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When will the crap stop?

Stepinsanity's picture

Submitted by Stepinsanity on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 3:13pm

My ss11 just came to the door to inform me that my bio was stuck under the bunkbed. Why she was there in the first place I have no clue. When I walk into the room, sd14 is just standing in the middle of the room staring at my daughter. No attempt from her whatsoever to help my bio. Keep in mind that my sd is taller then me and probably outweighs me by atleast 10 pounds. Also for the past several days I have had to wear my knee brace because my knee has been bothering me alot lately. I had to lift the end of the bunkbed so my daughter could get unstuck.

What is with this girl? Has her bm already brainwashed her so badly that she doesn't give a shit about anyone else but her mom and brother? This isn't the first time sd has shown that she don't give a crap about my bio. They were going to a deal at a church one day and we even made sure that sd understood that my bio had never been there before and doesn't know where anything is there. About 30 minutes later I get a text from my daughter. She is in the parking lot and can't find sd anywhere. That sd basically left her the moment we were out of site. So I had to go pick my bio up and whether it was right or not, I gave sd a chewing the moment she got in the car when I picked her up. When you say anything to her she just gets this look of contempt on her face and it makes me want to slap her so badly. At one time I could have loved this child but I don't think it's possible anymore.

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 4:05pm

Why did BD go to the church function?

I think SD and BD need some space from each other. If you can, you might want to consider having them sleep in different rooms. That way, your BD isn't as stressed.

How old is BD? It's really tough to form a blended family when kids are in their teens. I know, because my mom married my stepdad when I was 13 and my stepsiblings were teenagers also.

Are you forcing the kids to do things together? My suggestion would be to not do that. Maybe try letting them each do their own thing, but make sure that they still interact with each other respectfully.

Your DH really needs to step up and start enforcing consequences for when his daughter is rude. He also should tell her that she does not have to like you or BD but she needs to treat you both with respect as human beings.

Stepinsanity's picture

Submitted by Stepinsanity on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 4:26pm

They do sleep in different rooms and my bd is 12. She actually plays more with ss11. But since he still likes to do more little little kid stuff, if she's wanting to do something older she will hang with sd14. They aren't forced to do things together and the church function was a youth meeting over falls creek which they both did attend. Church is the only thing that they do together outside of the home and sd and ss is only here everyother week so she's not had to spend all her time with my bio.

Stepinsanity's picture

Submitted by Stepinsanity on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 4:39pm

Lol. I do think I came to the root of the problem though. I just had a long talk with sd and even though bm and dh had been divorced for almost 2 years and separated for almost 3 she still feels that me and my bio are the reasons her parents aren't together now. I chalk this up to both dh and bm's fault. Bm for having dh constantly over to do honeydos and to visit the kids and dh for going along with it. This stopped after dh and I got together. So from a childs point of view the parents were still spending time together so they would eventually work things out and my family would be back together again. I tried to explain to her that neither of them wanted to be married to each other and my daughter and I being here didn't prevent them being together. That at the time that her parents got divorced my daughter and I didn't even know any of them so blaming us was like blaming a teacher when it was a kid who tore up the homework. Told her that if she felt like she had to be angry at someone for it then she should be angry at her parents because they were both equally to blame for the divorce. (In actuality it is the bm because she started cheating and just out of the blue one day told hd she didn't want to be married anymore)

Stepinsanity's picture

Submitted by Stepinsanity on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 5:12pm

I'm not banking on anything yet. I'm just glad that I finally do know the root of the problem. As I explained to dh, it's going to take more then just telling her because she's been told many times before but his actions up until after I moved in told her otherwise. At this point I might as well came in and broke up their marriage. I look that badly to sd.

Persephone's picture

Submitted by Persephone on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 5:16pm

[Bm for having dh constantly over to do honeydos and to visit the kids and dh for going along with it. This stopped after dh and I got together. So from a childs point of view...]

Hopefully your case is unique. I hate to be a bubble buster, but this may not be the child point of view... it may be BM's point of view PAS'd on to the kids.

My BM who cheated three times on DH had the pleasure of DH the rescuer... when I came along, that stopped. (Her boyfriends can fix the lawnmower, door, sink... you get the point.) BM lost her control. The skids saw DH everyday before and after school and 50/50. Yes kids to do want their parents together, but SOME BM's want control.

I do suggest reading the book Divorce Poison. Maybe your BM is not engaging in this behavior... but we all do at some point..even if naively. DH & BM's unresolved anger will hurt the kids more than they will ever imagine. And steps have to pick up after ALL of them...

mystiery's picture

Submitted by mystiery on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 4:36pm

I can understand why you would be upset that your SD did not help your BD get unstuck, but the bigger question to me is what in the world is a 12yo doing under a bunk bed to get stuck there to begin with?

Stepinsanity's picture

Submitted by Stepinsanity on Sun, 08/08/2010 - 5:09pm

Picture a blonde who is extremely smart has adhd and hardly any common sense and you have my bd lol. Some of the things she does baffles me but I have learned to not be so shocked anymore. At least it's never been anything too bad. Though I did have to saw through one of the parts on my glide rocker when she was 3 because I couldn't get her head our otherwise lol.