SD6 wants to get naked with a boy. BM is mad at Daycare and us for being upset about this?
I am supposed to not let BM bother me so much. But after yesterday I can't help it. Here's my vent about the idiocy that is BM.
Friday, Daycare (I'm going to call her Ruth) pulled me aside and said that SS4 was told by SD6 that she wants to "make out with Boy and get naked with him in my bed". (Boy is an 8 year old who used to go to Ruth's but no longer there, only occassionally). Earlier this summer, Ruth also caught SD6 directing the other children at her house to show each other their private parts (there is a 2 and 4 year old girl, my baby, and SS4 there).
Ruth says she's very worried about SD6 and "whatever is influencing her" and isn't sure she will accept her anymore at her daycare when BM needs her. FDH and I discussed it this weekend (SD6 was with her biodad so we couldn't confront her about it), and we decided the best thing would probably be to "shame" SD about it. Make her a little embarrassed and see what happens so hopefully it won't happen again.
BM was on a vacation all weekend so we knew that Ruth hadn't spoken to her yet, we agreed it would be better to let them handle it together and talk later in the week. However, at the drop off for SS4 yesterday, the subject came up because FDH told her they need to have a serious talk this week (about other concerns too). BM bugged him until he told her.
SD6 and SS4 were standing right there and FDH asked SD6 what she was doing saying stuff like that? SD6 said, "I HATE Ruth. I'm not going there anymore ANYWAY." and what did BM do??? She said, "Yeah, Ruth is just an old bag. Daughter would never say anything like that." So thus began Team BM/SD6 versus Team FDH.
FDH yelled at SD6 for saying she hates someone and for saying that about someone who has been so good to her and her brother. He told her that just because Ruth makes her mind her manners doesn't mean she's a bad person.
Again, BM said "Ruth has always had it out for Daughter...you know how Daughter has had a hard time at every daycare." (Um you think that might be a common theme that is related more to your daugther than the daycare people?????????? of course not! That would make BM look like a bad parent!)
By this point, BM and FDH had taken the matter into the hallway since it was obviously turning into an argument. BM refused to even offer support or an attempt at coparenting, she just goes on the defense about how it's all Ruth's fault because she's just an "old bag" with old school rules and expectations of kids. (FYI, we absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Ruth and how she raises kids, and we are so glad to have her for our baby to grow up with. Yes she is "older" as in 60's). BM said that she's going to give Ruth a piece of her mind today. Wow. Blame it all on Ruth that your kid is talking about sexual things with younger kids????????????? ARG!!!
FDH said that he could hear the kids listening at the door, and then BM started swearing at him and calling HIM names! WTF? So they opened the door and teh skids scattered.
BM said to him, "Oh you are always thinking things are wrong with the kids and they a re just normal kids!! They're just like me and my brother were at that age."
FDH said, "If there is someone I do NOT want my kids turning out like, it's YOU and your BROTHER." And she slammed the door in his face.
I can see this all leading to Ruth kicking oout both skids from her daycare. It wouldn't surprise me. Happened twice before. And every time BM blames the daycare.
___________________
Let me add here for those that follow the story. I know some of you will ask why are we getting involved with SD6 like this when she's not FDH's kid...but it's because we are still parenting her 10 days a month. Nothing has changed with our visitation with her. Therefore we are concerned about what she is telling SS4 and what kind of influences she will have on our son. If we are involved as her parents on one hand we will be involved in all areas.
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Comments
What a mess. So... instead
What a mess.
So... instead of shaming SD, can you just talk to her? Ask her why she says those things? Where she's heard it before?
When my DD was 6, she got hauled into the school office for singing a song about having sex with a boy. They were all "freaked" out about it.
Then I asked her to tell me what sex was, and she just had a blank look and said, "I don't know..."
I asked her what she said that. She said a 6th grader had dared her to sing that song, so she did.
Haha!
I know....little kids do that
I know....little kids do that stuff. I get that. But it should be addressed by a parent, not allowed to happen and blame someone else for it, all right in front of hte kid.
I totally agree. That was
I totally agree.
That was flat out wrong of BM.
I wonder how BM is going to
I wonder how BM is going to feel when SD is pregnant by age 12. Sheesh, it's so sad how many people put themselves before their kids. We don't have skids, we have little mini BM's.
