BM's new boyfriend's ex
So we all come from a pretty small town. Everyone at least knows names and faces of most people in town. I went to high school with BM's new boyfriend and his ex. BM went to our same school but is a couple years younger. BM's new boyfriend's ex and I used to hang out in the same crowd. We don't really know each very well and have never really hung out at all outside of school. FDH knows her through some connection between his dad and her dad;they worked together or something of that nature. We are all FB friends, except between BM and I, and BM and her boyfriend's ex.
FDH told me a couple weeks ago that this chic(BM's boyfriend's ex, sure in case this is getting confusing lol)FB messaged him and asked if he knew that their exes were dating. He went on to explain how he knew her and I told him about how I knew her. That was the end of the conversation and he didn't indulge any further and I didn't think anything of it.
FDH is a bartender and a good one. He doesn't drink whatsoever b/c of intestinal issues plus it hits him hilariously hard. Everyday before he goes to work he posts a kind of advertisment on FB. "Come on down! It's a nice night for drinking! $2.00 vodka and cranberry on special!" Something along those lines.
I'm the low man on the totem pole at work so my boss is making me fill in for the 3rd shifter while he's on vacation. I always cruise FB and drink coffee when I first wake up. Today I noticed this chic posted "I'm going to try to come" in answer to FDH's advertisment. Now I didn't think much about what he told me of their previous conversation, but this is starting to make me think. I didn't know how to take it at first, but the more I think about, the more its starting to bother me.
The thought that they could be having FB conversations either to keep each other in the loop with the opposing ex or just bashing their exes together to me seems inappropriate. If that indeed is going on, its going make them look they are still butt hurt over their ended relationships. I would never contact one of my ex's new girlfriend's exes to get the low down. I truly don't give a shit about him and what goes on in his life. I think if a person has truly moved on, there is no motive or reason to do this.
I seriously hope I am being paranoid. I could see something like this bringing two people close together. I am going to talk to FDH face to face about all this as soon as I can b/c the more I stew the worse I feel about it. I hope he is understanding. He explained to me early on in our relationship that he thought jealousy is a wasted emotion. He doesn't get jealous and can't be with someone that is. What do you guys think? Inappropriate or am I jumping the gun? Or maybe this is a situation in which boundaries need to be discussed?
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But it was a comment on a
But it was a comment on a post right. Not a personal message or chat.
Tonight the comment was on a
Tonight the comment was on a post. the other convo was private messaging.
Ohhh. I wonder if they are
Ohhh. I wonder if they are still PMing each other? You could ask. Or you could keep your friends close and enemies closer and start buddy buddy with her.
Ya but I was never close with
Ya but I was never close with her to begin with. Maybe it would look funny if I started buddying up to her. I just really need to air this out with FDH and trust that he's being truthful. I haven't had any reason to believe he hasn't been in the past. My experience with other men has really made me mistrustful.
Also, other women for that
Also, other women for that matter. Once the man in your life cheats with you on someone you used to call best friend, it ruins it for not only myself, but others who may come into my life down the line. Its awful when someone has deal with BS b/c of how someone else treated me long ago. I hate that I do that, but then there's shit like this.
So sorry Rose...been there,
So sorry Rose...been there, done that. My exH carried on a year and a half affair with someone I perceived to be my BFF. I was pregnant during that time even. I would WATCH her kids so she could go out for some thing or another if her hubby was busy...little did I know it was to meet MY husband. Our families took trips together even. I sat in the hospital with our newborn son (the last baby and only boy) while he shipped my DDs off with my mother and had that cunt in my bed....while I was lying in the hospital after a c section with OUR son who was on oxygen because he' swallowed amniotic fluid and it caused complications!
To OP, if he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, I would just plain out tell him how you feel and ask...if something doesn't sit right in your gut...then follow it...otherwise, I'd explain how it makes you feel and hopefully he understands. Only someone who is guilty needs to be defensive and hide things. Nothing to hide...no reason to hide... Just my opinion from my own experience
That's all very true as well.
That's all very true as well. Thank you for your insight and sharing.
Nah, go see her. Make it a
Nah, go see her. Make it a girl's night, no reason to let on you are worrying about anything. Then you will see if there is or isn't anything going on. Besides if either of them ask you not to go or whatever then you KNOW something is up and have an obvious right to question the situation.
Do it after you are on 2nd shift again, obviously.
I would love to do that, but
I would love to do that, but I'm at work and don't get off for another six miserable hours.
I've made it clear to him from day one that I would never forgive cheating. That would be the end. He said he feels the same way about it. He wants to marry me and he's only doing it once; divorce would not be an option. I feel the same way. I love this man with all my heart. I would be so heartbroken to find out its all a lie.
There is a phrase I am
There is a phrase I am looking for...Not "pyuric victory" or "self sabotage" but something like that....where you think so hard about something bad happening...that it actually force the situation to happen that way???
Anyway....dont do that. Dont think about it so HARD that it forces the situation.
THANK YOU!! My brain really
THANK YOU!! My brain really hurt itself on that one.
I was seriously asking my cat
I was seriously asking my cat what phrase I was looking for. and Ofcourse her answer was "MErow?" aka "Mom, are you in the early stages of dementia?"
If or when she goes before
If or when she goes before you have a chance to, just be all like "hey DH, noticed so and so on FB, I haven't seen her in years! How is she doing?"
Thank you very much guys. I
Thank you very much guys. I read what you had to say then FDH called just to say hi. Reading all the points above and then hearing how happy FDH was when he called kind of snapped me out of it. I really let myself get ramped up sometimes. I know I do it, but I feel powerless to stop it sometimes. Insecurities can really kick a person's ass. I still don't like it but I feel like I can think about it a more rationally and not turn into something it isn't. Venting and your feedback more than likely helped prevent an argument.