I probably shouldn't complain about this
But given that it's a skid weekend and my give a fuck reserve is low, I will.
DH has been really improving in terms of parenting the skids. This house is no longer a frat house for teens and preteens with kids dropping in and ignoring rules whenever they feel like it.
But.
(There's always a but, isn't there?)
He puts the onus of bad guy on me. Example: Skid1 has one friend he's become close to. A couple of weeks ago, when the friend, Chubbs, returned from spending the summer out of state with his dad, skid1 asked DH if Chubbs could spend the night. DH responded "Well, it's okay by me but let me see what Queen says when she gets home from work." When he told me that, I let him know that he had effectively tied my hands, and he agreed. In my opinion, he should have just said "We'll see" or something to that effect until I got home.
Then, he did it again tonight.
Truthfully, Chubbs is a good kid and having him around means not having skid1 up DH's ass all night. I don't really mind, except we both have to work tomorrow morning and it would be easier on me not to have yet another kid of someone else's to feed, etc. But if I say no, skid1 knows it was JUST ME objecting, and regardless of whether or not my reasons are valid, I become the bad guy.
I am glad he considers my opinion, believe me. I just hate the way he puts me on the spot and shifts the responsibility onto me.
He's a slow learner with this stuff. We'll have the talk again, and probably again before it sinks in. Oy Vey.
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You are right. But it's like
You are right. But it's like choosing the lesser of two evils. If the friend doesn't come over, skid follows DH around like a lost puppy. He is completely incapable of entertaining himself.
I believe when they "put us
I believe when they "put us on the spot" they are passive aggressively punishing us for having an opinion in the first place that might require horrific action on their part-saying no for example.
Of course they "run it past us" so they can pretend to be the good guy as they remove our choice or shift us into the role of bad guy.
These guilty daddies can be tricky.
Yep. And DH is so subtle in
Yep. And DH is so subtle in his guilty daddy ways - just like this example. He, luckily for me, is the type of man who CAN look at his flaws objectively. When I point this out to him, he won't get defensive - he'll see the truth in it and agree. It just takes A LOT of patience on my part for him to actually change. He is lazy about parenting, for sure.
I don't even know why he feels guilty. The end of his marriage to BM was NOT his fault - she chose to spread her legs and open her mouth for anything with a dick or a pussy, including his "friends".
The fact that you at least
The fact that you at least got asked is a step in the right direction lol there's hope! I have SD here overnight right now while DH is working midnights and I have a very cranky teething baby who won't sleep. I wasn't even asked first! It's not that I really mind being with her for one night...lucky for me she is well behaved (albeit a little bit annoying, but aren't they all??)...but still. You could have at least asked first. Sheesh.
LOL - yes my OH wavers
LOL - yes my OH wavers between these two options as well
either he just unilaterally decides who/what/when - regardless of me or anyone else who lives here - and if I dare to complain about not being consulted I get the usual shitty comments like "oh, I didn't see it being a problem, I guess I'm just more easy-going than you!" or "WHY would you possibly have a problem with sd having a friend over? I could think of NO reason why you should say no!"
or my personal favourite "oh, I have to ASK YOUR PERMISSION for my kid to have a friend over now????"
no. It's called being considerate of the needs, thoughts and feelings of the other adult members of the house. You don't KNOW what I am doing, how I am feeling - for all you know I am in bed with a migraine, or have off-loaded the dd's and am planning special kinky sex and ONLY EXPECTING YOU HOME!
I ALWAYS run it by him BEFORE consenting. It's just respectful, considerate behaviour.
So, now I get the crappy "consulting" that you are getting OP - and it pisses me off to no end when he says to SD "Well, *I* have no problem with it but I'll just check with Luchay..."
WTF man.
After DH allowed skids'
After DH allowed skids' friends to stay the night a few times without consulting me, I let him know that I do not pay 1/2 the bills around here for nothing - I am a goddamned adult and I DO have a say in who is here. He always asks me now. But damn, he asks in such a way that I feel obligated to say yes, even if I don't want to.
WTF indeed.