OH HOLY SHIT I AM FUCKING DONE WITH SD14!!!
So, if you read my last blog posted a little while ago, you know that DH has today off and had planned to take SD14 out and spend some "quality time" with her and visit the grandparents. This has been planned for a month.
DH apparently called SD this morning to ask when she'd be ready. She then says "Phillip (which is BM's boyfriend) wants to take me to a movie today and spend some quality time with me, so I'm just going to hang out with him today and maybe go see my friend Robert later tonight". No sorry, no nothing.
I FUCKING HATE THIS KID WITH MY ENTIRE SOUL. She does nothing but hurt DH and betray him over and over again. He's literally crying right now over this little twit and I'm stuck at work and am so livid.
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Ugh!!! Wtf, SD14!!
Ugh!!! Wtf, SD14!! Seriously?! What is up with our SDs being so far up the ass of the BMs' boyfriends and ignoring their DADS?!? Makes me want to shake the crap out of both of our SDs.
He's made so many gestures,
He's made so many gestures, even forcing BM to make SD come over for visitation so he could try and rebuild his bond with her and now this. I'm so fucking over her. I told him, "I know this is your child and you'll love her unconditionally, but I'm DONE. Any last shred of respect, hope, anything I had for her, is simply gone".
I feel horrible for him. And there's not a damn thing I can do.
>>>> And there's not a damn
>>>> And there's not a damn thing I can do.
I think that's the worst part of it. It definitely is for me. I wish so badly that I could make SO and SD have an awesome relationship just by waving a magic wand, but, I know that there realistically is nothing that I can do for them. GUBM's claws are in, SD is PAS'd and has come to view SO as a source for what she desires and not a father to have a relationship with. What makes it even harder for me is that, when I was 12, my dad died so I never got to have a dad around after that. Ever. And she just takes it for granted.
Disgusting little brats.
Yep, I'm done. Totally and
Yep, I'm done. Totally and completely done with this lying selfish bitch. Yes, she's a bitch. She's hurt him over and over and lied to get her way. I'm DONE!
As SAF says - Stick a fork in me - I'm done!
Crying??? WTF If it's his
Crying???
WTF
If it's his scheduled time,.he should go pick her up.
He always promised her he'd
He always promised her he'd never force her to be somewhere she doesn't want to be - from the day he and BM split. That is a promise he won't go back on. ETA: He only forced visitation to get back at BM for trying to take him to court for more CS and to see if he could actually get SD to come around and build a relationship with him.
Besides, who would WANT to be around someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you???
And he said "well, at least now I know where I stand with her". It's just sad that she continuously does this to him and hurts him the way she does. Oh and she said she wants to spend Christmas at home with BM and BM's boyfriend this year even though it's DH's year and he said FINE.
All I can hope for is that he finally sees that she doesn't give a rat's ass about him because he's not showering her with expensive gifts and taking her places like BM's boyfriend, and just completely disengages from her altogether. I hate that she hurts him like this.
I get that, but she herself
I get that, but she herself said she wanted to put forth the effort and rebuild a relationship with her dad. Has she done so? Nope! He's always texting her and calling her and going to visit her. He's done now I hope.
>>>>> He needs to tell her
>>>>> He needs to tell her that he is not going to continue reaching out and making plans when it's convenient for her and only her and he needs to follow through with actions.
YES! This! This is what I've been telling my SO forever. And I tell him that he has to be consistent with it. He tries with SD12, she ignores him until it's convenient for her (read: she needs/wants something from him). I told him that he needs to help her understand that just because she deems it convenient for her doesn't mean he needs to drop everything he has going on to talk to her with the exclusion of a legitimate emergency. He took some baby steps towards this earlier in the fall.
He was out with me one night and she started texting him after a month of radio silence. He told her that he was busy and that he would have to get back to her later. She kept sending him texts, carrying on the conversation anyway, so she was ignoring what he said (He hadn't told her he was on a date with me, so, she was just being rude in general), but, he wouldn't reply to them. He said that not only was it not fair to him that she decides when it's convenient to talk to him but that it wasn't fair to me or our relationship for him to ignore me on a date night in order to jump to SD's beckoning.
