O/T: question about inheritence....
My DH and I were talking about when my gma and gpa pass on, that people will probably fight over stuff. I brought up their house. I have practically grown up in this house and it has always been the place that I have felt at home. This is the conversation
ME: What if my granny left me the house?
DH: I dont want it.
Me: Why?
DH: It isnt mine, as in there is nothing in there that would have my "signature" on it. Like nothing that I have done, it ill always be "their" house.
Me: But I LOVE that house.
DH: Remember the blue house? well that was like home to me, if I could have that house again I would.
(the blue house is the one he had when he was married to MMM, and it was something SHE wanted)
Me: But, it wouldn't be MINE, it will always feel like HERS.
DH: *blink blink*
Me: I think that if they left me the house, then I should take it, because THEY wanted me to have it.
He thinks I'm wrong and that if they did leave it to me I should just give it away to someone else in the family.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Comments
Well thats definately pot and
Well thats definately pot and kettle aint it :?
My granny's house is
My granny's house is beautiful! ! Completely redone. 5 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, 2 living room, basement, attic, garage with attic.
My two cents...if DH doesnt
My two cents...if DH doesnt want it then you can still keep it. Rent it out if you must. These days, no matter how hard you try, relationships don't always last, especially when 2nd marriages and step children are involved . If you rent it, at least you will always own it if you ever need it (especially since you love it)!
Exactly, I never lived there
Exactly, I never lived there with my ex.
Your grandparents are still
Your grandparents are still alive. They aren't likely to die at the same time. When one of them dies, the house will remain with the surviving spouse. It could be another 20 years before the spouse dies. Then it will most likely pass to their children. The likelihood that you will get the house is small. Your husband is not rejecting a real opportunity to live in your grandparents' house.
He is, however, voicing his preference for a house in which he has had life experiences over a house in which you have had them. He seems to think that his experiences trump yours and that "his" house is automatically a better choice. What makes it worse is that "his" house comes with the ghost of his ex-wife. Based on your reply to sap, you recognize that this is the real problem.
Aside from his preeminence and his insensitivity to your feelings, he is being shortsighted. Any house is an asset and should never be rejected or given away because it hasn't been "signed". The blue house didn't have his signature until he lived there. He could easily mark his new territory by renovating and updating. Moreover, your shared experiences in it would make it "your" house together.
His comments say less about your grandparents' house than they say about his perception of himself and your relative status in the relationship (and about his intelligence). It was a very telling conversation. You are right to be upset about it, and for the right reasons. It's a red flag.
On the one hand, your DH
On the one hand, your DH sounds like he wants you to remain dependent on him and he has a problem at the idea that you could possibly be separate. This is the red flags that went up in my head as I thought this.
BUT
I had a similar conversation with FDH about his mother's house and his brother his brother's wife (who are very... umm.. materialistic.) They keep laying claims to their mother's things while their mom is still alive. ("remember whose the good son." and "wouldn't this set look darling at our place?")
Given that my family's net worth outstrips theirs by a bundle (even if we halve it between me and my younger sister), I told FDH if it's too much trouble, don't fight them for it. They can be greedy if they want. If his mom leaves it to him though, then that's a different story--I'd have him take it (or if his brother wants it, he can buy the share from him.)