International travel with OURS kids but not SKIDS
DH and I would like to get a passport for our child to travel abroad. Older SD8 does not have a passport (probably never will due to BM wanting to take her out of the country as a toddler to meet a guy she met online, DH put a passport block notification on SD) We have 50/50 of SD. Has anyone else traveled with just "ours" kids? What have you told SKids since they can't go?
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In this case it is up to
In this case it is up to them. They are the ones preventing SD from getting a passport. So if they tell SD what you suggest and SD tells BM it will blow back on them.
We have only gone on "adult"
We have only gone on "adult" vacations without her. She knows she doesn't always get to go places and we talk about stuff we have done in front of her, we just want to be realistic basically "sometimes you go sometimes you don't" BS1 is still little and this would be a trip my family is planning on next year. BS isn't old enough to brag but I have neices and nephews close to SDs age that would be talking about it. And yes DH would be missing one week where she would have to stay with BM.
If this is some kind of
If this is some kind of "family reunion" type trip for your side of the family, then I can see not including her especially when your BIO with DH is only 1. It's not like the 1 year old is going to have "fun" on the trip. Your bio family is probably somewhat less interested in visiting with your SD as well.
I think in this case, it can be described as a boring old family thing for your side of the family.
It would be much different if you had other kids close to her age that were getting to go on a fun trip while she was excluded. Taking your DH and baby to a family reunion for your family would likely be a boring endeavor for the girl.
I don't see why you can't get
I don't see why you can't get the passport but retain it so that BM can't take her somewhere. Also, at 8, she is likely to be more able to give her dad a heads up if something like that occurs again. Maybe BM has grown up? (yeah I know hahahaha).
I personally think its' kind of tough when a kid sees one of their bio parents go off with the "new" family on a trip. I'm not sure how you can really put a great spin on it, especially since she is with you 50% of the time.
Both parents have to give
Both parents have to give permission to get a child a passport.
You also need a notarized form with travel dates, destination and length of time out of the country signed by the none traveling parent.
So if BM says no, then he can't get one on his own.
That's the other issue. I bet
That's the other issue. I bet BM wouldn't sign for one since DH wouldn't when SD was a toddler. Also if BM thinks we have a "better" vacation planned than what she could take her on, she wont sign. She's really into one-upmanship when it comes to these situations.
Is there still a danger of BM
Is there still a danger of BM trying to do a runner with SD? If not, I would suggest that your DH approach BM about getting SD a passport of her own, if you want you can even use it as a chance to get "international holidays" into the CO, in terms of 7 days being no problem but for additional holiday time to be requested in writing/email XX months before. Or whatever other things that will help DH feel more secure; address and contact number of where you would be staying for emergencies.
If your DH offers to get this sorted for SD but BM says no then you go ahead and get the passport for your shared child regardless, it just means that if/when SD asks why she cant come too then you can answer her honestly and say "BM doesnt feel comfortable with her going" or whatever excuse it is BM gives.
By now, with such established history it would be difficult and very stupid of BM to try to run with SD. She would be easily found and would risk the level of custody she has now.
That being said, even if both SD and "ours child" (sorry dont know if DD or DS) have passports it is still perfectly acceptable to go on some holidays without SD. Naturally you include SD when you are able but SD has two families that have the option of doing things with her, the ours children will only ever have you and DH.
"That being said, even if
"That being said, even if both SD and "ours child" (sorry dont know if DD or DS) have passports it is still perfectly acceptable to go on some holidays without SD. Naturally you include SD when you are able but SD has two families that have the option of doing things with her, the ours children will only ever have you and DH."
I don't really have a huge issue if there are occasional things that the SD wouldn't get to do but it seems like a big deal trip like an international trip would be one that I don't think she should miss. A trip to a nearby theme park or a camping trip isn't a big deal but a big (expensive) family experience? I wouldn't want to exclude. And, since she obviously doesn't have a passport, she isn't getting this from her BM either.
I totally get that, but the
I totally get that, but the reality is, even if SD has a passport, BM may have to sign off every time you use it to go abroad. BM may genuinely feel at this point that SD doesnt need a passport and BM may never agree with DH to get SD a passport. Could be out of spite for DH putting a block on, could be her changed personal belief that SD should be older, or could be that she would never afford to be able to travel internationally for holidays and is more concerned about outshining DH than what is enjoyable for SD.
What I am trying to say is there are hundreds of reasons why SD may never gain a passport but that shouldnt stop you from travelling with your bios. The only thing you can actually do is request it from BM and if BM refuses then its on BMs shoulders and you can honestly say to SD that you'd love to take her but BM wont agree to getting her a passport right now.
At this point I have no bios, but SD6 also has no passport. I have family abroad, so from day one I will be travelling (with DH and ours baby) but without SD6, be that for visiting family or family holidays. I refuse to put limitations on my life, DHs life and any future childrens lives because BM doesnt want SD to have a passport.
If BM is dead set against as passport then maybe that would be your compromise, family holiday abroad without SD but plan fun days or short breaks on time with SD over the rest of the year.
But never restrict the holiday or travel options of YOU and your children because of BM/SD issues, you will come to regret it.
We've traveled with just our
We've traveled with just our DD3. SD8 goes on lots of trips without us (she goes with BM and her husband), so I don't see anything wrong with us traveling without her. However, my SD only comes EOWE so it makes it more difficult to include her in everything we do.
SD gets kind of upset if she finds out we've got plans that don't include her, but such is life. She often says something snobby like, "Well *I* get to go to Costa Rica with Mommy and that's better than where you guys went anyway." So then I have no sympathy her.
Internationally you only need
Internationally you only need one parent's signature for their passport at the age of 16 or older. Domestically, you can travel with Skids no problem. Me and my SS4 are in Disney World now; first time flying and since all three of our last names are the same nobody even bothered to ask for papers for him. We plan to take him to Amsterdam when he's older and BM can't keep him here. We had a similar incident where BM threatened to take SS and never come back so when she asked for DH to sign for him a passport a year later (to go to the Bahamas to elope with babydaddy2 who's now her ex anyway) DH told her no. She threatened to get her lawyer to make a judge make him sign but DH just told her that he'd be more than happy to show the judge her text threatening to leave and never come back. We haven't heard anything since but if we get it, it'll just be something else to fight over so well just find domestic Vacation spots until 16. When SS asks me when I take BioBaby in the future I will just tell him the truth. He doesn't have a passport and you need passports to fly out of the country. When he asks me why can't he have one I'll tell him both his mom and his dad have to say yes and sign a permission form for him to go. State facts, don't project on who's at fault.
"State facts, don't project
"State facts, don't project on who's at fault."
You can never go wrong with this. Even when BM does blame DH and/or you, keep to the facts.