A Tale of Terror: Thanksgiving and the in-laws from Hell

So here is my dilema: I agreed to let my DH do Thanksgiving here and invite his freeloading, surly parents. I hate these people and with good reason. They are jackasses. They still have pictures of the Ex hanging up in their house. They have dinner with her frequently and socialize. Also whenever they are here they find a way to bring up the Ex in conversation, generally singing her praises. And I will say that recently she has done one thing to help mankind, she got sterilized. }:) Anywho, I have mentioned to my DH that perhaps they should spend the holidays with the EX-beyotch seeing as they adore her so much. My husband makes excuses for them. And by the way they Never mention the EX if DH is within earshot. They do it only to me, twisting the knife in my side. So I vented this all to my mother (greatest Mom ever) and she told me that is why she and my father are not coming to my house for Thanksgiving. Because they basically hate these people and get tired of their bs.
My mother then instructed me to do the following should the Ex be brought up:
Stand up and very loudly state that "that woman is of no consequence to me and I do not what her name ever brought up in MY house again".

So what do you think? Can I do it? Should I do it? Any addtional feedback would be appreciated and the more evil the better. *Insert evil step-mother laugh here*

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So they only do this when

So they only do this when your DH is not around? Easy - just look at them at say "Shut the fuck up you moron brain piece of shit excuses for humanity." If your DH is one of those "it didn't happen if I didn't witness it" kind of guys you have a free pass to do almost anything to them.

Your tag line would make a

Your tag line would make a perfect reply to any of their comments too.

Sounds like my inlaws. They

Sounds like my inlaws. They prattle on about what a *stellar* person BM is. Whatevs.

I wouldn't stoop to being stupid at Thanksgiving. Sometimes, being the bigger person is worth it.

Ugh my MIL loves to bring up

Ugh my MIL loves to bring up BM. Then they all sit around and discuss her for an hour. They are not saying nice things but either way I don't want to hear about her or talk about her. I usually get up and walk away if I can. This is part of the reason we are going away for Thanksgiving!!!

I wouldn't have the nerve to say anything but since MIL discusses BM to DH, I have warned him that I better not hear her f**kin name again. Now I notice if MIL brings her up, DH changes the subject. It is just ridiculous that I have to worry about it.

They love discussing her at Christmas dinner because they go on and on about how BM doesn't buy anyone presents and poor wittle SD16 gets no presents from her!! I used to love the holidays. Not so much anymore.

It would be nice if you could

It would be nice if you could do the following…every time they mention BM, reach over and thump them on the nose. When they ask WTF…tell then that is what happens when people mention BM in your house. Lol

I think that DH should actually tell them that you AND DH are making your house BM free so no one wants to talk or hear about BM. Will DH do that?

"In-Laws, I know you think

"In-Laws, I know you think you are spending TG with us but this year we think it is very cruel of us to drag you away from your BFF. So go. Spend TG with your friend. We COMPLETELY understand."

I know it's Thanksgiving and

I know it's Thanksgiving and we *should* all take the high road, but after so long of putting up with hearing how wonderful the ex is, I'd be ready to :sick: You could very sweetly find a way to ask them since they think the ex craps ice cream, why on earth would they want to spend Thanksgiving with YOU instead of HER? lol!

I love being passive

I love being passive aggressive. You should say this when they bring her up "Hey why don't we invite her over?? I was hoping to find more ways to spend time with her. Then, let's invite my ex husband over so we can reminisce over the wonderful times we spent together. We could be one big happy family." They will probably look at you with blank stares, and then you know you have won. If they bring her up again, then you can see " I would appreciate not bringing her into conversation in my home. Now please pass the mashed potatoes"

You could put your hands over

You could put your hands over your ears every time they mention her and loudly say, "I cant hear you. I cant hear you. I cant hear you". Eventually they will get the picture.

LOL ^^^^^^^

Or how about even saying to

Or how about even saying to them, all therapist-style, "You really seem to love talking about BM with me. Would you like to discuss your feelings and reasons for always doing this?" Just make them really uncomfortable with a line of brutally honest questions. Then, when they do the blank "what-just-happened" stare, you can slip in the other line about please not mentioning her in YOUR house...please pass the braised fennel.

^^^NOW THAT is some funny

^^^NOW THAT is some funny shit!

Statements to inlaws: If they

}:) Statements to inlaws:

If they don't like her
What do you think you did wrong raising DH that he chose to marry someone so disfunctional? What do you wish you had done differently? - put the blame on THEM for raising a son who made such a stupid decision.

If they love her
What do you think your precious son did to ruin his marriage to such a wonderful wife? (forget that she cheated with half the fleet). Why do you think he was so screwed up - what did you do wrong in your parenting? Again - it MUST be their fault.

Or if all else fails just have a squirt bottle filled with water and shoot them in the face everytime they mention BM. It worked to keep the cat off the counters.

LMAO.. LOVE the squirt gun

LMAO.. LOVE the squirt gun idea. OMG, I am peeing on myself right now. I can see it now "Oh BM just sent us the..." SQUIRT!!
"WTF, what was that for?"
"That's what's gonna happen every time you mention that bitches name in MY house. Now, you were saying?"