So had another chat with DH and this is what I get:

1. He doesn't want to make waves with BM because BM's dad has very powerful lawyer friends who can make our life a living hell if he tries to do anything she doesn't want. He thinks he can make waves with her only after his legal obligation is over and they both are over 18, FIVE more years!

and

2. DH WANTS to be available to BM 24/7 in order to do his duty and be a father to the kids. So if she calls him at midnight for "normal everyday problems", he's cool with that since in his mind it is about the kids. He WANTS to help discipline the kids in HER house.

3. He wants me to believe that he doesn't care about BM but he wants to be on great terms with her so that he and she can parent the kids in her house.

UPDATE

Doesn't he sound like ex-husband of the year? I mean, sounds like he wins the Divorced Dad trophy!

So maybe if we get divorced it won't be half bad? Hmmmmm...