My DD15 thinking of moving in with me

Hey all,

I knew this day would come, especially when the ex is constantly grounding her and pushing her away. He's neglectful, doesn't care if she sits in her room 24/7 as long as her chores are done and consistently makes promises to her he never keeps. He has let her down so much over the past couple of years she's lived with him and she's just about done.

She says she's had a few conversations with her dad about moving in with me and he tells her "fine, you can go, but I'll still have all the control, so don't think it'll be some party there". Not quite sure what that means, but whatever.

Anyhow, she said she'll make her decision by summer time. That means having a serious discussion with my ex about changing the parenting plan, stopping his child support every month (which he's going to HATE because he uses it to pay his live-in girlfriend's Jeep payment) and moving to a bigger place in a better school district that allows pets (DD will be bringing our 13 yr old Australian Shepherd and her cat as well). So, we'd have to find a place that is close to a good school, since she'll likely have to walk until next year when she can drive and the logistics of it all are overwhelming but very doable.

I already told ex that I would waive my rights to child support as long as he paid for her flights for summer visitation up there. Right now, I pay him $500 per month CS, I pay for any travel except her summer here. I'd ask that he pay for any travel since I'll be paying for her medical and full time care, not asking for child support of any kind otherwise.

She'll be here at the end of this month for a week for spring break and I'm hoping she can get over her fear of leaving her friends. Hell, her friends there have also been telling her she'd be better off here and they'd jump on the opportunity if it were given to them.

All I can do now is sit back and let her know I support whatever she decides to do, we love her here and she's always welcome to come. Can't help but get a bit excited of the thought.

I asked DH how he'd adjust to having her full time (along with my dog and another cat) and he said "I want to be a dad to her, a true father, one she can rely on and trust and one that she knows will be there for her. She's the daughter I always wanted!!!"

Now, cross your fingers that she gets over her fear of leaving her friends behind (even though she'll still see them during summers in MI) and can take the big step to switch schools and come here!

RedWingsFan's blog
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Yeah I do and can't wait to

Yeah I do and can't wait to see her at the end of the month. DH and DD have always gotten along great and she texts him every day. He loves her like she's his own and told me she's the "daughter he wished he had", especially since stepdevil is such a bitch and has basically written him off.

I'm so glad and all I can do is wait and hope. I'm trying my best not to get my hopes up because teens are so unpredictable with their moods, but she's been pretty consistent over the past few months saying she's about done with dad and Michigan and doesn't think it's worth staying another 3 yrs...

That's wonderful news! I'm

That's wonderful news! I'm glad your DH is so supportive.

Thanks - he really is

Thanks - he really is supportive and truly loves her like she's his own. See stepparents? It can happen. Especially since his daughter could give two shits about him, my daughter has always been the cool one anyway and they've always gotten along great. Then again, he's never had to discipline her (I do that) and she's never been disrespectful toward him (like stepdevil was to us both). Easy to love.

Anyhow, nothings been decided yet, but I have a feeling the next big blowout with her dad will send her packing. And I'll rent a car and drive up and get her, her cat and my dog and happily bring them home!

>>>he really is supportive

>>>he really is supportive and truly loves her like she's his own. See stepparents? It can happen.

Yes it can!

I will be sending good vibes your way

Have fingers crossed for ya

Have fingers crossed for ya Red!

Not to be a downer, but I wonder if your DD showing up will get to SD and bring her panting around in a fit of jealous rage....

SD doesn't have anything to

SD doesn't have anything to do with us or DH's family, so it's unlikely she'd find out about it anytime soon. And she's ALWAYS been jealous of my daughter, so she'd likely stay away and figure "dad's replaced me with her anyway"...

All I can do right now is try not to "talk" DD into anything. I simply told her to make a list of pros and cons to moving vs. staying there and weigh her options. I also told her I could let her tour some schools here when she comes at the end of the month for spring break, since I'll have the week off work.

I'm happy your daughter will

I'm happy your daughter will likely end up with you. It sounds like she'd be much better off with you and that your ex is a loser

And I hope this would make sd realize what she's missing out on and reach out to her dad, and maybe she'd enlist the support of him and another adult in her life if bm tries to fight it. I've always been stunned by how so many kids mature more fastly than others. I think that's what's happened with dd vs. sd. I think it'll take sd longer than it took dd to come to those realizations.

I do think you need to think about the possibility of them going to the same school if dd does move to CO. If that happens, hopefully you can talk with the teachers and administration about the situation and ask that they be kept separate.

Thanks and all I can do is

Thanks and all I can do is hope. I am doing my best not to try and sway her or talk her into it. I want this to be HER decision alone.

