Well, I'm probably going to spread out my "story" thus far over several different blogs. Today's issue is how I have been "banned" from having contact with BM. We had been close friends since 13 yrs. old, and even for about 2 or 3 years after I found out about the affair we would still communicate (though not well, for obvious reasons). Then one day it was just "You are not his parent, you don't have anything to do with this, all this should only be between your husband and I". It was like the past 15 years hadn't even happened in her eyes. She said if I contacted her again under any means, then she would get harassment charges pressed on me. I've talked to people about it, and they say they'd be surprised if she could, because I haven't said anything even half as bad as what her and her 2nd husband have dished out to us, and they instigate the negativity. On the same hand, I don't want to bring on any more threats than she already makes or has carried out.

Where to start about this topic....first of all, I'd understand if I were telling her what she should and shouldn't do with their son. True, I am not his bio parent, and I understand leaving decisions about SS between the two of them. But the thing is that I never try to tell her anything like that. I talk to her about comments she makes or the effects this has on OUR family and kids, and all I hear is "you are not his parent, so butt out". According to her, I have no business in ANY of this and anything that doesn't have to do "directly" with HER son (her words) isn't open for discussion, even with my husband.

As I said, she also makes many comments about me or our children...and I'm not supposed to say anything back? Many times she jumps in about the reason that we "complain so much" about support is only because we have "50 million kids" and should "strap one on" (that one came from her 2nd husband). We have 6 kids, only one of who was conceived after paternity on my husband was established, and even the two daughters before him were still conceived on birth control (condoms and pill). And I had a Mirena IUD put in before I got pregnant with our 6th...so we were completely shocked when we found out. Shocked (and scared, because of the risks with the pregnancy and birth), but still happy and blessed. And I admit there are times I feel sad that we don't have more money to raise our children with, and I feel they deserve more in that respect. But they are all loved and wanted and generally happy, and it really burns my toast for her and her husband to criticize how many kids we have! Especially when she had a child with my husband because she was sleeping with 4 different guys at the time, even another one who was married and had another kid...as if that is any more responsible? It's like "Hello Pot, guess what? You are black too"

More than that is the fact that her current husband gets in on everything too. She yells that I can't say anything because I'm not his parent, but then neither is her husband. But she defends him by saying "he's married to me and lives here and helps take care of him, so yes, he IS involved and has a right to say whatever he thinks". Hello? Am I not married to my husband? Do I not live here? Do I not help take care of SS when he is here? And when her husband does start going off on us, it's not even for the purpose of talking about SS, it's a personal attack. Cursing, name-calling....you get the idea. And it alwasy seems to happen around special occasions like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas and the kids birthdays...times when you'd think the fighting should cut back or stop. I could even put up with the stuff they say about us...but it really gets to me when they bring our kids into it. I don't understand why BM hates them so much when she knew we already had kids together, what's more what POSSIBLE reason her husband has anything against them, because he doesn't even KNOW them...they're good kids, they do NOT deserve to be talked about or treated as trash.

But anyway, it really frustrates me when she says that her current husband has been "part of C's (SS) life since before he was born", but me and our kids "were not" and are not, and my husband is only "playing Daddy" now. She started dating her 2nd husband about 4 months before his birth...they didn't get married until 2003. And he broke up with her for a time around the birth. Not only was I her friend for years before she had SS, I was there at his birth! I was there for some of the ob-gyn appts. When talking around our kids in the past, she used to call herself "Aunt B" because she'd come over frequently and do what friends do for each other's kids. And I was babysitting her daughter (and SS for a short time after his birth). And now she says her current husband has been part of his life since the beginning and we "haven't"? I don't get it

As I also mentioned in the last blog....she thinks that I shouldn't have a problem with her being alone with or talking to my husband without being part of the conversation. They both lied to me and betrayed me. Do I really deserve to be told by her "husband" (I say this because he never actually says any of these things directly, it is all through texts and email, so it may be her saying these things posing as him?) that I am "paranoid"? I'm just tired of her trying to cut me out of the picture when it's my marriage and family she helped ingratiate herself in. I know my husband's part, that's why we've been working so hard on our marriage therapy. But I don't know how to deal with her...or not deal with her. Any thoughts/advice?