Do we have lives?
I'm not putting anyone down here and I'm including myself here when I ask this question, do we have lives OUTSIDE of what is going on with our SKid issues? I look forward to reading what everyone's going thru here at the website. I can't stay away to be honest. It helps to know that we are all going thru this TOGETHER. But this morning after reading some of the entries, I thought to myself, boy, all we ever do is complain about our situations. Or sometimes I'll read a blog & the person will state that she is getting ready to marry her BF but..... I really want to tell these poor women, Don't do it! Run for your life! Run for your freedom! Duck! Cover! Roll! Get out now before it's too late!
I'm just so overwhelmed by everything these days that I recently went out and GOT A LIFE! It goes something like this now, Monday nite (counseling w/DH)we are still separated. Tuesday nite soccer practice &(Al-Anon meeting), Wednesday nite= counseling w/the kids & counseling one-on-one, rehearsal immediately following.Thursday nite = soccer practice again, Friday nite, tonite, I'm going to a baskeball game w/my kids!!! Tomorrow, Saturday, I'm meeting w/the ladies for Bible Study & prayer, which will be awesome. Afterwards, I'm going to my grandmother's 98th birthday/family reunion & I'm looking so forward to it!I'm going to stay as long as I want w/out having to deal w/DH wanting to leave too soon. Me & the girls will see all of our relatives we haven't seen in ages. there will be good food & people we love.
And Sunday...of course, will be church. After that, I think i'll come home & rest. then Monday, it will start all over again.
DH wants to come back home now & is BEGGING, but he still has not dealt w/any of the issues that the counselors told him he needs to. I told him that we still have issues that need to be resolved, before we can live together again. He skipped out on his responsibilities to me, I'm going thru a high-risk pregnancy, he and his daughter have been very inconsiderate of that fact and I want to enjoy the final weeks of my pregnancy in PEACE, minus he & SD's insanity. I also told him he needs to go to a meeting. He's got 5 years sobriety but hasn't been to a meeting in months & that is not good! He needs to be back in program where they will call him on all his $hit & hopefully he'll pull his head out of his a$$ & realize he's being a co-dependant enabler w/SD.
I really love my husband, I do, but I am enjoying not having him & his nutty daughter at the house. I am so torn between having them back in my house & keeping my SANITY!
In the meantime though, as i said before, I'm using this time for ME, to heal ME, & heal my children. The past weeks have been so peaceful & quiet! Everyone in my house has been in bed by 9:30pm. I mean lights out, televisions off, doors locked & sound asleep by 9:30. Everyone is on a schedule again.
Younger daughter went back to school already. Older daughter starts college in another week. Since we've been going thru all of this, she has decided she wants to become a Counselor & decided to major in Psychology. Some good has come out of all of this! Thank you God!
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as of two weeks ago..I too..
have gotten a life!...hahaha. Two weeks ago DH and BM went to court..he was seeking primary custody to help her out in her current situation (that she put herself in..but beside the point). She fought and fought and the courts allowed her to keep the 50/50 they already had. DH was successful in getting rid of midweek dinner nights so there is absolutely NO more contact needed between the two households...yay for me. The contact between the two of them wasn't a big deal for me it was when she wanted to act a fool and cause a scene in front of my house and when she felt the need to attack our cars with MY SON in the car....she can act a fool in front of her own kids im sure they are used to that sort of thing but my son has never been around crazy people in his 12 years of life.
Anywho...since court DH has given her exactly what she wanted....50/50 custody. We no longer provide after school daycare for her, no longer communicate outside of email and even that is strictly about skids and he doesn't bother answering the "why are you acting this way" "why wont you talk to me"...blah blah blah.
