I haven't posted in months. The skids haven't been here since christmas since DH is working in another state currently. They'll be back in March for the ysd's birthday, gotta get that gift.

Anyways.

I just wondered why everyone in DH's life are such liars. My MIL's are liars and selfish. DH is a liar and really selfish. His ex LIAR, his kids - LIARS. His friends LIARS.

It makes me wonder why, what's the point. Let me give this scenario.

MIL/FIL have told me since day 1 that they HATE BM, always have, she's worthless, a liar and a piece of crap they never wanted their son to marry. Ok not neccessary to say all that, I never solicited this type of information, they just went on and on about how awful she was.

So now FIL was forced into retirement and since then they have went to skids t-ball games, their schools, had pictures taken with them at school. MIL even said they were never invited before to any of this stuff.

No biggie that's their grandkids but it's just odd, it just started now. Fine maybe things are easier now that FIL is retired. They don't talk to BM on the phone. OK well that's obviously not true because MIL decided to tell me that BM came to the house to bring the pictures from their school/granparents day to them and they got to see the skids then.

So if you hate BM and talk about her like a dog, why is it all of a sudden BM is coming to your house to bring you pictures? Whatever.

I think my best bet, is to only deal with MY MIL/FIL when I have to do so. I won't be going over there to spend any time with them, or take DD over there either. They have driven over and hour at least 3 times in the last few months to see the skids but dont drive 20 minutes to come see DD.

Steplife- this isn't a life, this is an illusion. I am tired of the illusion and tired of pretending that every time I see the skids pictures on the wall I don't want to rip them down and burn them.

I tried with the kids, my in laws, his friends and gave DH all my love. I don't deserve to be lied to and treated disrepectfully by any of them. In the last few months, I've kept to myself and I will continue to do that. I have a few friends I speak to when I'm in my office at work but haven't confided anything.

I have a friend I email, been through 2 marriages, steplife. I confide in that friend. That friend tells me I deserve better and to GTHO. I wish I was strong enough to make a decision like that, financially I can't buy a stick of gum. I wanted a good marriage the second time around but I obviously picked wrong. Ever since my DH went to work out of town, I've realized I'm glad he isn't here. I only want him here to give me a break with DD, which never happened anyways.

I do miss him taking the dog out in the mornings so I dont have to freeze my butt off. DH says "I love you, I miss you, can't wait to see you" and I roll my eyes and just say it back. I dont feel it, I feel nothing when he says those things. I feel nothing when he hugs me or kisses me. I am a shell of a person I was or wanted to be this time around. I'm going through the motions but emotionally I've checked out.