grocery shopping?
Respite care search: https://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/resource-guide
Your GPA won't matter. As
Your GPA won't matter. As long as you're above a 3.0. So deal with getting some Bs. Not that I take my own advice on this!