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Email from BM - "SMELL"

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 9:47am

Hey (DH),

I wanted to bring up an issue. I do not mean to offend you but every time I pick up the children or you drop them off after they've spent the weekend with you, they smell pretty bad and everything they have with them smells alike. Today it was so pungent, it made me feel sick smelling that strong odor driving home. I mean it is so bad everything down to their underwear just reeks of that odor. I am thinking you maybe should air out your place and try to deodorize it. They tell me you cook curry but I do too but I light xxx, open windows, and also leave all the doors locked....and I make sure to deodorize appropriately...(just some ideas that could help you). I haven't said anything until now because it is a touchy subject but today it was just AWFUL....I could barely stand it. It's like a drill when they come home from you....everything goes in the wash and then they get in the shower. Have a good evening.

Thanks,
BM

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Well, the kids don't bathe unless forced mostly, although SD has started bathing more often.
I'm not going to tell them to bathe, and DH isn't big on forcing them to bathe. They will be forced to if they have to go out, but if we're just home all weekend, DH doesn't push it. Many times, they're back to BM on Sun without a bath and even sometimes in the same clothes they came in on Fri. Not my problem really, and their smell clearly doesn't offend me and DH as much as it offends BM.

So nice of BM to assume that it's my home that's giving them the smell though. LOL. Seriously, woman? The smell of the house gets into their underwear?? LOL.

Comments

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:39am

LOL. Pleasant, huh?

"The kids smell, and it's because of your house, which your wife obviously doesn't deodorize. Have a good evening!" LOL

She does have a way with words right?

I DO tell the kids to brush, floss and use Listerine (because BM refuses to pay any portion of the dental bills and prevention is cheaper than cure), but I'm not going to make them bathe.

LaMareOssa's picture

Submitted by LaMareOssa on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 2:45pm

I agree with you SpunkiDoolittle2. She was very honest, but not bitchy. It's hard to sugarcoat something like that to avoid hurting feeling. I also agree that children need to bathe.

young stepmother of two's picture

Submitted by young stepmothe... on Sat, 02/05/2011 - 2:34am

IMHO, I was mortified to hear that your skids don't bath from Friday to Sunday evening. When BM drops the skids off at our house smelling dingy, with greasy hair and oily skin, it really hits a nerve. I can understand skipping a bath one night and taking one the following morning instead, but nothing more. Personally, I bathe every day. First thing in the morning. My skids bathe every day. Last thing before brushing teeth and going to bed. Yeah, sometimes I do NOT want to do bath time. Neither does DH. We are ready to put them to bed. That doesn't mean we say oh well screw it be smelly.

Not meaning to come on strong or offend you, but I don't see anything wrong with the e-mail. If I wasn't documenting every time the skids come over nasty or were wearing unsatisfactory clothing, I would send the same kind of e-mail to my skids BM. But I won't, because she's helping our case every time they come over looking like shit and smelling like it too. Picture is taken, date and time is written, and it is put away for the day she tries to do "non court binding giving full custody to DH until she finds a new man to move in with and then we can do 50/50 again" kind of deal.

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:01am

That's why I call my SS Stink...when his crunchy socks are left the the floor the puppy backs ups from them. This kid smell like rotten Hot Pockets, moldy White Castle Burgers mixed with dental decay.

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Sat, 02/05/2011 - 9:43am

LOL... I missed this one.

Luckily for me, my skids put their clothes in a dirty clothes basket AND do their own laundry!

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:27am

"Emergency Brat Anti-Stink Kit" .....please share!

I remember growing up then something got sprayed by a skunk, it buried in the backyard......enough said.

bruisedpeach's picture

Submitted by bruisedpeach on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:23am

When we pick up the skids they always reek of deep fried fat so badly I have to put their clothes in the washer and leave their coats in the car.
no joke. both BM and EXMIL love the deep fat fryer. :sick:

distorted reality's picture

Submitted by distorted reality on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:38am

You should send back an email stating how sorry you are that her kids 'smell.' Then politely explain that while you have begged for them to bathe and keep themselves clean, they simply refuse to do so. Then you might suggest that maybe she try to teach them a little proper personal hygiene since they just don't respond when you do. But, do this oh so, politely. }:)

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:47am

Hehe... the thing is, I know she teaches them about personal hygiene... she is a clean freak, a Drill Sargent when it comes to showering and smelling good, Bath & Body Works most loyal customer. I'm beginning to think maybe the kids don't bathe on purpose, to piss her off, because I can only imagine how she nags them about it at home! DH and I save our insisting for brushing teeth and doing school work, two areas in which BM is sorely lacking.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:53am

I have to agree that the kids should bathe. My stepkids always come to our house smelling like a cat box. It is really disgusting and it is quite embarassing for them when we ask them to leave their suitcases in the garage and direct them to the shower immediately. It really is an awful ride from their house to our house.

She WAS decent about it. I'm sure she was embarassed to have to mention it. I know my husband was when he told BM.

distorted reality's picture

Submitted by distorted reality on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 10:57am

Well, I think your only recourse is to sit the kids down and tell them that BM complained about the smell they carry and that b/c of this, you MUST insist that they bathe, change their clothes, etc. After all, they wouldn't want to disappoint their mother. Smile

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 11:13am

LOL.

Very interesting.