Of course, he backslid later that evening when he finally got back to her, texting her that he's sorry that he was busy when she wanted to talk to him (Uhm, why apologize? You have a life that doesn't revolve around SD, SO). Then, he freaked out because she simply responded that SHE was busy and couldn't talk. So, naturally, the next time she texted while he was busy, he relented and dropped everything he was doing to talk to her. Big old backslide :/
Welll, I don't want to piss
Welll, I don't want to piss you off (more) but I can say she sounds like a normal, selfish teen. Especially like one who hasn't been raised to think about others.
In addition to that, didn't your DH tell her she couldn't come over and had basically nothing to do with her for several months? If so, this starts to make a little more sense... why should she drop her plans to make daddy happy when daddy had nothing to do with her? They are supposed to be trying to "rebuild" a relationship, and maybe she just isn't that interested.
I thought she was seeing her dad now because her parents didn't want to go to court and duke out the support with a time change. Unfortunately, none of that takes her feelings into account.
Anyway, if it's his court ordered time (which I don't remember) then he can just go and get her. However, I'm not sure either of them would enjoy it.
She is a selfish teenager but
She is a selfish teenager but SHE herself said she wanted to rebuild her relationship with her dad and SHE was going to make the effort. She simply hasn't.
And no, she LIED to BM saying DH called her a whore and a slut and that she was never allowd over again. THAT is why she didn't come over all summer. DH didn't force her. He texted her and called her every week over summer and told her he was leaving further contact up to her. He even went over to her place on her birthday to wish her happy birthday and give her a card and she IGNORED him basically.
He forced BM to resume visitation and they were starting to "rebuild" and "bond" again, and she even admitted to lying to her mom about him saying she was a slut and a whore and was never allowed over again just so she could stay at mom's where there are no rules.
It is his court ordered time and yes, he could force her, but who wants to spend time with someone under forced circumstances?
If this were me, the next
If this were me, the next time SHE actually does want to spend "quality time" with her father I would say "RedWingsFan wants to spend quality time with me and take me out to eat etc. so I am going to spend the day with her today".
Nothing beats a good old dose of your own medicine...
Fucking ingrate brat!!!
He did say he's gonna "be
He did say he's gonna "be busy" this Christmas eve (even though I'll be in Detroit) and he's not giving her shit this year.
Good for him, I hope he
Good for him, I hope he sticks to it!
My BF one year right after his divorce hadnt seen his son in a few months and his son made no effort to come over around Christmas time or awhile after that so my BF, the great no-nonsense man that he is took all of skid's gifts back to the store and when skid asked where his gifts were BF told him point blank I didnt and havent seen you in so long so I said oh well tough shit I am bringing them back and skid got nothing that Christmas!!!
These kids think they can play games with their NCP and railroad them and use and abuse them at their disposal "just because", well I for one will NEVER allow BF to get fucked over by his rotten kid or his c*** XW!!! If BF ever loses his backbone with skid & bm you can bet your ass I will be right there with enough backbone for the both of us putting a squash on any and ALL skid/bm bullshit & drama!!!
My BF is going thru the same
My BF is going thru the same thing essentially with S11. BM and my BF only communicate via text and I can't tell you how many times BM has texted saying that skid wants to go with his sister to get her bunny groomed, or he wants to go to work with BM, or he wants to hang out with his friends on the weekend BF is supposed to have him. I can't even remember the last time BF had him for a full EOWE visit! Not that I am complaining or anything but it always seems to be something with skid/bm as to why he doesnt come for his EOWE or Wedn 2 hour visits. Granted BF has had to cancel visits for reasons of his own but skid/bm do as well.
BF's mother told him awhile ago that when BF was a kid he did the same thing when he was that age. He would never be home and always wanted to be with his friends etc. so once BF understood that it was clear to him not to take it so personal and to just let him do what he wanted to do. So now BF doesnt really care if skid cancels on him. If his kid wants to see him and spend time with him he will or he wont. Oh well. It is what it is.
