More on the exH and is insistence on NOT doing extras - more venting
I vented earlier this week about exH not wanting to commit to travel ball for my 9 year old based on a discussion he had with a friend who has an older kid doing travel ball.
He has come up with every excuse NOT to do this. Before I bore you with those, let me first tell you that this team is for 6-9 year olds. They will only be travelling during the month of July so that the boys/families get a taste of what it will be like and then they will ultimately play in a Fall league with neighboring cities in a less than 10 mile radius.
So exH has said the following for excuses:
- I wont' be able to take the kids camping (note, it's one month of tournaments and half the weekends are mine and I've volunteered to get DS there if exH can't manage)
- There will be too much focus on DS9's activities and the other kids will be left out (each of the other two kids have played ball also. DD12 did not want to try out for travel ball this year. She tried competition dance team in the past and chose not to continue. DS10 likes solo activites and is more into computers, building, chess, etc. They have been offered the same types of experiences and DD12 LOVES going to the ball games and hanging out with the other siblings).
- Doesn't want to pay the extra money ( didn't ask him too, but the team is doing everything on the cheap)
- If he goes to tryouts today, then the family will miss out on a trip to the lake with his parents. (umm, you've known that he would either have playoffs today and/or tryouts for several weeks now. Tomorrow is Father's day - perhaps you should plan something with the "family" on that day).
He's driving me nuts. I can't help but think that all of this opposition has something to do with the new wife. She's not very involved with the kids as it is, even though she's been living with them for 5 years now and I'm sure she doesn't like the kids' having activities that infringe on her.
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Well as a parent yes that
Well as a parent yes that would kind of annoy me but if the kid wants to do it how is it fair for the others to have been allowed to do the same opportunity but this one can't because it's too much work for dad?
SS was in scouts and we wouldn't let him do things on BM's weekends but it started coming down to he missed out on a lot of camp outs and things because BM was too lazy to take him. He got to sit around the house of whichever friend BM was sleeping on their couch for the weekend and we went and did stuff with DD. It stinks for these kids when one parent is selfish but that is how it works. My favorite was BM said she would take him camping if we would buy her the equipment. Ummm no BM we won't. We have ours and considering you can't take care of the things you own now we will not let you borrow our things. She is a piece of work.
And to be clear, we do about
And to be clear, we do about a 60/40 split. However, during the marriage, I stayed home with the kids and managed their schooling and activities. Since the divorce, I have gone back to work but still manage the activities and exh had appreciated my assistance with reminders and continual notifications - even though I have asked him if he'd like me to back off.
He does not do well managing the children and their schedules as is and I anticipate it will further decline as his new marital commitments increase and the children continue to develop their interests outside of the home.
Yes. I think it's sad for the
Yes. I think it's sad for the kids also. DH got married in October and things have slowly and progressively changed regarding the children over the last few months. Here are just a few examples:
- exH scheduled a family dinner for SM on a Friday night and then a family BBQ on Saturday for SM. Fri my DD had an event for softball and the next morning was her opening day parade and her first game of the season. DD missed the Fri night team event and then I was going to be taking her to her first game. (Ultimately, DS9 and SM came down with the stomach flu so they cancelled the BBQ and exH was able to attend).
- DS9's team was selected to take part in a Take the Field program with our local major league baseball team which would allow him and his team mates to go on the field before the game and meet the players, get autographed balls and take the position that they normally play with the major leaguer. This is clearly a once in a lifetime event for my son. The MLB field is less than 5 miles from each of our homes. It took place on his weekend. DH had plans for himself that same day and wouldn't take DS9 or the others to the event so I did. As it turned out, DD12 ended up having a championship game that same weekend, which he also blew off since I was now taking the kids to the game, so I ended up getting the kids to the MLB game, leaving during the 2nd inning and taking DD12 to her playoff game. exH happily carried on with his plans even though it was his weekend to manage the children.
Just because he is now married, does not mean the kids have to miss out on their activities - especially big ones and important ones. I've spoken with exH about the choices he is making (prior to this travel ball incident) and he is not happy with himself as he is not being the father he strives to be. He is a workaholic by nature and I was a good influence on him to work less, and be there for the kids. Now his new life partner lives much more of a non-kid lifestyle - which is fine, but... exH has 3 kids that he has 40% of the time.
So basically ExH has three
So basically ExH has three kids and was being a father, now he has married a woman who has no kids and is blowing off things that he had not before. Things that are important to his kids. Basically he is blowing his kids off to do non-kid things with his new wife. Yeah, I see your point and I have seen women post on here that they didn't have kids for a reason and have put their foot down about the skids. It does sound like his new wife does not want to be a SM and wants to just be a wife with no kids. She doesn't have time for that... }:)
Lol. Yes. That's what I'm
Lol. Yes. That's what I'm seeing also. Though I understand that he ultimately makes his own decisions.
I don't like to place blame on her, but I see a woman with very minimal interest in being a step mom which is fine. However, she saw that he had 40% custody and was involved w the kids. Now that they are married, he is doing adult things more often and the kids are being set aside. Again, these are assumptions based in why I'm experiencing and a lot of what I read on here.
Post removed - Oops wrong
Post removed - Oops wrong thread - Sorry.
~BettyRay
Thanks for taking the time to
Thanks for taking the time to respond.
I really don't want to blame SM in this and feel bad when I mention it. I know it's DH and perhaps some of her influence.
exH did not do any sports or activities when he was a child. I did. I look back on my years playing travel ball and cheerleading as some of the best times I had growing up. The girls and families that I played ball with are my very best life long friends. Many of those girls' sons will be playing on my son's team.
I've tried to offer my DD12 these experiences but she hasn't been interested in pursuing them. DS10 has zero interest in sports or group activities so it's not even an option. DS9 is very social and good at sports (like me
and he wants to do EVERYTHING. I want to give this to him. If he chooses to pursue it, then great. If he doesn't, then that's fine too. I won't make the kids do things they don't want to, for the most part }:) .
I think that exH and I would be having this disagreement even if we were together. He's agreed to allow him to play but we are going to meet for lunch later this week to make sure we're on the same page with this and other summer events.
Regarding kids being responsible for their own things, for the most part they are. I do the same thing and ask them to pack their things the night before - several times. If I'm really on my game, I'll list off ALL of the items they need in their bags - they have bags for each sport so it typically stays packed, but cleats or belts will go missing here and there. I'm all for them suffereing the consequences when they forget their things - they've had to do karate without their uniforms and the teacher will make them do push ups or if they forget their cleats, I just make them play with out. ExH will go nuts trying to get them what they need - but he's quite forgetfull anyway and always feels bad when he forgets things, especially for the little one.
I've got to look into that calendar you mentioned. I can Mostly keep all the schedules straight in my head and iPhone, but no one else seems to be able to do that: DH, exH, skid, bios.