Question about body piercings/tattoos prior to age 18
Hey all,
So DH sent me the final revised parenting plan/CS order to be filed with the court just to read it and be sure BM's attorney didn't slip something in at the last minute. I read it and noticed an additional section. It states: Neither parent shall provide written or oral consent to having tattoos or body piercings performed on their child until child reaches the age of 18.
I asked DH about it and he said the attorney brought this up in their meeting and asked DH what his thoughts about tattoos and body piercings were. DH flat out said NONE until she's 18, BM agreed, so they put it in their order.
I know that DH regrets his own tattoo (which he did at the age of 24, so it's not like he was a minor), and he expressed surprise when my DD15 explained she wants to get a tattoo next year when she turns 16 and asked me if I'd take her. He said, "I'd get permission from her dad since he has primary custody of her". It's NOT written in our custody order; however.
Which brings me to this thought: I knew the tattoo design I wanted from age 14. I got that tattoo done when I was 21 (would've gotten it sooner had I not been such a chicken about needles). I am 40 and still LOVE my tattoo and never have regretted the decision once.
My DD15 is a very mature girl and has shown me some tasteful, beautiful designs that she would consider having inked on her in an inconspicuous place which could be covered easily. I told her I would talk with her dad when she turns 16 about allowing her to get a tattoo done here (where it's legal as long as a parent is present) as my sweet 16 gift to her. He'll likely object and then I'll catch Hell from him if I allow her to do it anyway, but since it's not written in our court order - what can he really do to me over it?
What is everyone's thoughts about tattoos prior to age 18?
- RedWingsFan's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Foxie, she's constantly
Foxie, she's constantly grounded and her dad bitches at her daily ANYWAYS. Remember? She was so miserable there she was thinking of coming to live with me and her dad miraculously "changed" and started being more of a dad so she decided to stick it out a bit longer.
This would be nothing more than she defied him and he'd ground her again, but shit she's only been back home for 2 weeks and she's already grounded anyway. She spent most of the last 2 yrs living with him grounded.
I think as long as both
I think as long as both parents are in agreement, it's fine.
I actually just sent my exH a text literally a minute ago stating that DD12 has asked me several times to get the cartilage in her ear pierced and what his thoughts are. I suggested that it might be a nice reward or incentive for end of year grades. But I wouldn't do anything like that without his agreement first.
I'm also not 100% FOR it either, so I would like to hear his opinion as well.
Since he has tattoos that he
Since he has tattoos that he loves, I'd figure he would understand, but yeah he's a control freak and if HE doesn't get to be the one to make the decision, I can see him getting bent about it.
i'm not for tattoos before
i'm not for tattoos before the age of 18. but that's me.
Well the maturity level of a
Well the maturity level of a 13 yr old is definitely not that of a 16 yr old. I would bet she will be regretting that.
The designs my daughter has chosen to consider are beautiful and not "trendy". If she wanted something that I KNEW she'd later regret, I'd be against it myself. Plus one design is one she's been consistent about for over a year now. So if she's still so attached to it in yet another year, I doubt she'd end up being sorry for that later on.
I guess also if everyone here
I guess also if everyone here knew my girl the way I do, they'd know that she's a very intelligent, mature and respectful person. She's far more mature than her years and when new people meet and have discussions with her, believe she's at least 18.
So, at 16, if she still has the same design after 2 yrs, with her maturity level, I'd definitely consider allowing her the tattoo.
Yes, I should get dear daddy's permission on this but I know also that if this were HIS idea, he sure as hell wouldn't be asking me what I thought about it!
I'm pretty wary about body
I'm pretty wary about body art on those under 18 simply because of all the changes their bodies are still going through. Unexpected growth spurts, weight gains or losses or other shifts can cause the beautiful original image to distort into something completely weird looking.
I get that this can be an issue for those older than 18, I just know a lot of people, men and women that have either gained or lost a bunch of weight or muscle mass and their tat looks completely deformed. So I think of the college "freshman 15", or of a 16 y/o's final growth spurt, or a guy deciding at 16 that he wants to bulk up at the gym and I kind of cringe.
I don't know where she's planning on getting it and there are spots that are more likely to avoid these issues. I always find it a bit silly to get art on the stomach, particularly for a girl that wants kids some day... yea that whole dolphin around your belly button girlie... that's not so much gonna look the same after a baby.
Yeah I get that. She's still
Yeah I get that. She's still growing at 5'8" and her weight fluctuates monthly, but only by a few pounds. I do believe she wanted this design on her ankle. One of the reasons I got my tat on my ankle was because my weight was crazy hard to get under control and I felt the same as you - that pretty tat on your belly, boobs or butt isn't going to be so pretty after you've had a child!!!!
To answer your question, yes
To answer your question, yes I'd be upset, but in the grand scheme of things, this is DD's body and her decision to have something on her body for life.