I am so glad that my BF doesnt get all bent out of shape and get into it with BM or go to court over his kid not coming around for every scheduled visit. Because I can tell you right now as a BM myself I would NEVER force or make my son go see his father if he didnt want to. I know that he would not like it and that he would resent ME if I made him see or be with someone he didnt want to be with.
I think that if a child of a decent age like my son's age of 9 or older can make that choice if they want to see their NCP or not. It will be alot less headaches and drama if you just allow them to have a voice and not force them.
I think what your SD14 did was shitty especially if this was planned and agreed to however it is to be expected considering she is a rotten, selfish little bitch in the first place.
I am sorry for you and your DH tho
Thanks everyone. I'm just so
Thanks everyone. I'm just so livid that she continues to treat him like shit. At least now, I think he knows where he stands with her and hope to God he sticks up for himself.
UGH it's been a bad day already and now this. I'm just over her and her fucking selfish bullshit.
Makes me ill. I'm so over
Makes me ill. I'm so over this fucking kid. I told DH that I feel for him, can't imagine how hurt he must be and that *I* will always be there for him. Other than that, there's really not much I can do for him, you know?
Thanks - I just get so
Thanks - I just get so frustrated with seeing her hurt him over and over again. I truly think that he's at his breaking point. He was so upset this morning. All because she'd rather get doted on by BM's boyfriend and he'll BUY her stuff - selfish brat.
I'm not planning on bringing it up at all when I get home. We're supposed to go to his dad's for dinner and cards with dad and the new girlfriend at 6:30. I'll be home by 5:15 and don't plan on saying ONE word about her to him. That's gonna be hard!
Well, it is good he is
Well, it is good he is standing his ground. Something similar happened to me and my ex fiancee. His daughter 12 promised to come on Christmas day and we woke up at 8 a.m and waited and waited.Then he realized she will not come for lunch so he finally allowed me to sit on the table with him and eat lunch without her . She texted at around 12:30 happy Christmas. He texted back that I am with him and when she wants to be picked up and then we did not hear from her for 4 hours. He texted, called, left a voice messages - she did not pick up the phone. At around 5p.m he texted her that we are going back home. On the exit she texted that she will be in his mom`s house in an hour or so. I asked him if he wanted us to go back and he said - no.At the end I was to blame and the scapegoat because I did not sit around all day waiting for her to pick all of her presents from her other family members . She arrived at his mom`s house around 7 p.m We were already at home and his mom called him and made him look bad that he did not wait around for her. He looked at me and told me that if it was not for me he would have waited for her till 9 or 10 p.m . I knew it was time for me to leave. I told him I will leave and let him focus on his child.This solidified my decision that I was right to distance myself prior to this incident. He showed me he has no backbone and that his daughter can control and manipulate his life, emotions, time and resources. I was not going to say I do to a man that was ready to throw me under the bus because he cannot stand up to a 12 year old and show her how to be respectful. I come here to remind myself why I left and the more time passes by the happier I am that I left.
I'm sorry! If he hadn't put
I'm sorry! If he hadn't put his foot down a long time ago, I'd likely not have married him. A lot has taken place between the day we met and now and he's come a long way, but yeah, this girl continues to manipulate him and break his heart and I'm just DONE with her!
It seems like this is common
It seems like this is common with BM's boyfriends. They get to be the heroes to these daughters because they are making their moms happy. DH is the guy that loves someone else more than his daughter's mom. My SD says stuff about how great her mom's BF is all the time. I think it hurts DH's feelings (and I know that I never get such accolades at BM's house) a little bit, but we generally just ignore it. All you can really do is be there for him when he's down about it and encourage him to talk to her about how it makes him feel when she bails on plans. It may not make a lick of difference right now though. Teenagers are assholes!
Yeah, it sucks ass. I hate
Yeah, it sucks ass. I hate seeing her hurt him over and over again and I have to sit by and watch it all.
The only thing I can hope for is that he finally does see her for what she is and totally disengages and then she won't be able to hurt him anymore.