Why are you going to text the female. Why aren't you hanging your H's balls out to dry??

You seem to be blaming her but she wouldn't text him unless she was being encouraged. Have him tell her only text me regarding work things, anything else is inappropriate.

Otherwise, you're coming off as a jealous shrew.

Yup...all of the above.

Ok you will all think I'm nuts for this but..

When I found out my ex had been fooling around with a woman, I tried to talk to him about it, but felt like I wasn't getting the full facts from my "omigosh I've been caught out, oh crap, lie my ass off" ex.

I found her on Facebook and wrote her a (very nice, non confrontational) personal message.. 

I apologised for getting in touch with her as I knew it was weird, but that I was going a bit crazy, as I didn't think my boyfriend was being honest with me (he ALWAYS lied to me, I have no idea why I stayed so long) as to exactly what happened, and for my own personal sanity I asked her to let me know what had happened between them.

She responded, (also in a non confrontational way) and explained they'd been seeing eachother for about 6months, and that she had no idea he had a girlfriend. She apologised too, and there was a mutual respect and sadness between two women that had been wronged.

I replied and thanked her for her honesty, then dumped the moron.

In my personal case, messaging "the other woman" helped me gain closure, and confirmed he wasn't the man for me as he'd totally lied to me AGAIN.. he used to lie about silly small stuff, but this was big. I was pretty much done with him, but I just needed to know the facts so I wouldn't go completely nuts *guessing* at stuff for the rest of my life!!!

In *your* case, it sounds like you want to stay with your partner. If this is the case, I'd personally hold off messaging this woman as it sounds like you want to approach her in a very confrontational way (understandable but not a great approach).

That would only make you seem like the crazy wife, and make her think "no wonder he's flirting with me, he's married to a total nut" ..also, if she's immature enough to flirt with a married man, she might be immature enough to show your letter to others and mock you for it. Don't embarrass yourself in that way. I'd hate for you to go through that.

If you truly want to stay with him and work things out, talk to your partner. Not her. Take the high road and stay classy. (hugs)

She wouldn't behave this way if she wasn't getting the green light from your husband. He may not even be giving her a green light but he certainly isn't giving her a message of "back the fuck off me." like he should. He needs to handle this,not you.

Take a look at all the marriage forums and see how many affairs start out this way with coworkers.

I try to imagine what I would do in your situation but I know I would DEFINITELY not text her. You need to be communicating with your husband about why this bother's you and what he needs to do to make it stop so that you feel secure about your marriage. Ask yourself why you're insecure about what's going on. Is there something going in inside your marriage to make you think this is possible? I would start there. Ignore her. She's the symptom of a bigger issue most likely.

I told my husband up front in our relationship that behavior like you describe with ANY other woman is unacceptable and would not be tolerated. I also promised him the same respect. He knew that from the get go. And he will not deviate from that because he knows what he's dealing with. And neither will I because I love him.

You should set boundaries here for this woman and the future.

^ What they all said.

He can't control her behavior any more than you can, but he can control his own. If he sets down boundaries and doesn't flirt back, she will quit. I find it funny when women try to flirt with my husband because 1) he is so oblivious to it it's funny, I usually will point it out later and embarrass him, and 2) I trust him and know he will not reciprocate, so they move on.

TOTALLY agree with everyone here. Your husband should be nipping this behavior in the bud. He should care more about YOUR feelings then embarrassing or hurting this other woman's feelings.

I had a similar situation happen with my SO. We'd been together about 2 years and were going through a bit of a rough patch. I had moved out and gotten my own place and told him to get his $hit together, but we were still together. I'd seen texts on his phone (from sitting next to him) from this NY number and he said it was this woman in NY who he used to date. Her BF was going into surgery and she texted my SO for support....yea OK I smell BS. He showed me the texts, and it turns out he was having surgery in the same hospital where SO's oldest daughter was born, so he was reassuring her about the hospital being good and the surgeons being good surgeons. She attempted to go down memory lane with him about how different he was from her BF, but he kept the convo professional and didn't take the bait.

Well, a few weeks later we had gotten progressively worse and he came over VERY drunk and we got in a huge fight. He ended up passing out asleep. I needed some info for an upcoming flight so I went on his phone, and saw all these texts from her. They were very sexual (on her end). She was again attempting to go down memory lane, saying her current BF doesn't satisfy her and my SO knows how "sexual" she is. She also was saying how her BF and my SO are the same age yet my SO is in great shape, and better looking and more successful, etc etc. He really didn't say too much other than to agree with her. She would send long paragraphs and he would reply with one or two word replies. When she got too overtly sexual he ignored her, and when she texted "Hello, you there? Have I got you thinking.... " he responded "No, I'm at work".

Even though he handled it fairly professionally, I was VERY angry and upset, and also felt betrayed. I told him so the next day and we had a long talk about it. He agreed and admitted it was wrong, and he didn't want to "hurt her feelings" and was trying to be there for her since she was going through a tough time. I had enough. I said "I am the one who matters here. WE are going through a tough time and you need to be focusing on me and our relationship. You haven't dated this woman in at least 5 years, she has other people she can go to, and you need to make this perfectly clear to her. Enough is enough".

The next time she texted, he showed me what he responded with "I have a girlfriend, please don't text me again." She has texted a few times since....Merry Christmas, happy new year, happy valentine's day, etc. Also "hello? Are you ignoring me?" etc etc. He has shown me all of them and has ignored every text. It has now been over a year with no contact from her.

You need to nip this in the bud WITH YOUR HUSBAND. It may start our innocent, but it is very easy to go another way. HE needs to respect and love YOU enough to stop this "work wife" relationship before it becomes something else. YOUR feelings matter more than HERS, and he needs to really get that.

What good would it do to contact her? If your DH has inappropriate boundaries, he will find someone else. Your talk needs to be with HIM.

Sorry, go with the spidery sense. If this had not happened to me with dire consequences I'd agree with the majority here who are being very sensible BUT I went through the same and discovered the girl was throwing herself at my man and he decided to leave me...if I had gone to HER man as I wish I had and exposed her or confronted her sooner she might not have been able to twist my husband the way she did but I didn't, and she teased him with the " I might leave my man, I might not routine" until he lost his mind. Literally.
I threw him out, he was not prepared for the idea I might never want to see him ever again, he was (we discovered afterwards) an Aspie and he could not handle the shit that goes down when a 20year old marriage implodes.
He killed himself just months after leaving and less than two weeks after coming back to our place and having a nervous breakdown. I did everything I could to save him but it was too late. He could not forgive himself for the mess and hurt caused and she played him all the way.
Yes, this is an extreme story but listen to your spidey sense - always. If your man is true and lives you, he will appreciate you are prepared to water AND weed your garden.