Since then we have been on vacation! Yay me! We have been focused on our house and our daughter and now my son has noticed a difference. I always had a life outside of all the crap but it's sooo much better without it!
yup
I just kinda stay logged in all day and minimize...check in periodically in between trying to get patients to pay their bill
It's a nice break. My "life" pretty much consists of normal daily activities that everyone does. Then I have my 'me' time by reading by the pool or going for a drive in the winter time i work on the house,paint,etc...If I had to make my life all about Dh's crap or snowshytes crap I'd lose it. At first it was hard to just say,"sure DH, take snowshyte to ALL her activities on OUR weekends w/her I'm cool with that." I realized it bothered me that he was allowing her to take so much time away from our family because I hadn't figured out how to make my own life. NOW it's getting SOOOOO much easier to just say,"ok DH you go sit in a hot dance studio and watch snowshyte trip over herself bc she doesn't practice..." I'm going out to do whatever...
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
I think we lose sight of things because we are so focused on
fixing the less than perfect situation at hand. I believe that once we realize that we have done all we can, we start to back off and let the other people involved (DH,Steps, in-laws, etc) do what they have to do, or do nothing at all.
I used to constantly focus on every little thing and over analyze All.The.Time. I mostly come here to vent and get opinions, but now I realize that I need to regain my focus and interests again.
Tomorrow I am having a night out with the girls and I can't wait!
This
This absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had high blood pressure a few years ago b/c of all this crap, but now I really don't care. I also noticed I was stressing out my Mom by bitching to her all the time. She is 77 now and doesn't need it, so I come here to read and vent a little. I DO NOT visits the boards when I'm not working so that is a big plus too.
BM has calmed down a lot in the past year for whatever reason. I guess she finally realized BF wasn't gonna come running to save her from her various life threatening disease of the month. I notice too that if I stay in a diff area of the house when brats are there, there is less chaos. I guess they don't like me...sux for them cause my kids and grandkids think I am pretty cool and they are the ones missing out on all the fun stuff we could do EOW but don't b/c they treated me like shit one too many times.
Unlike most of the stepparents here,
I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.
I have plenty of time for my own life. I do stay busy with bs, but as he has hit teenage years, his focus is on his school, friends and sports. My bd, just got married, so she is out the door making her own life. Dh and I only get ss8 for 6 weeks of summer, every other Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring break, ect. so I do not have to deal with the ongoing daily or weekly issues others have. I will admit, I spent a great deal of time putting together every piece of documentation, corrospondences with our attorney ect, for the past year and half, but now that court is over, so it that stress...for now. Our first year and half together, dh had the same visitation schedule as most here, we played the same games with bm, and I focused way to much on how to make it all work. When I gave up caring about making it work, and focused on me and mine agian, I felt free to live agian. I know its hard and many stepparents are going through so much, but we have to take time for ourselves, take care of ourselves, nobody else is going to do it for us.
Me to a "T"
I could have written this:
"Our first year and half together, dh had the same visitation schedule as most here, we played the same games with bm, and I focused way to much on how to make it all work. When I gave up caring about making it work, and focused on me and mine agian, I felt free to live agian."
That's me. I am planning a trip to visit my BD in Ohio for the day after Christmas. My other BD is local and I am doing girls lunches with her. I went to Denver to visit a good friend. I stopped wasting my $$ and time on ungrateful skids and boy did they notice. What? I'm not buying them nice Christmas gifts anymore or putting up with their nonsenese? What happend??? The point is, I just don't care anymore.
Coming here has been so helpful to silence my guilt at "failing." Maybe I should have been more cooperative of BM. LOL! I see where that has gotten you guys. Maybe I should have waited to get to know the skids better? Hah, everyone here says the skids and BM get worse after marriage. What I learned was, it's not my fault. I thank and bless all of you ladies for showing me that. I don't have to worry anymore because I saw every scenereo played out and it ended up at the same place. DH needs to stand up to BM or life is a mess for all.
I get better every day. Less angry. Less hurt. More focused on my own life and what's working. More healed. Thanks to Steptalk and all the great women on this site.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
With all three of our girls
With all three of our girls being pretty young we have no life. LOL. We have two five year olds and a seven month old. Between that and work we have nothing left but movies night on the couch after they have gone to bed. Our existence is more or less family oriented....whether we like it or not. HAHAHAHA.
Some adult time would be real nice. Maybe dinner and a movie together? Maybe???? Someday??????? Please God if it isn't too much to ask........
Having a baby does not make you a mother.