SO has now become DH. We see eye to eye on most things but I feel as if I’ve become a negative person as it relates to the SSs. I do not have a positive attitude or assume positive intent from them. 

We are in the process of purchasing a house since we currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment. The house is big enough for all of the children to have their own rooms. We own the apartment we have and SS19 tried to ask for it but we refused because we knew he wouldn’t be able to afford it. 

I have stated in prior blogs that I don’t trust my stepsons for many reasons (they’ve lied, stolen, all things I’ve written about). The newest with SS19 is that he is working a job at a thrift store which he does not want to leave because he’s “a boss” there. I should mention that his mother somehow got this job for him yet she still can’t find work and now owes about 50k in child support. SS19does not want to go to college, still dreams of making it big in the music industry as a rapper while making minimum wage at a part time job. 

We also found out that he vapes CBD because I saw one day that my DDs book was peeking out of his book bag so when I went to remove it I saw that he had cartridges and told DH. It was only after this that SS19 then talked to me about how it all started (while he was boxing and hurt his shoulder) and saying that he has anxiety about his future because he thought he would be at a certain level by this age but he isn’t. His perceived sense of failure at not being a millionaire at 18 is the root cause of why he feels he needs to vape. Middle class living is not good enough for him. 

SS14 is now going into high school in September and this will be a new challenge for him as the house will be farther from the school than where we live now. It will be about 1.5 hour commute each way for him instead of an hour each way. He struggles with  authority figure and I have a feeling this is the year it’s all going to come to a head. I do not believe in him. The first step to helping oneself is realizing that one has a problem: he still thinks it’s all the fault of his teachers who complain about him, it’s never him. 

Lastly the constant mess is still not resolved. Their room is always always always in a state of disaster and while I don’t tell them to clean it now because I’ve been very hands off in this apartment, I refuse to have this be the case in the new  house. I get angry just thinking about it. I’ve already called a meeting with them letting them know that their dad has been the one to primarily deal with them and attempting to make them clean after themselves but once we are in the new house, I’m going to be taking a more active role and I will flip out if I see garbage on the floor, writing or holes in walls or general filth. If they start doing it in common areas they will be confined to their rooms. If both their rooms are a mess they will share a room again so that the mess can be confined to 1 room instead of 2. SS19 will for the first time be expected to help contribute to the household bills, especially since he takes 2-4 hour daily baths. I’m going to have to let him know that his help will not entitle him to make decisions in the house.