Update: dH wants to put Internet in SS13's room
I AM LIVID.
I tell dh that I do not agree about the children having Internet access in their rooms and that we need to figure out how to make sure we out limits on their mobile devices befor they figure out how to access things we don't want themto have.
Dh listens but he brings it back up tonight after a discussion with ss13. Dh tells me that SS is willing to pay for it on his own and he wants to encourage him to have friends (so he can play Xbox games with his classmates - which is why he wants the Internet).
I'm livid and remid him that we pay $800 a month for his private school, where there are less than 10 boys in his class and if he can't make friends with that, then do we really want to encourage him to spend more time in his room, playing video games. He can do that already at BMs during his EOWe visit.
I say, "how about we encourage him to actually play wih his friends".
Dh has several ideas and suggestions but he wants him to have access to his Xbox Internet so "he can make friends".
I call bull shit. He wants to trump bm. He's tired of hearing ss13 say "I have this at BMs but I'd rather play here at home"
I tell dh, "fine whatever, your choice"
He says,"I'd like to give it a chance"
I say, "no, wrong answer - we are. It setting a precedent of Internet in the room... Unless you are really fine with setting the expectations of "your" kids vs "mine"".
Hes pissed. He wants to do this for his son cuz poor SS can't make friends.
No
Try, poor SS is playing you.
Whatever. Fine! Then I will feel no regret if your son goes to public school next year and I work it out with my chikdren's bio dad that hey go to private high school when the time comes.
He wants to play "my son, my decision"? That's fine.
I'm way better at that game... And have much greater resources. And an involved father that plays child support.
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Comments
Yes! I don't want SS in my
Yes! I don't want SS in my basement and even brought up, "hey, remember when we met and SS did was play video games in his room. Alone?".
Let's help him develop other skills so he can succeed in the world. Bm has set him up on the Internet at her house. Her EOWe visitsare more than enough time for him to play with his friends.
How about he "play" with his friend that lives around the corner face to face, instead of online?
Well, I'm not in your home so
Well, I'm not in your home so I don't get a vote that counts, but here's my vote: NO.
This kid is a smooth little turd at manipulating his father. Shoes to internet. At sixteen the car will be rolling into the drive while yours are handed bus tickets. Pfft. It's not really about treating them equally or one 'getting' more. Internet and young teens don't belong in the same room together where parents can't control and supervise.
This kid can makes friends using xbox sitting in the familyroom or den or wherever the h*ll it is you set the thing up. No way should kid be able to shut himself up and away all day/night on stupid xbox. It isn't about who is paying it...no xbox in bedroom. There Mr Step Off Already is my vote along with my 2 cents. Oh, if the next attempt to pull the wool over your eyes is poor little son will study better and get straight A's if he can internet in his quiet privacy of his bedroom, don't 'buy' that one either. Silly man.
Bahaha! ... Still no shoes
Bahaha!
... Still no shoes yet!
I agree completely. Dh is
I agree completely.
Dh is just so wrapped up in the competition with bm along with wanting poor little SS to make friends that he's "willing to give it a try"
Silly man. Doesn't he know that things don't just magically happen - whether it's his son getting the summer schedule rearranged so he can attend a day camp program or whtwr it's making the Internet work in his room.
Trust me. It won't happen.
Yes!yes! Yes!!!!! I made the
Yes!yes! Yes!!!!!
I made the mistake early on in the discussion and said "it's your son so it's your decision". That was my first mistake.
Then, along the sane lines of your "friendless kid playing video games alone in his room and living with his parents till he's 30" argument, my mentioning of the situation before I came along made dh feel like a bad parent.
Thanks for the input. These are helpful arguments.
You mentioned that your DH
You mentioned that your DH isn't too computer savvy - if he gallops down this path blindly, I might install some parental units on the 'ole wifi router...
like a password
and timers
I agree with others that this is a big time NO! but if you end up getting run over, you can do other things to manage it.
I intend to do this, should
I intend to do this, should it get to this point.
Amen.
The end
Girl crush!
Girl crush!
