BM texting at 6:00 am REALLY!!!
BM just texted my DH asking him if he is taking the skids this weekend. #1 It's not an emergency so why are you texting at 6:00 am in the morning that could've waited until a few hours later. #2 Look at the freaking CO and the calendar it's the first weekend of the month. I loathe her existence. She has been quiet for awhile but now she is starting up her crap again I guess. DH talked to SS however, he was in the living room when I woke up this morning. So I am going to have to make it uncomfortable for him I guess. I am going to talk to DH about it again tonight to try to see if we can come up with a plan to keep SS in his room.
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I insist on DH having his
I insist on DH having his phone turned off when we go to bed, until we get up in the morning. That deals with phone calls at unreasonable hours of the night and early morning.
I insisted on strongly
I insisted on strongly hinting to DH that he should tell BM to STOP CALLING/TEXTING. lol
unfortunately... all that happened was that she stopped calling/texting stupid amounts of times...and mostly kept it to within 15 minutes of pick up/ drop off... generally ABOUT pick up / drop off.... and the occasional random other child-related text....which was definitely something I could live with.
My problem is I get worked up
My problem is I get worked up and automatically go into protective mode not only for myself but for me DH. BM is just a horrible human being and you have to constantly keep your guard up. I keep trying to remind myself that I don't have to deal with her and should just not care but it is very hard for me.
I think it's hard for you,
I think it's hard for you, because your dh is not reaction the way you want him to react. You want him to be as outraged as you you want him to tell her those things... and he isn't.
Your own expectations of your DH's behavior towards his ex are not being met, and that makes it worse for you.
What seemed to have worked with me... is changing my approach towards DH.
bm texts 8 times between 7am and 8:15am... "DH - WHY are you letting her keep up that behavior? It's annoying, prevents us from sleeping, and is completely unimportant... she just wants to know if you're picking up SS at NOON."
He told her to stop bugging him all morning, that he would pick up the child at noon, just as he had for the last few years - that she didn't need to act like such a pest.
BM would give him crap, yelling, screaming, name calling... "DH - it really bothers me that you allow her to treat you like that. Just like you would handle someone treating me poorly, I will handle her if you don't."
She (more or less) stopped b!tching at DH after a while.
Just let him do what he needs to do... and tell him how it affects you. It's not that she's calling... it's that she's calling at 6am. "DH, why are you letting her wake us up with such an inane question?"
Exactly this. SO's dad is
Exactly this. SO's dad is constantly texting him and does it really early a lot of times. But there are a few times when it's BM. So a lot of times I worry myself that he's responding to BM that early in the morning when I know most likely he's responding to his dad.
On the other hand, I did just have a conversation with SO about what I considered inappropriate and unnecessary texting times when he had been putting off responding to BM about a change in the calendar and when he did remember to text, it was after 10pm and she responded right away and they exchanged a few texts. I said, NOPE...not ok, especially when it isn't even an emergency. I let him know I'm extremely uncomfortable with him texting her after the kids' normal waking hours especially when it's not urgent and that it would be even more innaproroate for him to text her while in our bed. He immediately apologized and said he wasn't even thinking when he sent off the text...do they ever think? But I'm sure he got the message.
My DH used to get those, or
My DH used to get those, or the time she actually took the Skids, and then called cussing him out, WHILE WE WERE ON A DATE, because she had somewhere she wanted to go, so he needed to get the kids noooooooow.
I shut that down, my rule of thumb for it all, it should be kept to texting as much as possible (he wouldn't agree to email, and this way we have proof for when this all eventually blows up so bad everyone admits that court is necessary). Anything they talk about needs to be STRICTLY kept to the Skids and only when necessary, if it doesn't require a response, then no reason to respond. He turns his phone off at night now and doesn't turn it on until the morning (that was his choice)
Something else he started doing (though this is still a work in progress some days) is if he has to contact her FOR ANY REASON, then he tells me before the exchange, just so I'm aware. If she contacts him, he'll either take a second and second me a text, or tell me after. My biggest issue is I think I should be in the loop on things, that helps it run much smoother and leaves less worry about her contacting.
