Crying? Need theraphy? No answers from SD
Over my kid/skid weekend, SD11 turned on the waterworks again. I'm not surprised by it, DH is. First off SD9 and SD11 didn't even get to our house until around 2 pm on saturday, SD9 had softball. OK, DH decided to work until 12, then he could be home when they got there.
That was fine by me and mine, we watched tv, relaxed and spent half the day in peace. I wrote about my feelings on some other things over the weekend, to get them off my chest, so to say.
SD11 was pouting again. I asked DH if he had addressed the issue I spoke to him about with her. DH thought I meant leaving her medicine in a bag where my 18mo old could drag it off the table. Well that could be one of them but I moved the bag and am diligent in watching OUR baby.
SD11 told my BD10 that she wanted her mommy and daddy back together again, so she wouldn't be in trouble all the time and everything would be perfect. Yeah OK....delisional much.
So DH said here she comes (SD11 storming back in the house because SD9 and BD10 dared to go outside where she was pouting)so we can address it right now. Whatever kid, get over yourself.
As SD11 storms past everyone in the dining area/living room, DH says "hey where you going". SD11 answers "anywhere BD10 and SD9 aren't". What a rude little girl she is.
DH told her to sit down and asked what her problem was. SD11 sat there for 2 seconds and dh asked again, SD11 didn't even look at dh, then the waterworks started.
Oh boy this kid cries more than our baby. DH said "what is wrong and why are you crying". SD11 said she was upset because "BD10 took a purse from her that BD10 gave SD11 on her birthday" (not true, BD10 didn't give it to her).
So BD10 and SD9 were on their way in. DH asked them "what's her (sd11)'s problem". SD9 said "because we don't want to do what she wants, she's whining". Wow kid, I kind of liked that one. BD10 said "she says my purse is hers and it isn't, I let her borrow it, now she thinks it's hers". DH says what purse. Well come to find out it was my old vera bradley I gave BD10.
SD9 even said that BD10 didn't give it to her and it wasn't SD11's, that BD10 let her play with it. DH asked "why are you crying over that? You are almost 12, and you are crying like a 2 year old over someone else's stuff". Wow, I couldn't believe DH said that, I was in awe. He actually parented his kid.
So since it was a problem and BD10 brought out the purse to show DH (dh knew it was mine and I'd given it to BD10). I stepped in and told my kid BD10, go put it in my room, now no one has it. Done and Done!
SD11 storms off crying. Seriously kid, what is your problem. DH went in the room and so did the other two girls. DH said that SD9 says SD11 cries over everything, if she doesn't get her way all the time. DH asked her what was wrong. SD11's answer, (like always) I don't know why I cry all the time I just do. So DH said he addressed the "bm and dh being back together thing too".
DH told her "your mom and I fought all the time, it was horrible and we aren't ever getting back together". I didn't say anything about what he said to her. I am a little put a back because I think SD11 needs to know, THEY DONT LOVE EACH OTHER ANYMORE. I say that because she seems to think, that if they just didn't fight, everything would be peaches. She also seems to think (by her actions) that if she causes us to fight, he will leave me too.
I have been disengaged from both SDs and they both have driven me nuts. I have to say that SD9 is giving off a glimmer of hope at not being disruptive ON PURPOSE. DH told me in the car, (sds were already gone) that he told his mom (mil) to ask the girls if they like coming to our house and if they liked me.
Well MIL told DH that SD9 said "I love going over there and SM is so nice". I'm standoffish at best but BM seriously dotes on SD11 and her youngest, so SD9 is use to being left out. I'm not rude but I don't engage either SD. SD11 said she liked coming over and me too.
DH asked if either hestiated. MIL said SD9 blurted it out but SD11 hestitated like she was thinking about it. I told him that SD11 was trying to determine if MIL would be mad at her, if she didn't say what she thought MIL wanted her to say.
DH didn't tell BM that he thinks SD11 needs therapy. I told him from my experience and seeing her, being around her, the crying is her way of manipulating BOTH of HER PARENTS, so she isn't disciplined.
I asked dh why he would tell SD11 that if he didn't believe in therapy. He said so they can find out why she is crying, they won't be able to help her not cry. I was like really. Ummm I think anyone who is around her for a few months, will tell you its to get attention, even SD9 says that's what it is.
But anyways, Does anyone else's Skid at 11 almost 12 cry, if they don't get their way, pout and just have an overall shitty attitude. I know being preteens, they all have sucky attitudes, BD10 does sometimes and I do have a teenager, BS13stb14. But I can talk to my kids and tell them that their attitudes suck.
BD10 still cries but BS13 will just go in his room to sort himself out. What's up? Is this moody preteen behavior? manipulation? or both?
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Comments
It's horrible. This girl
It's horrible. This girl cries most of the weekend. It's over stupid stuff too. I told him just parent her, she needs it.
