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Realization...

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 7:55am

So after yesterday's drama and everything else that has happened since the skids summer visitation with DH. I have come to the realization that there is no changing my DH or the way he parent his kids so I am thinking I need to try my best not to stress myself out over this and I am going to try my hardest not to. It won't be easy but, I am at least going to give it a try. What I think is right my DH thinks is not a big deal so I am thinking what is the point of even saying anything to him anymore. If YSS turns into a juvenile delinquent or a criminal when he becomes an adult then my DH can deal with it because I sure as hell am not. I fear that he will want to enable this kid even after he becomes an adult and it is going to be a drag down fight because I will not have a troublemaker living in my house where I pay bills at. So I guess it is one day at a time and hopefully YSS will grow out of this misbehavior.

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 7:59am

bubble bursting.... YSS will never grow out of his behavior.

Now for the rest - it's called disengagement, you do nothing for the children DH needs to do for them, if they ask you anything, smile and friendly reply with ASK YOUR DAD..

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:11am

Come one Acra you think this I am right about this kid that there is no hope. I was praying and hoping that he will grow up and maybe at least get a job at Wal-Mart and not live with this. LOL

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:14am

there's nothing wrong with the kid tank21....

there's a hell off a problem with the father not being a parent and that's never going to change, thus yes, separate finances and disengage, you never know when you will move out and live on your own for a while

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:10am

So I should probably be putting money away in a savings account in case DH decided to enable his kid after the age of 18.

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:18am

Separate savings account -- absolutely yes

Split the bills. You can do 50-50. Or split based upon percentage of income. Figure out a way that both you think is fair and do it.

If he then has extra income to spend on skids he can do it, but his first obligations to pay CS and his fair contribution to the marital home need to be satisfied.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:20am

The CS automatically gets deducted from his check so that is not included in our expenses or income.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:14am

My SD did not act like an ass but from some of the stories I've read on here, if you remove yourself from the situation (not necessarily leave, just ignore and don't comment), your DH might see how annoying his son really can be. If your DH doesn't have you and your reactions to focus on, it might become more clear to him who the problem really is.

Not only that, but letting your SS know that he gets to you, probably just eggs him on. If you don't react, hopefully he will tire of it.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 8:24am

That is what I have been doing a few times this week. I get off work and I used to make dinner and feed the kids before DH got home. Well when DH gets home guess what nothing is cooked and I tell him that his kids need to be fed. I am going out to have "me" time have fun with your kids. LOL He hasn't been liking it one bit I guess.

moving_on_again's picture

Submitted by moving_on_again on Fri, 06/16/2017 - 9:15am

Ya, the behavior is not likely to change.

The interesting thing about our situation is that MSD is coming to realize that she had it pretty easy with us. Mom is abusive but she routinely chose mom over us because abusers bribe (SO would have none of that).

Because we have rules and she's sick of being abused, she moved in with a friend. Real life is smacking her pretty hard in the face and she's even apologized for treating us like sh!t (her words). Mom is pretending that MSD is dead because MSD won't do what she wants (I honestly have no idea what that is but I am guessing it's being BM's best friend).

So, you can hang onto some hope, however, with my approval, MSD is costing us more now than she ever did. LOL. So far all we have done is put her on our phone plan (with the caveat that if she goes over the data, phone gets shut off). She is supposed to pay us for the monthly fees but I know that ain't happening and I honestly don't care. We are going to pay for a car to be insured and licensed fully in her name only but after month one, that's on her.