Child support review question
Has anyone ever had one of these that wasn't a hostile battle.
Our son no longer needs after school daycare so his portion of the daycare would go down by 50.00 a month.He goes in the morning before school and takes the bus home. However BS's health insurance cost has gone up from 40.00 per month to 300.00 (which I have eaten the increase on for 2 years) and I had originally accepted less money for the CS portion just so that he would sign off on the divorce. Because we do not speak I had the lawyer contact him to start the process ( I have agreed to not go through the state per his request and the money gets transferred in to my account from him.) because I knew as soon as I told him he was talking the bus home he would just start short paying the amount and would not discuss the things that had changed.
I know he is going to flip his lid because he owes per the guideline $250.00 more a month. He gets off pretty easy and has for the last several years. He is not going to get it that this is not unreasonable, heck I didn't have he factor the non school days day care for all the holidays because it just isn't worth the argument. I would be okay with the amount staying as is but that would mean that they would need to read adjust the CS portion to one amount and then include the health care amount and then he would not be contributing to daycare, I would pay that all myself. Because we are high conflict it needs to be spelled out with no need to be negotiating.
I have never asked for anything else, in fact I don't even make him pay his 40% of dental costs because he is such a jerk about it. Seriously in 3 years I once passed on his portion to him and it was $22.00 and he wanted to argue over it with me and the dentist.
I have sole physical and joint legal and yes I am the higher wage earner ( we are not talking about a lot of money here believe me)
I am just dreading this. I know he is going to be a jerk about it. I am not trying to screw him I just need to be by the book and not have to deal with him. I am pretty sure he has received the latter by now and is going to think this means he can drag me back to mediation or court over his visitation schedule to get back at me.
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Comments
He might be a jerk about it,
He might be a jerk about it, he might not.
The best reason to go through your state's agency is you get to use the old "it's what the guidelines say, sorry dude" argument and take some of the heat off yourself.
The formula is what it is, and I don't think you should cut him any slack, whether it's dental or daycare. Your son deserved to have his father's support.
I had to have the attorney
I had to have the attorney file for it and I had to pay her for it. I was an idiot to agree to that. Once we are done with the modification I am going through the state.
He is also threatening that he wants more time and that I opened the door for it by requesting the review., He was pretty arrogant with my attorney because he thinks I am an idiot that did this and the CS will be for less money than it is now and he is going to pressure me into more time. What he is asking for isn't even possible because of how far away he lives and works and allowing for homework, dinner and bedtime. It would be very non beneficial for everyone. He has tried to bully me on this since the day the ink was dry and on the advice of my son's therapist I have not taken the bait.
He has threatened me and bullied, he has tried to PAS our child by lying about me, tried to get our son to move in with him, he has yelled at out child and put him in the middle over many things that are non of his business, he pumps him for information about me, lied to my skids and forbid them from having a relationship with me. He is pretty relentless and has not stopped for almost 3 years.
Agree and exactly.
Agree and exactly.
If he is as high conflict as
If he is as high conflict as you say, then your best bet to eliminate negotiations is to go through the state. He can't argue with their numbers even if he doesn't agree with them. If you give him the numbers he will probably throw a fit because you are asking him for more money when you've been eating the cost up until now (so why should he contribute now? --is going to be his thoughts on it). I think you should just stick to your lawyer and let them handles it through the state.
I do not plan on discussing
I do not plan on discussing it with him. It will be sucky because next week we have conferences.
From what you've written in
From what you've written in the past it sounds like your exH has a lot of narcissistic traits.
He likes to rile you up and create conflict.
Have you heard of the Grey Rock Method?
http://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
This method has worked for a friend who has to deal with the same type of ex. She's said this works very well with him.
"The psychopath will try different tactics to see which ones get a reaction. With Selective Gray Rock, you choose to respond to the tactic which matters least to you. This will focus the psychopath’s attention on that issue. Remember, the psychopath has no values, so he doesn’t understand what is valuable to us — unless we show him. Selective Gray Rock shows him a decoy."
Thank you, I am going to read
Thank you, I am going to read this. He does have a lot of narc traits but his official diagnosis from an MMPPII is many other personality disorders. It is very stressful to deal with someone who is waiting to take you down.