Almost Crossed the Line (I Think)
[edit] I've removed some information from the post for privacy reasons [edit]
Yesterday we pick up his daughter (10 years old). I come back at about 8pm, and Mr. Kate is asleep. There his daughter is, saying she hasn't had anything to eat all day.
I make her dinner.
Then I go wake Mr. Kate's @$$ up.
The reason that I'm going to a wedding by myself this weekend is because Mr. Kate says he hardly ever gets to see his daughter. His daughter wants to come over Saturday, so I'm out of luck. I've had enough of his guilt-tripping, and maybe its immature of me, but I decide to let him know what it feels like.
I say that if he wants her to come over, bare minimum he has to stay awake because he's not the only one who works. And by the way...grow the f*ck up.
After the yelling was over, he said that I was right-I've never seen him even get close to crying (well, except that time I accidentally smacked him in the balls with a belt...) but his voice started to crack. I don't regret anything that I said, and I didn't apologize for any of it. Its weird, but its like its taken this long for me to start seeing the kind of thing many of the steps here deal with every day-the guilt parenting, and the pawning off of skid responsibilities on steps.
I don't like it.
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It's a shame we don't have a
It's a shame we don't have a 'like' button. good for you. and lol at the belt in the balls
I won't go into details as to
I won't go into details as to why I was swinging a belt in his presence
, but lets just say that it would have been OK if he hadn't moved...
ahahahahaha.
ahahahahaha. }:)
Yup-he brings up the m-word
Yup-he brings up the m-word daily now.
I'm actually happy/relieved that I've reached the point where I feel like I'm seeing how bad things can get. Now I just have to decide what I can/should fix and what I can/should live with. I felt like the first few months I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Now I see the big stinky shoe.
I have to say my dh has NEVER
I have to say my dh has NEVER been that way at all. I am very luck. But also from the beginning I told him that I had 2 kids for a reason and I'm NOT Martha Stewart!! We do fight about bed time mainly b/c he thinks they are old enough to stay up till midnight and go to bed without anyone putting them to bed, only problem they have proven over and over they CAN NOT do that!
I'm sorry you having to go through that. I think if you stay on him he will get it b/c it sounds like it he starting to catch on.
My dh caught on when I went to bed early and left him with the boys to deal with for about a week! he he it worked!
Oh, I get the "deal with YOUR
Oh, I get the "deal with YOUR child" stuff quite frequently.
However, she is right. He is my child as much as he is hers. But ....... I get where you are comming from on the spouse not doing stuff until you get home thing.
I love the one where my bride will be in the kitchen then will walk in to the living room, sit down, then ask me to get her something to drink?????? :?
She was just in the kitchen and could have gotten her own drink.
But I guess that is marriage at some level.
Best regards.
I've tried pretty hard to
I've tried pretty hard to avoid saying things like 'she's not my daughter' etc. because if this is a long-term commitment, I will (and should) have some responsibility for her. Truthfully, I just really have no idea how much responsibility I should have.
If she were my biological child, I feel that I would have had an issue with last night, albeit a smaller one. I get along with her just fine-I would have done the crafts with her, BF or no BF, because I like arts and crafts and she'd just gotten a new kids' art set, and she just looked so lost carrying it around with no one to help her with it. That way it happened, though, I just felt used.
Sometimes I just feel like BF and BM (and her grandparents) 'deal with her' when its convenient for them, and the rest is my responsibility...no matter what my plans are, if I'm tired or not, and its just backwards...shouldn't biological parents and grandparents care more than the girlfriend whose been around for 5 months?
Ugh - the sleeping! I cant
Ugh - the sleeping! I cant stand it!! I hear ya sista! My DH's job is extremely physical as well, but I'm sorry, it's seasonal too - which means he works only about May thru Nov in Ohio. So if he's gotta work his butt off? too bad! He brings in ZERO income all winter...yes, when he's not working he takes over all the kid/house duties (which I LOVE) but just because he starts working does NOT mean that I have somehow started working less?? It's like he thinks I'M supposed to just Take Over ALL of the kid/house duties because he suddenly has to work?! (and these are OUR kids by the way!)
We seriously have dirty dishes piled in the sink that are starting to smell. Clean laundry is strewn about the couch because I barely I had time to wash, dry, and lay it out at midnight so we would all have clothes to wear all week, and everyone was ASLEEP in the bedrooms when the laundry became clean. So since *I* have not had any time to put any of it away...then there it sits!
Along with the cat litter boxes, the grocery shopping, managing the bills, the kids' activities schedules and what they need for each...I'm now doing it ALL while working full time (Imagine?!?!). Cooking and cleaning just simply arent getting done. My kids are asking to have sleepovers and I just scoff at the idea of ANYone setting foot in that house! We eat out almost every night.
Believe me...I do appreciate when he does most of it during Winter, but he is doing NOTHING ELSE?! Is it too much to ask to SPLIT it when we both work?? I mean...sometimes I think I'm the only one at work who, when leaving at the end of the workday, is just getting started on part 2! Everyone else sounds like they will go home and put their feet up til dinner.
And to have him in bed, snoring by 8pm...while I am up doing chores, getting the kids bathed and in bed, and making sure the bare minimum is ready for the next day, and I get to bed around 12:30-1:00am...we both get up about 6:15am....I just have no sympathy for how "tired" he is.
If I had to deal with HIS kid on top of it? No way. That would completely send me over the edge. I think you've been way patient and he's lucky you didnt blow a gasket sooner! Stick to your guns - and dont even consider marriage until you reconcile exactly what you're getting.