I think she isn't coping because NEITHER of her parents, have parented her and allowed her to deal with disappointment.
DH use to give in to her every whim. It's just recently that he's gotten on either of his kids. SD9 is tollerating it fine but SD11 is crying like someone killed someone at the drop of a hat.
UGH!
BM says she started a few
BM says she started a few months ago. Called everyone to tell them, including MIL, whatever.
I know that girls can be moody but it's more than that. Like she's fine until you say one thing to her and it doesn't even have to be bad.
Here this is an example:
DH: SD11 did you take your medicine?
SD: no I forgot
BS13: that's not good
SD: Shut up BS13 (evil glare)
DH: One day she's going to hit you and I'm not going to say anything
ME: No one his hitting anyone because I'm sure you'd be a little upset DH if BS13 hit her back.
DH: he always has something to say
Me: He BS13 didn't say anything bad, chill out.
Yeah DH is being an ass at times too. I had to jump on that one real quick. But SD gets evil and pouts if anyone says anything or I lOOK at HER.
Lord help me. I was a teenage girl, I didn't cry all the time. My parents would have smacked the crap out of me, if I talked crappy to everyone.
I think her hormones need structure and discipline. If she'd had that I think some of this would have been avoided. Crying...Ok fine but if your DAD is concerned, don't ignore him. He wasn't being pissy with her when he first asked but to repeatedly ask and you ignore, yeah now I'm irritated and so was he.
Tommar, it wasn't meant to be
Tommar, it wasn't meant to be ugly. My son has adhd and does matter of factly say things not of concern to him.
If everyone would have just moved on, I could have corrected him. I spoke with him about saying things in other people's conversations.
But dh's response and SD11's was rude as well.
My SS cries, whines and pouts
My SS cries, whines and pouts all the time to get his way. As soon as I see it, I send him to bed. When I picked SD and SS up from school on Friday I had them helping me clean the boat. In 30minutes SS did nothing but whine and bully SD. He was sent to bed. Nothing stops the water works with my SS faster than being told to go to bed because he must be over tired.
OH how I wish DH would send
OH how I wish DH would send her to bed. She'd be in there for 2 days.
The crying, whining and pouting is ugh!
I think margaritas are the answer....for me obviously LOL
She is deliberately stirring
She is deliberately stirring shit up. Deliberately instigating trouble, make no mistake. My SD did this all the time. Towards the end, it got to be a regular stunt she pulled. She would claim one of my daughters things was hers. Could be anything. A shirt. A bag. Anything. At the end I was matter of fact, it's not yours. Or to my H it's not hers. He knew it. We all knew it. Then he would ignore her, or offer to buy her whatever item she claimed was hers. She always refused. And would go into hours and hours of pouting or drama. Carrying on and on that it was hers. Then the exscuses from my H. Can't you feel even a little bit sorry for her? She's been through so much. Then when I didn't feel sorry for her,I felt sorry she was such a mean little bitch is what I was sorry about. (I never said that) . It sounds like bad stuff, hopefully your H will check her, mine never did.
This type of stuff is end game .....she's creating more and more drama, chaos and misbehavior.
I feel she is doing it
I feel she is doing it purposely because she thinks she can break us up. We have been married for 2 years and these 2 years have been hell. It's always something.
BM started her crap and finally DH put a stop to it because I had enough. DH wanted to ignore BM and I wanted her shit to stop.
Anyways, SD11 then got mad at BD10 because BD10 told me about the "mommy and daddy comment". Let me make it clear BD10 wasn't tattling. BD10 was telling me because she was uncomfortable and didn't even know what to say to her. Plus SD11 told BD10 as well that she wanted to "smack him in the face" speaking of her dad.
BD10 told me everything. I told her I would handle it. So SD11 told BD10 after DH left the room, that she was a BIG MOUTH and she wouldn't tell her anything anymore, also that she didn't tell her dad and mom anything BD10 said. I am not concerned if SD11 tells BM any damn thing that happens or is said by MY 10 YEAR OLD.
I told DH about the comment so he could deal with his kid, because it's obvious this girl has issues that NEEDS to be DEALT WITH.
My DH knew it wasn't SD11's purse because I specifically told DH when I gave it to BD10 because I KNEW SD11 would WHINE she didn't get or my BD10 always gets xyz. It's not SD11's business what I give or buy my children....PERIOD! Just like it's not my business what SD11's BM buys her, whatever.
I think DH is somewhat waking up. It's not there and sometimes he sees it, I think he'd rather ignore it but knows I'm on the verge of just LEAVING. You can read some past blogs, it's out there in the open, I just told him 2 weeks ago, I was going to go if xyz keeps happening.
