What have I done?
Ok, so we had a good day. Went to my Dad's Company picnic, just H and I. Great day! I swear my good mood had nothing to do with H telling me he was bringing SD home a day early...mostly nothing. Anyway, knowing he is doing this for the sake of my nerves and sanity I feel guilty. Even though I told him I was doing much better and would like hime to spend all the time he can with her. I even told him I would like her to stay. THESE WORDS ACTUALLY CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH! Along with a tiny bit of vomit.
H says he already has it set with BM to do it tomorrow so we are just going to stay with that. Ok, cool. Here's where I let my guilt get the better of me. I said to H...I sh*t-you-not..."Would you like US to take her to do something tomorrow? Maybe mini golf? After that WE can take her home?"
As soon as I said it I got dizzy and my mouth filled with saliva...ya know, like right before you hurl. I'm about to start trying to talk my way out of what I just said but H was alreading beaming from ear to ear and looked like he might cry. I don't think I've ever seen him so...I don't know what it was but I've never seen it before. Crap. Well, I couldn't shake that 'buyers remorse' feeling so I did manage to get out these few sentences: "If you want to spend a daddy/daughter day for the end of her visit I wouldn't be offended. I'd still take the ride if you want. I don't think mini golf even opens early enough for us to be able to get her home on time."
I tried not to sound too desperate but desperate enough that he would take pity on me and let me off the hook. He was too deep in whatever euphoric daydream he was having about the 3 of us living happily ever after to see my subtleness. Crap. I'm going to invest in a muzzle for myself.
In the end, the plan for tomorrow winded up being a round of bowling and a long 2 hour drive to BM's. Crap. Sometimes, even though I mean well, I end up making things worse. I need to make sure the mp3 player is charged.
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Plan for the worst, hope for
Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and expect/assume nothing...my new mantra
If H wasn't trying as hard as
If H wasn't trying as hard as he has been I really don't think I would have put myself this far out there. I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment but just in case I have already put a pillow and blanky in the closet...it's so cozy in there when the world sucks so bad out here LOL
HAHA no but I had one after!
HAHA no but I had one after! I think it was closer to guilt induced word vomit than a nice gesture...but I'll take it
Tomorrow I'm being fitted for
Tomorrow I'm being fitted for a special jacket that helps me hug myself...it has lots of pretty, shiney buckles.
I do this all the time. I
I do this all the time. I just make sure that wherever we go there is 1) Alcohol, 2) Something to entertain me, 3) Something separate to entertain the skids.
Pool is perfect, DH always lets me lay out while he's IN the pool with them.