Is this really worth it?
I really wonder about that sometimes. I have done it for almost two years and it's not getting any easier. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just the bm I guess, but I feel like I've got to stay on my toes with my so too. Just earlier tonight is a perfect example. My bd was telling me about something that happened just before dinner with sd. She asked me about them having to agree on the game played when there is more then just one playing. I said of course. She went on to tell me that sd just grabbed a game and put it in not asking if bd wanted to play that one too or not. At this time my so chimes in and tells her that bd did the same thing to ss right before that. Bd went on to explain that she did not. That she did ask ss if he would play the certain game one time before playing the other game and ss said yes. Of course at this point I let my so know that what bd did with ss was not the same as what sd did to bd.
Sd is 14 and this has been a new thing over the past several weeks they have been here. She refuses to ask for anything. She will just tell me that she needs something or has to be somewhere etc and just expects me to do it. The words thank you aren't even in her vocabulary. I have made a new rule, if it's not a requirement, and to me only school fits into this catagory, they better ask me or they aren't going. Sd missed her sewing class this week because she wouldn't ask.
At the moment I am trying to figure out the best approach to start teaching sd and ss manners. My so thinks they have great manners but I've got news for him, being withdrawn and quite does not constitute manners.
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To know she was to some place
To know she was to some place and does not drive....makes you look like the bad guy, now she can blame you that she did not make it to the class, your wanting respect I think you should get it, but not at the cost of a clss, she will learn to blame you for all her failures
Here's the thing though, her
Here's the thing though, her dad had just told her earlier that day that she had to ask me. She was asking him knowing he would be at work. She had also been told several times before this that she had to ask me. It is only a sewing class that she really isn't wanting to take. Her bm pushed her into it.
I have gave up expecting respect from her. Have even tried being the fun person, girls day movies shopping etc and nothing helped. Even though so and bm had been divorced over 2 years when I met my so, I am the person who has put an end to their happy arrangement. Meaning bm call, so comes running. Visiting his kids at their bm. Doing things around the house for bm that a husband normally does. Bm even wanted him to check out the house she was going to rent before she got it. Would have been the perfect time for him to tell her he didn't approve of the 1 bedroom house, but of course he said nothing.
With all due respect... Bull
With all due respect... Bull dickey... If SD14 KNOWS she needs to be somewhere it is HER responsibility to communicate the need. 14 yr olds communicate incessantly via cell phone and texting... to their friends... they need to learn to communicate to their *taxi/limo* service equally as well. They need to learn to say please and thank you, and be mindful of other peoples schedules. 14 years olds may forget their homework or that they need to take the dog for a walk...they never forget that they were promised a trip to the mall... just saying.
Oh god I wish it was just
Oh god I wish it was just normal fighting over games. My sd literally can go all day and not say more then 5 words. So when she pulls crap, she just does it without any response whatsoever. Asking her why she does something is useless. You will get either a shrug or I don't know, and she is 14! My bioson is almost 20 and in the navy. I so wish that we only had the normal teenage shit like my son put me through, but that will never happen with her.
I have been trying to
I have been trying to disengage. My daughter is ADHD so there is no organization to her at all. I felt like I was having to get on to her alot about her room because it wasn't fair to sd. So I solved that matter with giving my daughter her own room and making ss11 and sd14 share a room. I have began the rule that if u want to go somewhere u have to ask, I'm not their taxi service. But I find it hard to completely disengage because I am the one at home with them. Dh doesn't get home till around 7 or 8 at night. Even babysitters have to discipline so I'm still having to play the evil stepmom role. Because of their mental issues (thanks mostly to their bm) I can't just leave them alone. Ss11 has already tried choking one of my dogs and has out of the blue for no reason picked things up and hit my bd. And after watching my sd stare at my knife block for over 5 minutes with a grin on her face, I definately can't trust her either. I am so glad that school is about to start next week. Being with the skids all day every other week is really wearing my nerves down.
As for dh seeing how his daughter really is, that will never happen. He thinks my daughter is the one with the problems and that his daughter is 100% normal. And for him backing me, don't know if that will happen. Wednesday we had an incident and I thought he would back me then but he didn't. Sd, after being told no on going somewhere because we didn't have 60 for her to go, turned around and asked someone from her church if they could pay. So it was a double whammy. She not only asked someone else after I said no, she also basically asked a stranger for money for something she didn't need. Another nice habit she's learned from her bm. Told my husband that he needed to talk to her about it and afterwards found out he only talked to her about the money. He didn't feel it important enough to confront her asking someone else after I told her no.
Ditto
Ditto