Then perhaps DH and I can twist it around and tell her that something over at her house just doesn't help them to do their school work, maybe she can see if the TV's too loud and it's bothering them, or if they're hungry and need snacks to be able to think better, because the grades they bring home are simply offensive!

And maybe she'll figure out that it's really that she needs to go over their HW with them everyday and teach them the concepts they learnt in school but don't quite understand and make sure she explains the meanings of vocabulary words they don't quite understand. And maybe then her only recourse would be to insist they do their schoolwork etc, because after all, they wouldn't want to disappoint their father, right?

LOL

Sorry eh. I went of on a tangent... but you're good! Smile

distorted reality's picture

Submitted by distorted reality on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 11:27am

Ya know.... you might be on to something there. Obviously you'll need to wait a little while since you don't want to be accused of being 'combative' or 'defensive' due to her email.

Seriously though. It appears that BM is not aware that the kids refuse to keep up with their personal hygiene while in your home. You may need to embarrass the little boogers in to bathing and changing their clothing, etc. Still, making her aware of this, puts her in the position of backing off about this 'smell' that offends her so much.

I don't think she was being polite at all. I think she was challenging the cleanliness of your home. Sooo... maybe challenging her about HW etc. will help her to understand the concept of helping her children and teach her to be a little more understanding? Just a thought. Smile

Timetogiveup's picture

Submitted by Timetogiveup on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 11:20am

Maybe we need to market the Step Mom's Outdoor Bio-hazard Wash Down Unit? The the top of the lone unit could include designer Haz-Mat suit and gloves for SM and the lower end model we throw a bag of clothes pins and rubber gloves.

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 1:39pm

What's she doing sniffing their underwear? I don't think the email was "polite" and I think it's out of line and down right bordering on racist if the food your cooking is your ethnic food. I'd tell her to teach her kids hygeine and that you don't enjoy smelling them either and I'd tell to keep her trap shut about your house.

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Sat, 02/05/2011 - 9:48am

LOL... ok ok, don't get too worked up!

Although I do believe that she's racist (one of those that considers herself brown and doesn't care for "black"), DH is doing the curry-cooking and and she liked him enough way back when, also she cooks it herself, so no racism there.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 5:55pm

I dont see how the op can write anything back. It is her dh's responsibility to make sure the kids are groomed at his home. If that is the reason for their stink then dh needs to take care of it. If there truly is no stink and she's just being bitchy ignore her. I think ss smells when he comes from bm's. He smells pretty strongly of smoke, and just an old musty smell, mixed in with a bit of urine. I wonder if we coud bottle that.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Submitted by Tx mommy of 3 on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 7:01pm

Ok, not bathing is gross. Idk how old your skids are but eiher dh needsto force them or they should be old enough to know better. If they are old enough, I would just print the email and stick it on the fridge. Hen tell the skids they must bathe at least once before going home. If they get mad then refer them to the email.

young stepmother of two's picture

Submitted by young stepmothe... on Sat, 02/05/2011 - 2:44am

Just a thought..

If any one of your skids BM's or BF's sent them to your home smelling so bad that you couldn't stand the smell in the car on the ride home, you would be furious. How could she do that? What a neglectful mother! They live in filth!

I'm not trying to be rude or combative, but you have to admit, there is a flip side.

And I have to agree, stepdown.. It is not Ok for anyone to smell bad. I understand if you can't help it, but being lazy is not an excuse. If your skids are still in school, and living in your home, you MAKE them bathe. IMO. No child in their right mind ever WANTS to take a bath. It is in the same category with a nap. I never wanted to when I was young. I wanted to keep watching TV or playing my game or whatever else I was doing.

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Sat, 02/05/2011 - 9:32am

And personally, I think you're right.

DH did ignore her.

Now, let's face it - everyone has different standards for everything.

The kids don't bathe sometimes and DH and I don't really get on them, unless they really need to esp if they're going out. Turns out, the weekend when the complaint from her came in, DH had taken them to the park for the first time ever to play basketball and dropped them off straight after. ANY parent would be able to tell that they were playing and sweaty etc. And I'm sure the kids told her what they were up to. She'd be pretty dumb not to be able to put 2&2 together, and she's not dumb, but just uses her brain for stupidness (IMO). Perhaps sweaty people aren't allowed in her car/house, but that's not a problem for us, we're living life and getting down and dirty and enjoying it..

Anyway, I certainly saw it as a crack at my house (veiled with tonnes of honeyed pleasantries just to make it seem nice, it's the modus operandi of 2-faced people). It's not the first crack at my house, it began when I invited her here, when she wanted to have a conference with DH & I regarding SD's behavior at her house and at school because she couldn't handle SD. Anyway, she can crack away all she wants. I will be the first to admit that my standards on cleaning are not on par with hers, she's super and I'm average. But as noted, people have different standards and different priorities. Her No. 1 priority is cleaning, so you know what, she wins, doesn't bother me or DH one bit, but she seems to think that it should bother DH because he lived with her, and her level of cleanliness, for so many years. Really, I just have to laugh at her. I value other things more - learning, parenting, cooking, exercise, hard work. And that's why my 1 year reads more than her 2 kids do, why I'm fit and healthy, why I'm more successful than she is. And DH certainly appreciates that I'm here to be a different kind of influence to his kids.

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Sat, 02/05/2011 - 10:09am

Oh, and before we moved to our own place, the cracks were directed at the house in which we lived, i.e. my in-laws' house. Yup. But instead of direct email, her sister reported to my MIL what she said.