Yup. FDH said yesterday, "You
Yup. FDH said yesterday, "You know the phrase ' some people's kids'? It's not hte kids, it's their parents!"
I said yes...if that's one thing I learned being a teacher it is exactly that. Rarely are kids idiotic without an idiotic parent standing behind them every step of the way.
UPDATE!!! Her facebook status
UPDATE!!!
Her facebook status three hours ago, which would be after she tlaked to Ruth. "Gettin REALLY tired of bein judged for bein a single mother...if its not an issue for me why the hell is it for u????"
So she doesn't see how this is a problem for daycare. Ruth has other/younger children there. What happens when the other little girls go home and tell their parents what SD is saying? That puts Ruth in a bad situation. And go ahead, BM, play the single mother card so you get some sympathy! This has nothing to do with you being a single mother, it has to do with you being a SHITTY mother who just lets your kids the show!
This might be more of a
This might be more of a problem because of the type of daycare. When my daughter was 4 she attended a preschool at the local college, where I went to school. She engaged in some exploring with a 4 year old boy, under the table. Because the teachers were very well trained, they knew how to deal with it. They called the parents of both kids that were involved to let us know what happened, and to let us know this was normal and they did not see it as a problem. The whole class did a couple of days of talking and reading about our bodies ( in general terms) and what kind of touching is ok and all that. No one was shamed, the kids were watched closely and this did not happen again. I think many backyard chilcare places are not equipped enough to deal with this kind of situation.
Yes! This^
Yes! This^
Oh I totally agree with you.
Oh I totally agree with you. I do think there is not a problem with this as it's natural and that Ruth probably wouldn't have handled it hte same as a daycare center would have.
She sounds just like the
She sounds just like the Behemoth (BM) and VD (SD stb 13)!!
Behemoth plays herself off as professional victim/single all american soccer MOTY/church lady/phoenix who has risen from the ashes of divorce. . . YET. . .
VD was overly sexually precocious at a very young age. Running around the house naked pushing her "boobie" together and screaming "look at my boobies!!!" I caught her playing doctor with Prince Hygiene at age 6; PH is four years younger than she, etc, etc.
The Behemoth is a piss poor parent who likes to pawn off her terribly raised children on everyone UNLESS someone important (friends/family) is looking on. She blames all the teachers; blamed ALL the daycare providers and had VD classified as "learning disabled" when it was really "failure to put a parental foot up children's ass."
She's even been allowed to foster two more children so that's a total of five that she's currently ruining for life.
Ohhhhhhh my. Yes, SD6 has
Ohhhhhhh my.
Yes, SD6 has been concerned about whether she'll get small or big boobs.
VD's BM, the Behemoth has big
VD's BM, the Behemoth has big EVERYTHING!!
My FDH had a similar thing
My FDH had a similar thing going on with his daughter she is 4 and play with her special parts every chance she gets and tells everyone she sees about them. It is embarrassing walking into a store and she starts rambling off about playing with it. I had one woman tell me that I needed to "teach her how to act in public what kind of mother was I" when we brought it up to BM she laughed it off saying that she is just 4. Yea she is 4 and I haven't known a lot of 4 years to be obsessed with it like she is, it doesn't help that BM and her boyfriend were sleeping together in the same room as the girls in the same bed.
Ok this is not normal
Ok this is not normal behavior I'm talking about your sd and the bm. Kids will be curious. My youngest fondled herself when she was little, she was 2, she was taken aside by me and told to do that in her room not in public, I didn't shame her, I was concerned as to why she was doing it, found out she was imitating her cousin who was doing it do to an infection. Anyhow, your sd wanting to get naked with boys? at 6? she definetly is being exposed to bad influences.
Bm is not acting normal. The
Bm is not acting normal. The six year old is. It is early..but normal. The last thing this family needs is to be told that this is not normal. If there is more to the story, that is different, but what we heard so far is normal. We are not talking about weird, kinky, hurting, forcing, objects, animals here. We are talking about a girl wanting to be naked with a boy. We are sexual beings and that starts early. Don't get me wrong, I don't advocate just letting them do whatever at this age, not at all. The greatest danger is that this girl may express this to either an older boy or one that knows what two naked people do, and that would be bad. At this point, best strategy is not to make a big deal out of it, talk to the kids about their bodies and how things are private.
BM is a different story; sorry you have to deal with a wacko!!