I am so happy to post something happy!
FH and I have had the hardest 6 or so months since we got engaged. Our dating life changed (of course), to trying to create a family. Many of you have seen my posts about his permissive/guilt parenting, SS10 has been his "partner" for 8 or so years before me, etc.
FINALLY-- a great, great, weekend together. We truly have been doing nothing buy fighting for many months, barring 10 days together away without SS in January. But once we were back, it was all back to the same terrible and destructive patterns.
We had this phone call last Thursday while I was driving home from working out of town and for the first time when it got nasty, just stopped, took some deep breathes, and tried to figure it out without judgment. Then we had an amazing therapy session on Friday-- I feel such gratitude for us to have found the therapist we did (at the end of this I'll give the name of the person whose "system" we worked on with our therapist). And this past weekend-- not to say there were not moments of conflict between FH and me-- but we did the work our therapist talked to us about, slowed down, and paid such close attention to how we communicated; FH paid such good attention all weekend to both being attentive to his son, and to me, offering me affection and appreciation IN FRONT OF HIS SON, and for me- remembering to step forward a bit in those moments when maybe I used to shut myself off from SS and FH. And it was so nice! So different...again, not without a few moments where there was tension, lack of ease, etc. But just so nice.
Is a relief. And gives me such hope that with both of us giving our relationship and our communication the attention it needs and deserves, this is possible.
Here is a link to John Gottman's webiste-- his research is guiding the communication practice that FH and I are engaged in. And my sister, who is a therapist, also believe really strongly in Gottman's methods. I know FH and I have lots of continued focus to apply to us and our relationship, but for the first time in a long time I feel that it is possible.