OMG, it's amazing that your thoughts went automatically to how you were going to have to share your baby. It's probably because we have to share EVERY part of ourselves... our privacy, our homes, everything.

NOT WITH THIS CHILD.

Contests! I had a baby boy 2 months ago..so happy that I don't have to share!

I remember the night I had my DD5 and my thought was I don't have to give her to anyone in the whole world and that this beautiful and perfect baby was mine and no one could hold her unless I said so and I always wanted a baby and used to hate to hand back babies to my friends and when my daughter was born my thoughts were she is mine and I get to keep her. BM never entered my thoughts - SS did because he came into my room the second day and starting playing with the bed and raising it as high as it would go with us in it and just being a pain in the A**!!

Congratulations!
btw, i had an epiphany recently that is somewhat similar...
i realized that when i first met fdh and had my baby craziness
(i wanted one! BAD!)
and then found out this may not be possible
(i have on ovary and the other is constantly covered in cysts/twisting)...
in any case,
my epiphany was that the reason i wanted a baby so badly was because i wanted ANYTHING for my own
..that i wouldn't have to share with bm...i mean, i'm sharing my ss2, my fdh, my LIFE, my time (a great deal of it), money, and so on
(you know the deal)

I really appreciate having found this board tonight and for the stories you are sharing about your experiences. It is really helping me. I am six and half months preggo with first child. My mother in law is throwing a baby shower for me tomorrow and SD15 doesn't want to come, even though her grandmother and the entire family insist. I feel like she is emotionally confronted by the new baby coming, who happens to be the only boy to come into the family. SD is one of six girls in the family of children/nieces -- all my husband's relations.

Anyway, since I started showing, she's done a 180 degree turnabout and is nasty toward my husband on her weekend visits. She just ignores me or answers with one word. I can barely stand to watch. BM has engaged in alienation for so many years between SD and my husband that now things are impossible.

Being a step mom is one of the worst experiences of my life. I feel like it is death by a thousand cuts -- no matter that I love her. It is not enough to love her -- witnessing all of the animosity stresses me out. All I can think about is having this baby and moving our family many states away back to my family, who love us unconditionally. Then, I feel guilty that I am orchestrating a move that takes my husband away from my SD. I feel like she doesn't care anyway -- she constantly calls to get out of her weekend visits. She might as well fly to us and stay for a couple of weeks a year, since that's about what the visitations add up to now that she's 15 and always calling to get out of the visits.

I do feel like I won't have to ever deal with this when my baby is born. And, I feel really grateful for this. At one time, I thought I was just marrying the man I loved. I had no idea that a small universe of people would turn me into this stepmom-thing and treat me so terribly (BM, BGM, etc.). I'm over it, or at least trying to get over it fully.

I wish everyone peace of mind -- and continued encouragement. I am still the cool, funny, smart woman I was before I became a SM. I find the most challenging thing is to not allow this imposition of attitudes from BM and SD to impact me. If I did not love SD, everyone would think I'm a monster. If I do love the SD, well, how dare I! So, it's a catch 22 and now I'm realizing that the only thing I can do is love my baby and do my best to keep my marriage alive so that he never has to go through what SD is clearly struggling with.

Such a great post. Funny. I can't wait until I have that control. I know that I'm supposed to let SO have say in parenting right. but... I don't always like what he does with his kids, I want more control over ours.