BM can initiate contact with ME but I can't with her. Oh that's right -- HER game, HER rules.
A few weeks ago BM blew up because I was emailing her giving her a heads up that we MAY ask her to switch some days with us. Since I'm at work at a computer all day and FDH is on his feet with customers it just made more sense for ME to email her than to wait for FDH to have time to contact her. She freaked out that I was contacting her regarding the skids even though it was something FDH and I had already agreed to talk to her about.
So fast forward to this week. BM emailed ME asking me all these questions about the skids' gymnastics class. To back-track a little bit, I signed them up last week and we got it okay'd by the gymnastics director to pay half the session fee since we were only taking them every other week on our weeks (BM has repeatedly lied about signing them up over the past year and then she never would, her excuse once was that the class goes too late for a school year -- mind you the class is for 5 year olds so obviously other kids are there until 7:30). We informed BM that we are taking the skids on our weeks because WE want them in it, and that if she wants to actually take them on her weeks, she can let us know and pay the other half. She wrote back saying that now that it's the school year she's okay with taking them, and that she will pay. (so now her excuse is that it is the school year so it's ok?).
HOORAY! FINALLY...after a year of trying to get the kids in activities but never ending up doing it because we were on such a weird schedule we were always going to be at BM's mercy to also take them...finally the skids are in gymnastics again. AND BM is paying for it. Woohoo!
So after all that happened FDH explained to her that the gymanstics center needs the payment ASAP as the classes start this week, to make sure their spot is held. She said okay.
Then this week, the day gymnastics class started, she emails ME and asks me
A) Can I just bring in the money when I bring the kids?
Should I call them and ask them if there is still space in the class for the kids?
C) How do I get a registration form?
D) Do they have registration forms there?
OMG...I have to seriously frickin hold your hand, BM??? They've been to this gymnastics place before...not like it's a totally new place for BM. I gave her their website, their phone number, etc.
So here's my question...Does she finally "get it" that I'm more of the schedule-keeper between me and FDH? Does she finally understand that it's okay to email ME about things that I would probably know, rather than calling FDH and having him ask me? Hmmm...
I have a hard time believing that...as I'm sure if I were to email her something and initiate she'd be a royal snot to me. Should I test out my theory? }:)
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I would leave all
I would leave all communication to him. No matter what you do it will be wrong in her eyes and overstepping. You can't win here. I guarantee if you sent an email asking or telling something, she would flip out again.
DH and I have an email
DH and I have an email account that we use for school, and absent parents. BM objected to this, blocked it for a while at first (had an auto reply), but finally started accepting the emails when we would email her from the joint account, it would bounce back, and I'd email her from one of my email accounts because DH was not able to get in touch with her though the account we asked her to use, and we had requested that she no longer use DH's work email-and he would not reply to her from his work email.
Now, she sends most of her email inquiries to both our joint account, and DH's work account. DH never sends from his work email. She will forget to add Dh's work email occasionally, and sends a message only to joint account.
Point is, we gave her a working email to use, and she needs to use it. It took time, but now it's working. She knows it's a joint account, and she knows there is no way for her to know whether he wrote it or I wrote it for him, but he has told her that whatever comes from this email addy to her, is from him, even if I'm the one who typed it. Basically told her to get over it.
Leaving him to be the only one communicating iwth her sounds good in theory, but is just not practical. I'm the custodial Stepparent, I do school, doc, dentist, take care of sick kids.... so it only makes sense that she get first hand info, if she wants it that bad, rather than going the long route.
Yeah we have a joint email
Yeah we have a joint email too so now instead of signing my name I sign FDH's -- like last week explaining the gymnsatics thing and what class we signed them up for.
If she's smart she'll know it's me anyway, but she pretends it's Jeff so I'll just let her.
Rae Rae - I am home all day
Rae Rae - I am home all day working and for all intensive purposes would be the one handling some things. But, communication with the BM is not one of them. I have only had maybe 5 conversations with her in 6 years. Three emails and that is it. The Dad's married them and they can communicate with them. I do not have to. If he doesn't want to clue her in on things, it is up to him. We have 50/50 so there is some need to communicate, but very rarely...
When they had 50/50, it was
When they had 50/50, it was the same here. But now that we have full custody, I'm doing most of the things for the kids, so... I just type and sign. It's easier on DH and me both that way.