If age is just a number, as most people say, what difference would 2 yrs make if she's already dead-set (for more than 2 yrs) on a specific design as well as an inconspicuous location?
My ex disappoints and pisses me off with regards to how he is with my daughter all the time. I have no control over what he does anyway. Just as he has no control over what I do when she's on my time.
Most likely, I'll give him the opportunity to say no, which is likely since it isn't HIS idea anyway. And DD will then have to look at him like the bad guy (which for some reason seems to not be the case since he's miraculously "changed" all of a sudden).
ETA: I do know she also wants a lip and nose piercing which I am highly against but if her dad would allow that, then that's her choice and besides, in a few years she's gonna do it anyway. So, I have no control over it now or then.
RedWings, your ex sounds just
RedWings, your ex sounds just like my ex. If my BD (a young adult now) wants to do something and I agree with it, ex will automatically not agree. And he accuses us of ganging up against him routinely even though I never have any reason to communicate with him. This was true when she was 6, 16, and now 26. Not that she even needs our approval at 26, but now and then she will ask my opinion. It's nice! I doubt she ever asks for his though for obvious reasons. He FLIPS if it's not HIS idea and under his control. Not my problem, but poor BD. I remind her that her dad loves her just as much as I do, but he doesn't have the capacity to express it. It's sad.
I say, do what you think is right. You have no court order against. But your D should be prepared for the reaction from her dad. And is it worth it to her even if he is mad? I guess he'd still be mad no matter what age she has the tat done.
What if you don't even ask his approval? Say that you and she talked, she's been wanting this for a long time, has a design you approve of, and you'd like to do this for her for her sweet 16. Just wanted him to know. Will he still freak? Sometimes my ex won't confront once the decision has already been made and it's presented in a no-brainer kind of way. But the anger and control usually comes out over something else ridiculous later. Toss up I guess.
Yes, he's exactly that way
Yes, he's exactly that way Merry. If it's not up to him or he didn't come up with the idea, he's against it. It's all about power and control with him.
She's not going to care if he's mad at her or not, because if it's not THIS that he's mad about, he'll find something else to be mad at her about you know?
He'd still freak if I let her get it done without consulting him first, because he wants to have the POWER to say no.
I did at 15. Don't regret the
I did at 15. Don't regret the tattoo but regret the design. I think it's fine- just as long as you know exactly what u want. I had multiple piercings too- doesnt do any harm. P.s - I only had the one tattoo and probably won't have another, but I look with fondness at the one I have- it was special at the time and that was the age I really wanted it.
I get that. It only simmered
I get that. It only simmered that long because I was too chicken to get it done sooner. I wanted it after my graduation party, went to the shop and chickened out at the last minute. I was 17 and had my parent's permission.
And yes, if you do it at 16 - you most definitely have other things to look forward to later on in life.
I've been wanting more tats for a long time now but haven't had the money!
I'm sorry about your daughter and what she's putting you through. I know my DH felt that same disappointment when his daughter was doing what she was last year (and continues to do now).
And some things are worth waiting for, I agree. I know probably a dozen 16/17 yr olds with tattoos now. It just seems more socially acceptable to get them done at a younger age.
Mine means the same to me now at 40 as it did when I got it done. I didn't wait for any other reason than fear.
bd wanted her lip pierced
bd wanted her lip pierced very badly at 14. i waited a few months, and she still wanted it done. my bff wanted to pay for her to get it done as a reward for her making honor roll. so i gave in. it's just a lip ring, it can come out. she wanted a 2nd lip piercing, which would give her "snakebites". i was opposed for quite a while. at 16, i let her do it, once again as a reward for her grades. i told her after the 2nd piercing that that was it. no more anything until she was old enough to do it herself. i would have NEVER allowed her to get a tattoo, because she would have likely chosen something that in 2 years she would regret. i won't have that on my conscience. no more piercings, either.
i think a little something is ok if they are proving to be responsible and have earned it. to me, tattoos are out because of the risk that they will choose something meaningless and hate it later. i think all kids need a little leeway in expressing themselves. i let her get her piercings and i have always let her do what she wants with her hair with the only rule being she can only dye it once a year because i don't want her frying. she has chose some styles that i HATED. but it's just hair. i wanted her to have some freedom so that when she turned 18 (which she did 2 months ago) she wouldn't go crazy doing a bunch of stupid stuff that had always been forbidden. she hasnt' done anything, and hasn't talked about doing anything.
Stepdown, No, I'm not filing
Stepdown, No, I'm not filing for custody. She has decided that since her dad has miraculously "changed", she's going to stick it out with him for a while longer. And no, the only people who objected to me taking DD15 to Hooters was a few posters on this board. Her father was the one who started taking us there when DD was young.
He does have decision making power over her religious, school and medical, but it doesn't state anything about body modifications.
And yes, I'm in agreement that just because a kid wants something, doesn't mean they get it. However; this would be MY sweet 16 birthday present to her.