I honestly could care less if SD14 ever turns around. She's hurt her father and tried to break us up and just has lied and manipulated and caused so much hurt and anger.

No possibility of the two of them going to the same school. I won't allow it. We're already looking at places in Littleton, so she'd go to a different school altogether. We're actually not in stepdevil's school district where we live anyway.

It's just hard for me not to get excited. I know teenagers change their minds constantly, but it seems like she's just been talking about moving here more and more and just needs to gain the courage to leave. I think spring break and summer will be the deciding factors.

*

Me too. DH is excited too

Me too. DH is excited too and says he'll do whatever it takes to make her comfortable and welcome here.

I'm already looking into places closer to the schools we'd want her to attend. It'll cost a lot more initially to get set up but after that, we should be fine. And I'm not going to accept any child support from her dad, which will sweeten the deal for him. AND my dog and DD's cat will be coming with her, which will make ex's girlfriend happier than a pig in shit. She has a pug and wants another one but not while my Aussie and DD's cat is there.

Red, so happy for you... I

Red, so happy for you...

I don't mean to be the party pooper of the bunch here but let me remind you that it is not uncommon for children of divorced parents (especially teenagers) to seek out the home/parent that they feel will be more lenient when they are wanting to do their own thing.

I do not know the situation with your daughter except what I have read and wonder if to her you are the "fun" parent and her BD is the disciplinarian.

Is she running from rules and discipline?

As a BM and SP you know that children (even our own) can sometimes tell you how terrible they are having it when sometimes they just want no rules or discipline.

edited to add: Some of the things you stated about her BD are things SSstb18 has told BM and others about us.

With all of that said, I hope the very best for you and your daughter!

Oh I know, and you're not

Oh I know, and you're not being the party pooper - only the realist.

She knows what life is like with me, versus her dad. Her dad isn't just strict, he's lazy, unaffectionate, stand offish and makes tons of promises he never follows through on.

For example - he promised back in November that she could go to a concert she's been DYING for on the 29th of this month as long as she's done all of her chores and hasn't had to be reminded. She's followed through and even would be paying for the ticket herself, plus giving him gas money (it's a 2 hr one-way drive to the venue) to take her, or arrange a ride. She's known for months even though she put in the 100% effort and had done everything he said she would have to do to go to this show, he'd back out. He just told her last week she didn't make her bed on Friday so concert is a no go.

Who does that? Well, he does of course. Mind you, I also booked her spring break flight TWO days LATE just so she could attend the concert on the 29th, and had to pay $100 extra to fly her out on Easter. So I paid more and am missing 2 days of her break, just so he could tell her at the last minute she can't go to the concert she's been counting on for months?

That's just a small example of what he's done over the past couple of years and she's just getting fed up.

I'm definitely not a pushover or "party, fun" parent. She knows and respects that. She knows my rules and discipline and knows not to cross me. But I also give her the attention and affection she so desperately craves.

Good News!!

Thanks, nothing's been

Thanks, nothing's been decided yet, but I honestly think with a little more time and/or another big blowup or disappointment with her dad and she'll be packing.

Thanks so very much! I

Thanks so very much! I appreciate any support and good vibes I can get. I plan on taking her to tour a few schools while she's here and she'll get to see our good friends (our old neighbors that consider her their 2nd daughter).

DH just loves her and they have a great time together. He says he'd LOVE to have her here and give her a chance at being happy and having two parents who really CARE about her instead of an absentee dad and a pseudo step mom that hates and ignores her at home.

I see it being the best thing

I see it being the best thing for all involved if she does come live with you. I hope it happens. I'll cross my fingers for ya.

I honestly think you should get child support though, it can partially negate what you are taking out of the household for SD and it would only be for a few years anyway since yours is so old. You wouldn't be being mean or anything.

I'm happy for you guys!!

I would go for the child

I would go for the child support, but I know for a fact, the key to ex's heart is his wallet. He flipped shit when I went after child support during our initial divorce and said he'd never forgive me.

So, I know that I'd sweeten the deal and have a way better shot of him agreeing to let DD come live here if I waive that completely. Besides, she's an easy keeper. I know it'll cost at least $500 (what I pay him in CS now) a month to have her here, but shouldn't be much more. So, even if I do have to take a 2nd job working a few extra hours to make up for it, it's worth it to have her here and have our heads above water too. DH said he'd take up lawn or pool care this summer to help out with expenses and any extra CS BM is going to get.

I just know that if ex is ordered to pay me, he won't let her come. He's having a hard enough time financially as it is, but when his girlfriend's adult son moves out this summer, and if DD and the dog and cat are gone, they'll have their house to themselves and I KNOW he's been wanting that forever!