I don't get it-- do any of your FH or DH submit to/accept so much from their exes?
My FH has opened up very slowly about his marriage- the ex was and is still emotionally abusive to him, and is emotionally manipulative to him and their son (they each have 50% physical custody). He submits to her manipulations almost always (he did not recently when she demanded me move about 40 miles away so their son could switch school districts). He is afraid of her and stammers when she starts lecturing, blaming, and treating him like a 10 year old. He also claims to hate her, yet always finds a reason to excuse the way she treats him (e.g. "I invite it from her," "I wasn't clear with her," "I just wanted to get off the phone," etc.).
FH also will allow her to treat him so poorly and then get on the phone and bull-XXXX with her, talk in kind ways about their son, etc. It makes me sick and feel so sad when I hear it! And, I feel further sadness and hurt when he gets angry with me- today for example b/c he was stressed, she left him yelling voice-mail messages, and she wasn't at home when he went to pick up his son. I had left him a voicemail he didn't hear asking him to come in our apartment quietly b/c I'd be napping, so he startled me, woke me up, and I raced out of our room and had no idea what was going on. This was after I spent part of my day driving to our storage unit so I could get camping gear out so he could take his son on a 1-night camping trip, after I spent my spring break being here so that he, his son and I could have family time, I spent 3 days with his son while he worked so that he didn't have to ask his ex. to have him extra days (I haven't seen my own parents in almost a year).
He got angry with ME when I rushed out of our room startled and upset. Yet after hearing her 3 nasty voicemails, after letting her yell at him on the phone, he chit-chatted with her about the "great adventure" he and his son would have tonight camping, etc. And he excused it b/c he said he wanted her to drive their son over here and by accepting her nastiness and being nice back he got that. But I had to accept his anger and nastiness. And I don't want to anymore.
It makes me so sad-- for me. And so sick for him! How/why does he accept this from her? She is abusive and they chit-chat? I do not get it...