Braces
Braces always seem to be a hot topic and it has made me curious. I want to say that first off when I was married to the loon I was the one who paid our portion of the oldest step son. His teeth were pretty jacked up and it was the type of process that required expanders and all that great stuff. To be honest the ortho BM used only charged about 3K for the process and Loon;s insurance paid 1500 so we just had to split the other 1500 with BM. Not bad really IMO and the boy has a beautiful smile.
The younger SS needed braces after we divorced because of misalignment that will basically will grind down his teeth. Now cosmetically they don't look bad but because of the misalignment will cause problems for the boy down the road. Now BM has never had a raise in CS in 11 years, never asked for extra's an has covered the boys insurance even though loon was supposed to except for several years they were on mine and I paid for it. She is not a gold digger in the least. Loon refused to pay his 2K this time ( BM doesn't have great dental but Loon doesn't carry the kids) because he doesn't deem them necessary because in his words " It is not like the kid is going to be a news caster or anything like that". and refuses to pay her and she basically just gave up and is paying it all herself. She used the same ortho she & the oldest used and he is also the guy my dentist recomends.
Our BS is 9, his teeth are just like mine were as a child straight, a bit buck but with large spaces so I guess that would be considered cosmetic in a lot of peoples eyes. My parents were poor and my dentist did my braces and my dad built his basement to pay for it, and I am so thankful he did. Ex has started in on BS that e doesn't ever want hi to have braces that e wants him to have a little gap just like he does ( moron has not been to the dentist in about 11 years). BS has more than a gap in the middle and has been asking me about braces because he thinks his teeth are ugly. If we were still married I know we would be getting braces done ( mainly because I would push for it). I have good dental, they will pay $1500.00 plus I have another 1500.00 put away already in HSA for it. The dentist gave me a referral last time because they do them younger now because things move better. Believe me I will make that kid wear a retainer for life if needed.
I know my ex will not pay and may even try and block me from doing it. It would be great if he paid his 40% but if that means BS can't get them I will pay it all. He is a smart kid and lets face it in this world people judge you for physical appearance. I want him to be a successful happy adult and feel this is important so I am willing to just pay it all.
So the question is to all the women out there is this. If you were the step mom in my senerio would you think I was just after my ex for money or being controlling or feel like my child really didn't need this? When I was a step mom there was no question the oldest child who I alone paid for the braces out of my pre marriage savings needed the braces because his teeth were bad, but Loon on his own would have fought it to the bitter end because he only likes to spend his money on him. Our decree says he is responsible for 40% and we have joint legal but I am pretty sure if I tell him I am just going to pay for it he will not say anything and let me do it. It sucks because financially he gets off pretty easy with our kid. I pay for the majority of things and am okay with that. I drive a 10 year old car and will be for several more years while he has bought 2 new cars in 3 years because there is no one telling him that is not fiscally responsible.
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Comments
Foxie makes an excellent
Foxie makes an excellent point. Why engage with your high conflict asshole ex when you know what his attitude will be? You've already covered his share of health insurance increases in order to avoid conflict. Get your son the braces, and then go after what is owed.
As a SM of a SS who needs
As a SM of a SS who needs braces, no I don't think it's too much to ask. I know my husband will have to pay for my SS 100% and I don't mind at all. The kid has enough problems without teeth thrown in too.
As a SM with 2 step kids who
As a SM with 2 step kids who will probably need braces (one necessary and one cosmetic), I would not see you as greedy. I'd see him (dad) as a selfish idiot.
As an adult with a gap between my front teeth (a la Madonna) who turned down cosmetic braces as a kid, please ignore the idiot dad. I wish with everything in me that I could afford braces for myself. My parents gave me the option as a kid, but I didn't think it was such a big deal then. I wish they had made me get braces because I hate seeing my smile.
I think it depends. If I were
I think it depends. If I were the stepmom I would see how he paid for his eldest with your help, refused to pay for the second and now that his third has the option for braces, I would see it as my husband/SO is slacking and you, the Bm, just want the same for your kid as you and your ex gave for his kid. In situations like these, I like to decide based on what would have happened if the Ex and SO were still together. It would have happened if y'all were together, so it will happen even though y'all are separated but because your Ex didnt really pay for his first son's (you paid for most of it) then I would assume you are going into this accepting majority if not all of the costs.
OBS needs braces for cosmetic
OBS needs braces for cosmetic reasons. He has a beautiful smile but has some crowding in the back. YBS has a gap in the front. We're waiting to start his due to his ear issues, because we're only 1 year post-op. They need CAT scans and MRIs to ensure there is no regrowth of the tumor (benign).
We have great dental insurance and the ortho has a payment plan that doesn't require good credit.
SD's teeth were done before she ran off to mommies house. She refused to eear the retainer. Her teeth have now shifted back. We basically wasted $4k. She tried to have Invisaligns put on DH's insurance a few months ago and the insurance kicked it back.
My smile is terrible. Once both boys are done, I am doing dentures. I grew up dirt poor, so braces were never an option.
Is there a dental school in
Is there a dental school in your area? You can save tons of money on braces if you go there. That's what I did for my children. I got no help from their father and honestly the battle would not have been worth it.
