4 days a month
You know around here and at my house "4 days a month" gets spouted off all the time. So I have been thinking about it. At first I was like "yeah it's only 4 days and I have dh everynight". Ok so DH's job sent him 4 hours away to work, it started in November. So I don't see DH everynight. There has been times I've only seen him 24 hours. DH currently is scheduled to come back to our town to work the end of march.
I thought with me only seeing him on the weekends, this would help me to understand why his SDs ( 8 and 11 ) are so clingy. Maybe I can't see it because I do see DH at night, well some, he works alot of Overtime.
As SMs were are told:
1. It's only 4 days a month
2. Suck it up, how would you feel if you didn't have your kids all the time
3. Anyone can endure anything for just "4 days a month"
You see where I am going here? Maybe you don't. So with him being gone. I see DH 8 days a month. DH then gets SDs 4 days a month, so now I am basically seeing my husband 4 days a month.
Do I physically see him when the SDs are here, yes. However, it's all about them and when he doesn't get them, if I have my kids (49/51%) then he complains my kids are keeping us apart. This isn't true. My kids will actually watch our DD18mo for an hour or two so I can shower, do housework, or for 45 minutes in the morning so I can lay with DH since they know he's working out of town.
When the SDs are here: they hang on him constantly, call for dadddiee constantly, wake up at 7am and ask "where is dadddiee", usually I'll say in the toilet (lol), wake up our baby from naps because they just can't tone it down to lower than a yell.
So here it is, It's just 4 days a month ladies. So if you saw your DH for just 4 days a month, would that impact how you felt about seeing DH? Would you be more clingy constantly? Tell him you love him every minute? Ask DH to watch you do xyz?
I have to say with him working away and I am not with him everyday. I have gotten use to not sleeping with him, dealing with him, cooking for him, and I am less clingy. I think I realize that constant interaction with my DH frustrates the hell out of me. I could list the millions of reasons but no need.
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That's how I feel. If they
That's how I feel. If they actually were here more would they be less involved? I'm not asking because I want that, just curious.
We are completely divided. DH
We are completely divided. DH still pushes to do "family" things but I don't see SDs as family.
I think the nail in the proverbial coffin on that for me was when, OSD11 told her dad she couldn't remember DD18mo was then 3mo name, she's her half sister for crying out loud.
I'm not a COD but I do have a
I'm not a COD but I do have a couple of experiences:
From the time I was 10 until I was almost out of high school, my dad was only home late Friday night til Sunday evening because he worked 3 hours away. Was I glad to see him when he got home? Sure... but I didn't hang on him, didn't try to dominate his time, didn't do any of that. But maybe the missing ingredient was my parents were not divorced? I dunno. I just knew that's the way it had to be and accepted it without much thought. By the time he retired from that job, I was away at college, living on my own, and never really lived with them again.
When I got married at 21, it was to someone in the military; Army, mechanized infantry. I moved 1200 miles from everything I knew only to have him gone for months at a time, home for a week or so, then gone again. Out of 2 years, he was in California, Germany twice, Persian Gulf to name the far off places, let alone being 15 miles away "in the field" for 30 days at a time (still couldn't talk to him or see him).
I've always been pretty independent. Maybe that independence started because my dad was never around and I saw my mom handle the homefront all by herself (with me and 2 older brothers). Then had to be independent again when I got married and spent the first 2 years of married life virtually alone in a "strange land".
SD16 lives with us, 24/7 and
SD16 lives with us, 24/7 and she is still clingy to dadddyyyy. It makes me sick. We had to make her start going to her mothers one weekend a month so I could have him to myself or at least just have her out of my house. He can't go outside without her following him and she is 16 years old!! Even though she lives there she is still like a visitor to me. I can't wait for her to go to college but even then he will be on the phone with her all the time. I'm just not sure I'm cut out for this.
I just thought I'd throw it
I just thought I'd throw it out there. It seems to be the running line for me and many others. My DH makes his whole world about his SDs, whatever. I use to cry and cry about it.
Since he's been gone, I've gotten use to him not being around, to the point that I don't even really respond to him when he is home. What I mean by that is, come to him to kiss him or really cuddle,etc.
Stephell has been especially hard on me. I don't know why. My step life isn't as bad as some and worst than others. It feels like a home invasion and I'm the outsider. I feel like his mistress while OSD seems like his wife.
I can't not absolutely relate to why they are clingy like that. My kids do like to hug or sit next to me on the couch however, I've had the you're getting older talk. My BS is turning 14 in a few months, my BD is turning 10 in a few days. The hug me, kiss me on the cheek and we do joke/play around.
My kids absolutely do not cuddle with me on the sofa, sit beside me yes, lay all over me, NO. I have told my kids that after a certain age, that has to stop and is reserved for your spouse. However, when I mention appropriate boundaries to my DH, his response to me was "they will be my little girls forever" after a few times of that nonsense, I told him "I won't be visiting you in jail".
No my DH isn't doing anything inappropriate but we all know an accusation can be a problem. I can say DH has sometimes, not consistently, told his SDs to back off. This is when I am near by or giving him the you can sleep on the couch glare. If I am busy doing something else I will come back to OSD11 cuddled up under dh's arm, laying her head on his chest. I don't like it.
Is it me? Is stephell not something I can deal with? I ask myself these things all the time. I didn't mean to stir the pot as they say, just wanted other people's take on the timing.
When SDs are around I have to admit, it's like he is cuddling, kissing, telling I love you straight to BM and yes that's my issue but they look JUST LIKE HER, act just like her. It's hard and I never thought in my lifetime, I would say I couldn't stand to be around a child.
I am heartbroken over my failing relationship and it stems it started to fail when I decided to no longer stand by and let DH and SDs do whatever they wanted. I am not blaming SDs. I know kids will only do what their parents let them do.
I resent my DH more everyday, it's a horrible position to be in. I love him but I really don't like his actions or how our marriage has turned out. How is that possible? I don't know.