Hate letting BM get away with her lies!
So we've agreed to have a meeting next week with BM. And DH and BM had a "good" conversation the other night. Then DH and I had a conversation where we got a few things out that we both needed to say about everything. DH is still gone for work and he comes back really late tonight. So after all of that, I felt like I should try to work and be more cooperative about BM things.
So the other night, BM asks DH to ask me if I can watch the skids Thursday night (tonight). What bugs me about that part is that BM can't just ask ME personally -- she has my email, she can text me, etc. She makes DH do it....she must think if it coems from him asking me I will be more likely to do it? DH asked her what's going on that she needs someone to watch the skids and she said "I just have a ton of stuff to do around the house." DH told her, "SteppingUp will probably have no problem taking SS4 if that'll help." She said no, that she needs both kids gone.
Right away when he told me this I called BS. She won't have the skids all weekend, it's not like she can't get house stuff done then.
So it was up to me to email BM and contact her about whether I could take the skids (DH's phone died). So I wrote her that I made plans for Thurs night after she told me (DH) on Monday that she won't let me have SS4 this week. But I said if it helps to bring them over at bed time she can drop them off then. (I was trying to be cooperative...I know I know...shoulda just said NO). She responds "Yeah I have a going away party to go to and it starts at 8 so if I can drop them around then let me know, thx". So she DID lie to DH!! And thought that he hadn't told me her lie!
Then I remembered that DH needs me to pick him and his coworker up at the airport at 11. So I write her back and tell BM that I just remembered it won't work because I'm not about to wake up Baby, SS4 and SD6 and stuff them in the car and go get DH and then his friend won't fit...so it won't work. I said "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you to have the night off."
Of course I had to look at her facebook to see if she's talking about this going away party. NOPE! Some guy wrote her that he's in town and wants to get together. But get THIS: She wrote him back that she's "FREE" Thursday through Sunday -- This was 2 hours before I even emailed her anything! So now I'm thinking she also lied about the going away party (she is the type that posts her plans constantly) because of course it would sound bad if she said to me "Well this guy I want to hook up with is in town".
So last night after she for sure knew I couldn't/wouldn't take the skids, I also saw her comment to someone else that she is still going out tonight. So she must have had something worked out either way, whether I would take the skids or not. And why would she ask ME first??? OH WAIT, SHE USES ME AS A FREE BABYSITTER. God forbid she miss a night out at the bar!
We're wondering who the skids will be with tonight....
The part that really bothers me about all of this is there's a part of me that feels bad that the skids will be with a sitter instead of at our house. But at the time I thought BM would just have to suck it up, and stay home with her kids. I should have known she wouldn't do that. I just have a really hard time letting her "get away" with her lies....but then again, she gets her night out anyway, doesn't she? *sigh*
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my answer would be no each
my answer would be no each and every time. and my dh would be telling her no before even speaking to me because i ALWAYS have alot going on but always managed to take care of my own kids at the same time.
Yes, the lying stinks. Side
Yes, the lying stinks.
Side note: before you beat yourself up too much about SS being with a babysitter instead of you...please remember that plenty of kids in intact families are babysat when both parents are busy.
Thank you. I will definitely
Thank you. I will definitely keep that in mind....this is the part that kills DH mostly and the reason why I feel more guilty about it.
I agree with allgirls. Don't
I agree with allgirls. Don't concern yourself with BM any longer. No need to wonder what she's up to, no need to view her FB, no need to try to catch her in lies, no need for you to decide if her need for a sitter is worthy. Let it go!
You decide based on YOUR plans whether you'd like to sit. And IMO, you should never agree to watch her kids unless she asks you personally. Next time she asks your DH if you can sit, he should tell her, "I don't know, you'll have to ask HER."
You need to stop all
You need to stop all communication with her. You did not marry her, he did. Let him handle everything. And if DH is not in the house, then neither are the stepkids. And especially the SD since she is not his anyway and has a father who wants her. You need to seriously step back from this woman and her lies and manipulation.
..And if DH is not in the
..And if DH is not in the house, then neither are the stepkids
agreed! There have been many times that DH could have gone to a friends and played cards or just gone to a friends and hung out, but then had to cancel because SS called and wanted to come over. DH knows better than to leave him with me. SS is not there to have visitation with me, I am not his parent and I am certainly not a babysitter for DH and BM.
I know you are just trying to be nice and keep the peace by accommodating her, but case in point, she is trying to walk all over you just like she does your DH and SDs Bio Dad. This woman doesn't care who she uses, as long as she gets to do what SHE wants, when she wants. I would put a screeching halt to this nonsense pronto. You're DH should have told her no, when she called. He should not have even asked you, making YOU feel guilty for saying no.
This is exactly the nonsense you need to address with her at this little meet and greet coming up!
this chick would never give
this chick would never give up her CS... she's got the life! She has kids less than 1/2 the month and gets her CS $ to be the town bar fly, get her nails and hair done... no way will BM be giving up the Gravy Train she is on anytime soon. Pigs would have to fly out of her ass first.
Hey everybody! GUESS WHAT? BM
Hey everybody! GUESS WHAT? BM didn't go out last night after all....so this means poor poor BM had to stay home with her kids. I feel soooo bad for her.
This is literally the FIRST time EVER that she hasn't gotten what she wanted especially after she lies about stuff. She always seems to "get away" with her lies.
Thank you everyone for all your words of encouragement....they are really making me think hard about this situation and the things I need to sit down and talk to DH about and I'm realy double-guessing the need for this "meeting" coming up. I'll be having a long talk with DH this weekend about everything.
DH was a little upset this morning that I didn't take the kids for her last night. He is looking at the situation from this perspective: the kids would rather be with me, which is a good thing, so why would I purposely make them go to a babysitter's house when it is better for them to be with me. He is looking at it as what's best for the kids (which is the part that makes me feel guilty) but I'm looking at it from a "hell no i'm not babysitting BM's kids for her so she can go to a bar!" perspective.
We both probably need to give a little in these areas...