This is timely for me Sweet
This is timely for me Sweet T. I just got DD molded for Invisalign (no ortho in dental benefits). She has my teeth, crowded bottom and spaces on the top. I wish to dog that I had had braces. We were poor and it just wasn't possible let alone considered. I have always been self conscious about my smile and am meticulous about oral hygiene to avoid staining on the crowded bottom. (DD has been diligent with her oral hygiene as well. )
I don't want DD to experience that. I do not think you are being unreasonable but I would be prepared to pay for all of it. Your making a decision based on what is best for your DS while the Ex is making one based on finances.
You sound like a dream BM.
The caveat written into my
The caveat written into my divorce and custody paperwork read that "Each parent is responsible for 50% of non-allowable medical/dental bills." So, it was not an issue. Check the paperwork over, it is probably there because everyone is getting braces these days. Even if not there, I would still extend 50% payment for non-allowable amounts. IMHO it is an upstanding thing to do. I didn't get happy when we had to make payments for getting wisdom teeth out or for braces, but I grit my teeth and paid it.
For the record, when I said
For the record, when I said it had been determined that SD18 didn't need braces, if you were to look at her smile you would think she'd had them. So she doesn't even need them cosmetically, except for some tiny imperceptible flaw that she probably spends hours examining in the mirror every day.
Trust me he is a huge Pr!ck
Trust me he is a huge Pr!ck and then some. I mean I get no one really wants to shell out money on braces. Part of being a parent is sacrificing for your children. Trust me I broke a tooth when we were married and they could not save it. I could use a 4K implant but because it is not noticeable I go without and will put braces on my child instead. Heck I paid our portion of braces on a child that was not mine.
Right now we are going to be having some legal dealings between us in the near future. If we end up in mediation and court for the things he wants, I will be addressing many things and t his will be one.
They do the braces earlier
They do the braces earlier now because things are more squishy as my dentist says. BS is good about brushing his teeth thankfully so I do not see that as an issue. BS needs to loose more teeth before anything like this will happen so I would say it will be another year or two so somewhere around 11. I was 14 when I did mine, but like I said things are done differently and younger now.
I am willing to pay for it all. Ex brought up not wanting BS to have braces to BS a few months ago ( BS and I had never spoken of it at that point) so I am anticipating that any discussion with him will be met with hostility.
I have zero medical/dental
I have zero medical/dental expertise so my opinion is just my opinion.
But I am surprised that orthodontics starts so young these days. My father had a huge gap between his front two teeth. I did too at 9-10 years old. In today's world I'd be sent for braces (except we still could not have afforded them).
My teeth moved as I matured and by my teens I had perfectly straight teeth. Seriously I've had half a dozen dentists tell me that I have a perfect bite. Braces were absolutely not necessary. My brother had the two "canine" teeth come in weird - but they straightened out on their own too.
Yes it's easier to move the teeth when one is young - but it's also easier for them to move right back too. I know dozens of people who had braces twice. That's just wrong.
I personally plan on using
I personally plan on using the same ortho that did both my steps and their mom. My dentist who is very conservative and frugal ( god I love her) recommends him as well.
I think an ortho stating that
I think an ortho stating that they believe the work is "medically necessary" would be the key. I actually think that a lot of kids are rushed into braces too soon. Both my SD's had gangly looking smiles when they were younger.. but surprise, surprise, both ended up with nice smiles. Maybe not 100% perfect, but certainly not cosmetically bad and they don't have "bite" issues either.
I also never had braces.. thought I have upper and lower "imperfections".. overall, I still have a nice smile, in part due to some creative dentistry (had a tooth "built up" to mask a slight twist. There are a lot of things that can be done cosmetically at any age.. and I don't think parents should break the bank for minor appearance issues.
If the child has a medically necessary fix needed or "extreme" cosmetic need, then braces would be reasonable.
(extreme things like my nephews that were born without canine teeth and had bridges and braces to fix the result of missing teeth).
check your CO for any wording
check your CO for any wording on if/when the CP and NCP cannot come to an agreement. dh's is written that if they cannot agree, dh overrules as the CP. if that's in there, then it's a moot point.
we did braces basically twice for oss and lurch. (yes. not just pre-braces spacers or whatever, not the baby braces.) we paid for all four rounds except for 700.00 paid by g-ma's mother. dumb@$$ didnt pay not one single dime. they would have covered lurch entirely if her stupid @$$ hadn't have let their state medical care lapse. and all the dumb b!T@# had to do was fill out the re-enrollment papers.
i had braces as an adult. had them taken off a year and a half ago. they are still not perfect but the best they'll ever be, because adult teeth are a LOT harder to move.
kaos mentioned braces this past weekend. oy vey. here we go again........ but i told dh i did not think he was focused or mature enough to care for them at this point. yes he is 13, it's obvious he needs them (but not atrociously bad like lurch's) but he'd never keep the rubber bands on and stuff. h3ll at 34-35 even *I* got real sick of them - i had rubber bands on both sides, and one across the front from upper left to lower right. and I EAT ALL THE DAMN TIME so it was REALLY difficult to keep putting the stupid motherf*ckers on!!!
but no, if we have to foot the whole bill on it, we're making d@mn sure he's going to be responsible enough to take care of them. sweetT, if your douchebag ex is just being a d!ck about it, go ahead if you legally can according to the CO. and check the wording also on how soon bills have to be submitted. is his c/s going through the state? if so you can check w/ CSE and see what they may or may not do for outstanding bills like braces.