That being said, since she ditched the Skids she has contacted VERY few times, and it's magical. Plus we have NO reason to contact her, as we have the Skids, she doesn't care enough about the Skids anyways, and she isn't invited to SD8's birthday party. Yay!
I agree - she needs to look
I agree - she needs to look at the court order. Other than that he needs to tell her to contact him during civilised hours! It is out of line for her to contact him when you may be sleeping with non-emergency nonsense. He should enforce his boundaries with her or she will do it again.
(And no I do not agree that your phone needs to go on silent or vibrate. Uncivilised people should learn to exercise decorum in calling or contacting you. If they don't block them.)
I get royally p*ssed when
I get royally p*ssed when anyone texts or calls my phone before 9 am. Before that, I'm either sleeping or getting ready for work, and people should know that most of us don't want or don't have time to pay attention before then! I will not answer anyone before nine.
Since many people use phones for alarm clocks, it's common sense that if you text someone at 6 am, you'll be waking them up.
It's just selfish. Whoever is calling/texting at 6 am doesn't give a sh*t about anyone else because they are up, and they want what they want now!
I had one woman text me at a stupidly late or early hour- can't remember why. But, I had a breastfeeding child who would wake me up, so I waited until the middle of the night when I was up with the baby to answer her. She didn't do it again.
BM can NEVER seem to remember
BM can NEVER seem to remember the damn holiday schedule to save her frigging life. Every.single.holiday. (except Christmas Eve, she can remember THAT ONE) she calls DH and asks if he's grabbing ss today. Drives me up the freaking wall. She does it for SS birthday every year too even though that is also alternate years. She's also GREAT about calling Dh on our non-skid weekends before 8a.m. about trivial bull-....She KNOWS DH has ss EVERY.SINGLE.MONDAY....yet the conversation can NEVER wait until then, it MUST happen Saturday morning.
Ok if you’re not willing to
Ok if you’re not willing to go the LEGO route (trust me, there is NO sleeping on those and you’d hear him dumping them on the floor) then it’s a bucket of ice to wake him up.
BM has texted DH at 4:30am
BM has texted DH at 4:30am and 5:30am, and DH didn't even care. It woke me up and I was pregnant, but DH refused to silence his phone. It wasn't an emergency either.
6:00 isn't polite either. Hope OP's DH has better boundaries than my DH had.
Fortunately for me, DH is
Fortunately for me, DH is already at work at 6am, so if BM wants to text him at that time, she can knock herself out. She loves to text either at dinner time or late at night. DH used to have her text tone set to a Tyrannosaurus Rex roar, but I made him switch her texts to silent, because the sound of the roar would give me such a jolt of anxiety and adrenaline - preparing for battle.
I try to convince DH to respond to her texts when he's arrived at his job site, but hasn't started working, yet...around 5:45am, because that way, she won't respond right away and he can avoid an hours long text exchange with her.
In my case, BM can remember which weekend we have the kids, but has to check in every week to ask DH what time he's picking the kids up. Um, the same time he does for every visitation, the time she argument with him about and insisted they go to mediation to discuss.
Fortunately for me, DH is
Fortunately for me, DH is already at work at 6am, so if BM wants to text him at that time, she can knock herself out. She loves to text either at dinner time or late at night. DH used to have her text tone set to a Tyrannosaurus Rex roar, but I made him switch her texts to silent, because the sound of the roar would give me such a jolt of anxiety and adrenaline - preparing for battle.
I try to convince DH to respond to her texts when he's arrived at his job site, but hasn't started working, yet...around 5:45am, because that way, she won't respond right away and he can avoid an hours long text exchange with her.
In my case, BM can remember which weekend we have the kids, but has to check in every week to ask DH what time he's picking the kids up. Um, the same time he does for every visitation, the time she argument with him about and insisted they go to mediation to discuss.
Oh yeah...I hear the phone
Oh yeah...I hear the phone ding(light sleeper) while he snores away. Not important enough ro text/call about.
If still awake at 1 or 2 I will text her back a response then and wake her ass up.(this made me happy the couple of timea i did it then I discussed appropriate times to talk with dh)