Do you need to know anything about ex's new BF/GF?
Do you think that before a new BF or GF is brought around your children you should at least know their last name or something about them?
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Do you think that before a new BF or GF is brought around your children you should at least know their last name or something about them?
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This could be a slippery
This could be a slippery slope as you want to protect your kids, but you also want to maintain your own privacy and keep your ex out of your future personal relationships.
Any standards that are set should be what is reasonable for both of you. That door is going to swing both ways, so don't ask for what you're not willing to give. And prepare your own BF for what may lay ahead for him.
Agreed. My SO complains that
Agreed. My SO complains that BM's newest guys never come out of the house and at least introduce themselves. I never introduced myself to BM. I've never spoken to her at all in 5yrs. Can't have it both ways.
I could have cared less. I
I could have cared less. I would have been happy if my ExH would have met a woman but sadly he lives at home with his mommy and big brother and does not drive. He will never meet a good girl this way. That is 100% him momma's fault. Got her 51 yr old son (exBIL) and my 44 yr old ExH living at home with her. :jawdrop:
Trust me this is why I have
Trust me this is why I have not asked the crazy bastard anything. He has had 8 or 9 girlfriends in the last year. My 7 year old has met at least 3 and has know about at least 5 or 6 of them. I have been with the same guy for 8 months and I do not see him going any where as our relationship works well for both of us.
It used to be when he was on FB I knew who they were and could investigate them enough to make sure they had no criminal records. He went off FB ( thank god) so I am in the dark with the latest.
He has never asked anything about my BF except his first name and what he did. It is actually my BF who is more concerned that he is bringing people around BS that he has only known 3 weeks. I told him the same thing and his response is he can investigate me to his hearts content there is nothing negative about me and that he would be willing to meet him as well.
My exH wanted to meet my now
My exH wanted to meet my now DH when we were dating. Nope. It's my right to have my privacy. I did tell my exH that I had investigated my BF before the kids met him (they didn't know about him for a year) and that all was good.
I use to want to know if my Exh was with some crazy woman. They have all been off their rockers, now, NOPE...Bliss for me.
The two that were his somewhat steady things- 1st one he had a kid by and they took it from her, she can't even see him. My exh has full custody.
2nd one - was a drunk. She was going to AA while dating and living with my exh. He realized after her and I had a hour long screaming match late one night, she wasn't the right one. This chick told my kid "go to bed or I'll beat your ass" to my then 7 year old. She got arrested two months after he made her move out for driving drunk with HER OWN 3 KIDS in the car.
So Exh learned on his own, don't let the skanks around the kids. So he goes to them when he doens't have the kids or he leaves them with his 80 year old mother. Oh yeah I just got an FB notice from a "friend" saying exh probably got #1 in this scenario knocked up again and she just had a baby like 3 months ago.
UGH! Dumb men never learn but at least my kids do not go near these crazy itches anymore.
The BM had a variety of
The BM had a variety of different boyfriends after she and my fiance split. He never knew anything about any of them.
But when he and I started dating she did show a little crazy by calling him up demanding to know about me because "she had a right to know" he told her to basically shut up and that he has a right to his private life. The only thing in their lives that cross over is SD, he has never asked her any questions about her private life or what she does on her time with SD or who she is around and he will not entertain such questions about his life.
Since then theres never been an issue.
Trust me my ex is a shitty
Trust me my ex is a shitty father to all 3 of his kids, the older two ( my former stepsons) have no respect for him and think he is an ass. He used to love to tell me all about his women to throw them in my face. Thankfully he stopped that and is interestingly silent with this one. He shacked up with her after about 2 weeks. SHe is in as big of a rush as he is. BM1 met her and said she seemed ok.
I think the new person in an
I think the new person in an EX's life should have more than limited exposure to the child(ren) if the two are going to be engaged or living together.
Nope. I can't screen the new
Nope. I can't screen the new teachers at daycare/school (some of whom are major train wrecks) and I look at this similarly. Your kids will be around other people that you don't know whether you're divorced or not...it's way beyond your control. You can only keep an open line of communication with your kids and teach them how to deal with different people.
nope. while i absolutely
nope. while i absolutely understand why, for safety concerns and all, my opinion is still no. he may be an ass, he may be a shitty father, but on his time he is in charge of them and can choose who is around during those times without them being stalked (so to speak, not literally!) by his ex. that is a right granted by a court of law - if that doesnt sit well with u then maybe a co amendment is in order.
BUT.... keep this in mind - if the kids know about and have met some of these ladies, and this one's actually moved in, it wont be long before you find out the last name anyway, and then u can do whatever u'd like to with that info!!
Let me clarify ladies, THis
Let me clarify ladies, THis was more of a general question. I was with this mentally ill lunatic until he was arrested for domestic violence against me for 9 years. I was a step mother for 9 years. I have been on both sides. I am actually friends with BM1 because the lying lunatic abused her too when they were married and lied to me about her. My steps sons love me and are still in my life. I am not stalking my exes girlfriends. I am actually hoping one of them sticks and makes sure my child is fed something other than just breakfast on Sundays so he doesn't go without eating all day.
nonono sweet T, never said
nonono sweet T, never said u'd be like that! i just commented in that way cuz there are a lot of sm's who are also bm's that may feel like they have a 'right' to that info, and might turn into "That BM" and try their best to dig up dirt on a new g-friend instead of letting their ex just handle his own business.
i'm glad ur skids are still in your life, that's nice
but trust me, u'll find out about this new woman in due time, if she sticks around i'm sure your kid will talk about her!
Tuff Noogies I never thought
Tuff Noogies I never thought you did but not everyone knows that I am a well seasoned veteran in the world of step parenting :).
In therapy I learned that I have no control over what happens at dad's house. It sucks but that it is what it is.
I introduced BS to my BF after a few months and only because I knew he was not going anywhere. He is childless but had 3 step dad's that were not the greatest so he approaches his relationship with my son the way he wishes he had been treated. Having been on ST for almost 9 years I keep my bio and step parent hats both on.
Only if ExH/ExW is going to
Only if ExH/ExW is going to leave a child home alone with that person for an extended period of time (like all day or overnight). Then a name would be nice and for the ex to give my name and phone in case something happens (assuming the ExH/ExW is far away).
I do know the name of my ExH's girlfriend. I've never met her but my kid speaks highly of her and it's been a long-term relationship. I wouldn't have a problem with my kid staying with her.
The revolving-door GF/BFs, though, no.
Nope, atleast not until it's
Nope, atleast not until it's to the point where they will be living together.
Nope. I want the BM to know
Nope. I want the BM to know as little as possible about me other than what she can Google. Not because I have a criminal past or anything, but because I'm a deeply private person. I'm also very careful about my online presence for professional reasons. It's up to DH, not Google, to reassure the BM that I'm a good and decent person. The BM needs to know nothing beyond that.
I've never actually met BM in person, other than to wave at a hand off, and I feel no need to. I take no responsibility for Skidly so I feel there's no need for us to interact. I'm 99% disengaged and don't even accompany DH to hand off anymore.