Wow! I'm surprised with the
Wow! I'm surprised with the frequency of bulk smashing and baseball batt-Ing to xboxes.
But happy to hear it.
ugh I'd LOVE to hulk smash
ugh I'd LOVE to hulk smash the xbox in this house..... although FDH would poop himself because he loves a good ole nazi zombie killing romp every now and then!
Bad idea. Wait, no, HORRIBLY
Bad idea. Wait, no, HORRIBLY bad idea and here is how I know:
My SS was given free reign over the Internet at the age of 15. He plays World of Warcraft. He played it 24/7 then and now at 23 he still plays 24/7. He has very few friends in real life. He's had one girlfriend ever, and that seems like some kind of miracle since he NEVER GOES OUT. He has a severe lack of social skills. It's like pulling teeth to even get him to talk to me and DH. He is completely consumed by this stupid game. He has a standing date on Sunday nights to "meet up" with his "friends" from the game and that interferes with real life! He won't hang out with us or other family when he's got a "date" to play. He leaves family get togethers long before anyone else so he can "go raid." He scarfs down dinner is two seconds so he can get back to his game. He stays up til all hours playing it. Even my DD9 knows how obsessed he is.
He has 2 dead end jobs and just barely went back to college after dropping out after 1 year (and he is a former honors student, not some dummy). And he's taking a whopping 2 classes. Any more than that would interfere with WOW. He is directionless, unmotivated and going nowhere FAST. that game has RUINED him. He is 23 and emotionally stunted, I swear he has the maturity of a 16 year old. He's hated every job he's ever had, complains about hard work and is still resentful that his mom made him get a job at the age of 18. He has been living with DH and me for 3 years and is not any more mature, successful or better off financially than the day he moved in. Seriously, it all goes back to that damn game. It's ALL he ever wants to do and all he cares about. When his computer goes down or the Internet goes down, he PANICS, I'm not kidding. He gets FRANTIC at needing to get it all working again.
At the rate he is going, he will be living with us until he is 30 or beyond. And that scares the HELL out of me. I did not sign up to have a grown man child live with me forever. Luckily, DH is on board with eventually getting him out. I want to move to a new place in the next 6 months or so, and we agree that getting a place with a bedroom for him will be way too comfortable and he'll never leave, so he'll be sharing a room with my DS5 In the next place so he has motivation to move out.
Seriously, don't give him his own internet unless your DH wants his son to turn into a socially inept slug who will never move out or do anything positive with his life. It's just asking for it. Trust me, I've watched it happen over the last 8 years and it ain't pretty!
Thank you all. These are all
Thank you all. These are all excellent points that I will share with
DH.
DH often likes to take the easiest parenting route. He doesn't think the consequences thru.
His intentiOn is to make SS happy and help him make better friends with his classmates when I reality, he is helping him become mOre and more of an overweight, antisocial recluse.
It's a terrible terrible idea
It's a terrible terrible idea for all the reasons mentioned above. If your husband does this he will lose any kind of meaningful relationship with his son, because SS will spend so much time in his room there will be little time left for father/son time, or any real parenting. Pretty soon it will be hard to force him out of his room for family time. Online gaming turns boys into sullen recluses and in some cases actually inhibits them from developing the normal social skills that come from spending time with actual people. My SS felt increasingly lonely and isolated in our home because he chose to spend so much time on his own in his bedroom playing online with pretend friends. Our relationship with him and his relationship with us suffered. At some point he began to blame us for his discomfort in our home, his attitude declined, arguments ensued, and he now refuses to visit the house.
SS lives with us FT and has
SS lives with us FT and has been visiting BM eowe for a year now that she is back in the picture. She tried to be a disney mom and set him all up with video games so he's been at her house all summer, alone (he had 3 - two week visits) playing online games.
Now since DH is in competition with BM and is jealous and Since SS says things like, "I have that game at mom's but I'd really like to play it here" - DH wants to do the same.
It's totally for the wrong reasons and I'm sure when we have a rational discussion he'll realize and make the correct choice.
... otherwise, programable router - here I come!