SD11 and SD9 NEVER play with their own stuff. They always play with BD10's stuff, they share a room because we can't afford a house big enough for all the kids to have their own. Esp when my kids are there 49% and his eowe. They play with her stuff so when it's time to clean they can say, "that's bd10's why do I have to clean it up". The short answer because you played with it. So I told DH again, "they all have their own toys, they all need to play with their own stuff PERIOD".
My daughter and my SD had
My daughter and my SD had their own rooms. It didn't help, because when a child is determined to be an instigator and shit stirrer, nothing will stop them, except possibly a biological parent. SD would steal constantly from my daughter, so I put a lock on her door. Then the accusations really started every weekend from SD, that my daughter had her stuff. Another issue is she would go right up to my daughter and start talking shit such as that's not your dad, he doesn't even like you. On and on, vicious things. No conversation, no interaction, just start in on my daughter, my daughter would lock herself in her room. Then SD being the mean crazy bitch that she is woild threaten to hurt herself if my daughter didn't come out and listen to her bullshit. One time she even went as far as to pull her own hair out as my daughter was walking away. That's right, the little crazy bitch pulled out her own hair cause my daughter was walking away from her.
I hadn't told my H none of this stuff, because he'd say the typical you hate my daughter. When I told him that his daughter had actually pulled out a small handful of her own hair, he looked right at me and said you don't actually think I believe you do you? It was a combination of this stuff, hurting herself, plus hurting my kids as in physically acting out, that made me stop visitation in the home.
Now I thought I could be out in public, we were at a big family party in a hall. That crazy little bitch actually followed me and as I was throwing out some garbage at a garbag can right outside a bathroom pushed me hard enough to cause me to lose my balance. Of course there were no witnesses. This wasn't too long ago. I haven't told my H, but I won't be around that little bitch at all.
The key to all this your H waking up and stopping her. Or possibly her escalating so much that she stops visitation on her own.
I stopped allowing visitation
I stopped allowing visitation in the home due to that, and the other issues.
If his kids torment my kids,
If his kids torment my kids, like this, he'll be calling me asking where I am because I will GTFO.
DH is waking up slowly and this girl hasn't escalated to that point. I think it's because she is kind of scared of me because my kids disappear when I get upset. It's not because I'm abusive, it's because they know they are in trouble and it's better to go into their rooms on their own.
I talk to my kids, they use to get spankings but now that they are older I can't even tell you when I busted their butts, It isn't needed.
I can't imagine living like you did or still do. I would go apeshit. Nobody will put their hands on my child or threaten them.
My SD11 does this as well.
My SD11 does this as well. While I blame part of it on hormones the better reason for it is because at our house we discipline and at her mothers house she isn't. So she thinks when she is hear that crying will help not be disciplined. Even though it has never worked in the last 4 years! She gets away with so much over there. She is failing the 5th grade because she never does homework or if she does doesn't turn it in. We have tried telling BM to pull her from activies(girl scouts,show choir,basketball and football cheerleading) but of course BM refuses. When her father is at work I will sometimes record these crying fits. It's not just crying she actually has a tantrum like a 2 year old. In fact it's worse then what our actual 2 year old does. Now in my SD's case hers could be from Bipolar(DH has it) but her dr. won't diagnose because of her age and the hormones. Trying to get her into where my son goes for ADHD to see if they will.
Luckily through all this DH hasn't felt sorry or hasn't given in. SD is in therapy so hopefully that will help some of this but with the PAS that BM does I kind of doubt it.
The BM here, got SD11 on a
The BM here, got SD11 on a 401 plan I think it's called. Because she misses so much school, they can't fail her under this plan. It's suppose to help those kids who miss school because of illness. So SD11 won't fail, even if she never does her homework, and she doesn't.
This weekend she got all pissy because BS13 was showing them an algebra problem (BD10 asked him to) because she couldn't do it after bragging that she already had algebra in the what grade let's see 5th or 6th. NOPE!
Luckily our BM can't do
Luckily our BM can't do anything like that. Yes SD has missed like 5 days of school or been tardy a couple times but not as bad as it used to be. When she was with us the whole month of January(BM lost license so had to live in nearby town to make it to work) homework got done. She lies about having homework and BM believes her but here I would take her bookbag and check it(DH works 2nd shift so I was in charge of homework). When DH went in in Feb. for a P/T conference the teachers said they could tell when she is with us because her homework is done, she actually participates in class and her attitude is better.
Our other problem is also that my BS9 is reading at an 7-8th grade level while SD11 was in reading intervention until last year(4th grade) and probably only reads at a 4th grade level being in 5th grade. We had problems when we first got together(4 years ago when he was already reading at a 4th grade level) because BS would get frustrated when she would read something and it took her forever. I did talk to him about it and after just one talk he stopped and just let her continue without showing how frustrated he was at least.