I dont understand, are you making a choice between paying CS and rent/mortage?

And BM's "her bfs" have nothing to do with supporting your DH's child

His CS is HIS bill, above and beyond your shared bills. If you split your shared bills according to income, his child support comes out of what he has left over after that. At least, that's how it should be (in my opinion).

But a lot of men have a really hard time with this money thing. They seem to think we are taking advantage of them, when in fact, they are the ones taking advantage of us.

Take the same amount of 'CS' out of your income for BS that DH pays towards skid. Poof, that's gone from the calculation. If say skid CS is $1,000 a month, you take $1,000 a month out of your check and that's BS's 'CS'. Then go from there. 50/50 on mortgage, electric bill blah blah blah. Your car payment and upkeep is yours, his is his. Then you could also figure if a share of what DH has left should go in the kitty of BS's (if child is his, idk ) 'CS'...you alone shouldn't be supporting BS if it's also DH's child. When it's all said and done, neither might not have much 'spending' money on themselves but BS would have what his needs are met plus hopefully some extras for BS.

FDH and I make close to the same amount. I have more personal bills (car pymt, student loans, credit cards, my BS expenses) then he does. We each pay our own personal bills.
Everything else is split down the middle- mortgage and utilties. I pay for groceries 3/4 weeks. He will give me about $100 towards groceries/household each month. In return he pays for "extras"- dinners out, movies, etc. I think its fair.

We have an understanding that the CS he pays does not affect our household bills. Such as the lack of CS I receive for my BS does not affect the bills.

His CS is going to increase soon and that added expense will come out of his personal money.

Since we make close to the same income, I cant really say if I think he should pay more or less if he made more or less. I would think its fair for him to pay more if he made more so I wasnt broke every month. I would become resentful of that. However, CS is his responsibilty. I dont think that should affect what he has to pay into the household. You shouldn't have to "suffer" because of that payment.

CS is all that your DH should be paying to BM. That and anything else defined in the court order (e.g. Half of med expenses not covered by insurance. Half of visitation travel costs.) Other than what is required by the CO he should not be paying anything to BM IMHO.

His income is not his. Your income is not yours. You are married. All income is marrital income and goes to pay marrital bills. Anything left goes to benefit members of your household or more importantly should be invested.

When we married my income was the only income. When she started working her income went in to the same family accounts that mine went in to. When she finished her BS and took a professional position her increased salary kept going to the same accounts just as mine increasing income kept going in the same family accounts. The CS received from our son's (my SS) SpermIdiot went in to the same accounts. Family income is family income.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

I honestly don't even think about child support. DH pays 200.00 a week and it is taken directly out of his paycheck via his employer. So as far as I am concerned, that money doesn't exist. It never reaches our home, it never hits our bank account, I look at it as another TAX. His net check is all that concerns me. I think we split the bills pretty evenly. I pay the mortgage, he pays the all utilities & the groceries. We each pay our own credit cards. There are months when I bring in less than him and he pays more and there are months when I make more than him and I pay more. In the end, we both share the home. It is ours, we both enjoy it, so we both pay to live there. I only take issue when he ends up buying stuff for SD because BM uses the CS on herself. However, if he feels like spending his weekly allowance on his kid, that's his problem. I won't throw extra money in the pot so he can throw it towards his kid.

Ok:

Apparently I have a different way of doing this than most.

I don't give a shyte how much DH makes. Does not matter to me at all. We have the understanding "I am NOT paying for your kids they are NOT mine."

We take the total household bills and divide by number of people living in the house.
DH+Me+4skids= 6 people

**House is figured separately as it is solely in my name: premarital property so I pay the mortgage. DH's share is $500.00 a month which he pays as "rent" that is Less than 1/4 of the mortgage**

My car is solely in my name: I pay for it myself.

So groceries, electric, water, car insurance, health insurance,phones, cell phones etc etc.
If the total comes to 2000.00 then divide by 6: My share is $333.33.

Now DH and I do not have a kid together if we did: I promise you we would each be paying for half of that child's needs.

This DOES mean DH has A LOT less spending $$ than I do.
DH also has alot more expenses namely FOUR KIDS that his money is spent on.
No, I do not feel sorry for him having less money because he has to support HIS kids.

So yes, we use percentages in our house, but I pay the percentage of what I USE, he gets to pay for him and his kids.

He sounds selfish. When he was making more he wasn't contributing more, yet now that you are making more you should contribute more?

Here's what I think.

He needs to job search. Actively.

I think he needs to file for unemployment benefits if he has not.

I think he needs to file for a cs reduction if he has not.

He needs to pay his CS.

He needs to give you whatever money he has left over to help with his portion of the bills.

He needs to do those things, all in that order.

Well, my husband is very selfish. We split the bills 50/50. However, somehow the groceries along with ANYTHING else for the house (toilet paper, laundry detergent, stuff for the yard etc) are all on ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally had to tell him to go buy his own kids socks because I was tired of them wearing my kids stuff. That was like an act of congress. He doesn't understand why they can't all share the STUFF I BUY!!?? He is so pathetic that he will not even buy his kids underwear. They wear hand me downs. I REFUSE TO BUY HIS KIDS CLOTHES OF ANY SORT!!!

Men just don't get much of anything! ARGH!

Why is everything is the step situation so freaking complicated? My head is spinning from reading all these replies. It's like you have to be a CPA to do the family finances. Sheesh!

Sorry I have no advice, I'm a SAHM so there's nothing to split. If I was working I would just put all my money in the joint account and take it from there.

I personally don't believe in the whole "my bills" "your bills" thing once you get married. But that's just me.

Hope you figure something out that works for you.

It is really interesting to me how everyone does their finances. I think dh and I must be the only couple in the world who simply deposit their incomes into one account and then simply pay the bills. There is no his money or my money. There is no child support coming or going, but there has been in the past. It was paid out of our joint account just an any other bill was. Likewise when he received child support it was put into our joint account and expenses paid out for ss as they arose.

Do we argue about money? Sometimes. Dh is more of a spender than I am. We typically discuss and agree on bigger purchases but at times he can be impulsive and want to spend a couple hundred on walmart when we truly just need bread or milk.

We have occasionally discussed "splitting" the finances-which to me would really make zero difference as our incomes are about the same. To me the only thing this would do is give dh more "disposable income" that is HIS and his alone with no one to put the brakes on his spending.

DH and I have a joint account. All the money goes in there, DH gets his 'allowance' and I make sure everything gets paid. DH has a serious spending habit and can't stand to have money (According to MIL, he gets it from his father ) so really I can't trust him with money. Also, we have SS4 100% of the time, BM can't demand CS though we don't get CS either even though if the situation was reversed she would rake us over the coals for everything he has. DH pities her, I want to push her off the planet }:)